Part 4

The details are already slipping away, and life keeps happening faster than I can keep up with it. So here's part 4, or at least bits and pieces of it.

While we were in the hospital, we received several calls from the cop/detective who was writing up our case, two social workers, and also a visit from CPS (Child Protective Services). One of the social workers was LDS, and she had just transferred down from Primary Children's in Salt Lake. She decided not to get CPS involved. She was so sweet, so nice, and she said that her intuition told her that we were not abusive parents. But then she came back the next day and apologized, and told us that Dr. Pham had a "physicians order" for CPS to come investigate "whether it was safe for the child to go home with the parents." So yeah, it's hard not to feel offended after that. It's not like he took a single second to get to know us or even act like he really cared about Kalia. I tried not to hate him...I tried to tell myself that he was just looking out for innocent little children, and he had probably helped some get free from abusive parents. But that was a hard one to swallow. The CPS lady came by the hospital and sat down with us. She told us that the cops and the social workers didn't think this was an abuse case, so she didn't really think she needed to be there. SHE DIDN'T EVEN LECTURE ME ABOUT LEAVING MY KIDS IN THE TUB, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? She asked us what happened. We told her. She said, "That sounds like an accident to me, and CPS is not for accidents." She also said she just had to come by our house for a few minutes once we were home, to see Annaliese, and then she would close the case. Ok, now that I've filled you in on that, here's how the rest of the week went down:

1. After 3 days and 3 nights in the hospital, Kalia was released.
2. My in-laws and Samuel's cousins cleaned our house before we got home.
3. That was WONDERFUL to come home to.
4. When Kalia and Annliese saw each other (for the first time in 3 days) they freaked out, screamed, stomped their feet (all with joy) and hugged and kissed (ok, I told them to hug/kiss).
5. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.
6. Kalia was supposed to be on Augmentin, Cleocin (antibiotics), Hydrocodone, and Miralax
7. We didn't end up using the Miralax because the antibiotics were causing plenty of diarrhea on their own.
8. Kalia had a hard time sleeping, but during the day she did great.
9. After being waited on hand and foot, she started doing a lot of baby talk (like goo goo ga ga)
10. And she stopped using the toilet.
11. Every time she had diarrhea (about once per hour) I'd stick her in the tub and use the long showerhead thing to wash her off. I did Bacitracin several times a day.
12. I marveled at how well she was doing.
13. But we still didn't have time to eat. A few people dropped off meals, and one amazing out-of-town friend had pizza delivered to my door. SO GRATEFUL for stuff like this!
14. Each day she screamed more and more when we put the Bacitracin on. She even started kicking us and screaming at us. Had a prompting to warm the ointment tube in a glass of hot water to make it runny so I could just drip it on her and avoid touching/hurting her. It helped.
15. We went to half of Sacrament meeting on Sunday. Several ladies in the ward knew what had happened, and when they watched Kalia walk in without even limping, their jaws hit the ground. One told me she cried the entire meeting, marveling at the miracle.
16. After 3 days of this, she was out of Hydrocodone. I tried alternating with Tylenol/Motrin, but it wasn't enough.
18. This turned out to be a huge blessing that we ran out of pain medicine.
18. I had to take her to her pediatrician to get more.
19. Her pediatrician gave her more, and told me to make sure the stitches were seen (by her surgeon) before the weekend. (This was on Monday.)
20. The CPS lady came by. She stayed for a total of 3 minutes. She told me I have beautiful children, and gave me a card, saying that CPS has good resources and will pay for $70/week of childcare if I need a break or a babysitter.
21. On Tuesday morning I thought I saw a small pus droplet on the stitches. I called for an appointment with her surgeon, they told me to come in the next day, 24 hours later.
22. We had a neighbor come over and he and Samuel gave Kalia blessing #3.
23. Kalia, after having so many blessings, decided she'd pour a lot of extra consecrated oil on her head to speed along the healing process. We laughed and laughed.
24. Tuesday morning I took her to see our favorite (not) Dr. Pham. Samuel thought the stitches were a normal "healing" kind of redness. I disagreed.
25. I was most scared about having Dr. Pham call me a child abuser or something.
26. I made sure to dress myself and Kalia extra nice, so he could see we are clean, happy, well-groomed people (we probably looked awful in the ER and hospital.)
27. He took one look at the stitches and asked why I hadn't brought her in a day earlier.
28. I told him that I'd called 24 hours earlier, told the staff I saw infection, and they didn't give me an appointment until right then. He asked who I'd talked to. (I didn't know.)
29. He told me to take her straight to the hospital because the stitches were infected and needed to be taken out right away.
30. As I walked out with Kalia, I saw him through a window, talking sternly to his staff members, and they had a scared look on their faces. Pretty sure they were in big trouble.
31. I was feeling very scared because of how panicked he'd seemed about the stitches.
32. We went back to the ER. My MIL had Annie again, and she took her back to her house where Annie has been ever since (she's still there now).
33. Samuel was doing some important Real Estate training, and didn't get to the hospital until the surgery was over.
34. I was alone with Kalia as they gave her a surgery hat, a gas mask (they let her put stickers on it and made it smell like bubble gum) and then they wheeled her off.
35. I remember that my teeth were chattering and I was wishing Samuel was there.
36. Kalia didn't cry when they took her back to the OR. I was surprised.
37. It only took about 30 minutes, and Dr. Pham came out.
38. He told me, and I quote, "I appreciate you coming in this morning. We caught it early."
39. That's the only nice thing he's ever said to me, but I value it highly.
40. He told me he'd put the wound vac on. I didn't know much about it.
41. Samuel arrived and our Post-Op nurse told us all about Wound-Vacs and how wonderful they are.
42. She showed us a scar on her leg that had been closed by a Wound-Vac.
43. We felt really good about Kalia having one on.
44. Kalia was really irritable coming out of the anesthesia this time.
45. They finally have her two doses of Demerol to get her to calm down and go to sleep.
46. We've been here ever since (6 days, 6 nights).
47. Kalia hardly has any pain on the Wound-Vac- just a little discomfort at night.
48. As I said in the previous post, they indentified the infection as Pseudomonas.
49. She is now in isolation and can't leave her room. She is all cooped up and going crazy but still pretty happy.
50. She fell once when she was climbing, and her wound bled a little, and Dr. Pham was really rude to me about not being able to contain her.
51. I can't wait to get out of here.
52. They will change the wound vac dressing on Tuesday and see how it's healing, and hopefully send us home.
53. We got smarter and Samuel takes the night shift at the hospital, and I take the day.
54. This is nice for me because I get uninterrupted sleep at night.
55. And that's why I'm still sane.
56. But I miss my hubby- we haven't seen much of each other lately.
57. Our ward is now bringing our meals to the hospital.
58. Kalia is not eating much, unless it involves sugar or frosting.
59. She no longer has an IV in because of all the problems they were running in to. Here's what her hand looked like the other day when the IV started coming out.Can you see the golf-ball sized fluid all around her hand? It was kinda wild.
60. Aren't they sweet?
Ok, that's all for now. Whew!

Still here

We are still in the hospital with Kalia. It's been 5 long days, and it doesn' t look like she's going home any time soon. Maybe though...

They ran a culture on the wound tissue, and also on a stool sample. In the wound they found Psuedomonas bacteria. It's commonly found in hospitals (even more than Staph these days) and she may have got it from surgery #1 or #2. She has been on IV antibiotics all this time, but they just changed it to try to target this specific bacteria. It is VERY resistant to antibiotics, so they are trying to be careful and give her one that it might respond to. I have also brought out my Oregano oil, made by DOTERRA, that has some seriously awesome antibacterial properties- I've been rubbing that on her feet, and I read that Lemongrass also is powerful against Pseudomonas, so I got that too. She is now in "contact isolation" which means

1. No leaving the room to walk the hallways, go to the playroom, etc. (!!!no!!!)
2. All the doctors and nurses wear these aprons and gloves when they come in the room. It's a contact bacteria that can be picked up in an open sore, even a papercut....if you touch the infection somewhere, but it's not airborne. I'm sure I just discouraged all visitors, but oh well. I don't wear gloves unless I change her diaper (she is still refusing to go on the toilet) or have to touch the bandage somewhere.

In other news, Kalia's poor little veins cannot hold up to the IV's and antibiotics. They are all blown/bruised. I have watched 7 attempts to get an IV in, (and the 2 successful ones ended up having to be taken out later because of bleeding and swelling) and Samuel had to watch 4 UNSUCCESSFUL attempts of them poking her. He called me sobbing after having watched her screaming and crying. It broke my heart. Since they couldn't get an IV in last night, they had to give her antibiotics via injections, one in each leg, and this morning they ordered a PICC line, which will be inserted surgically (yes, this is probably surgery #4.) and that will insert a little catheter all the way to her heart, so it's kind of like a semi-permanent IV line so that she can get her medicine, which is pretty crucial at this point. They can take it out once she's done with all this. But they can't even send her home until they find a good antibiotic option that she can take orally, and there just aren't that many options to treat this specific bacteria.

Our hearts are really tender right now. I don't cry at the hospital, but when Samuel comes to take a turn, and I go home to shower and sleep, I usually cry and feel fear. And I remind myself of all the promises that have been made to her, and all the people praying for her, but I usually still end up with my teeth chattering (I've discovered this new "reaction" to stress or fear or whatever. My teeth started chattering two nights ago when they tried 3 more IV attempts.) So, to be honest, I'm really scared right now. Even though I know in the end, it all works out. It's like a book where I've cheated and read the last page, and I know that the hero doesn't die, and all ends well...but there are still these scary, difficult moments to get through.

10 days ago when I got a blessing from our home teacher, I was promised a lot of strength and comfort. I just got the overall impression that this wasn't going to be a quick little trial. That we'd need some endurance. Then when she started recovering so fast, I thought I must have misunderstood. But it turns out that the Lord knew what he had in store for us. I feel so close to Him right now, probably because I have to constantly turn to Him, or to comforting music, or the scriptures, or talks by the prophets, because I need that comfort right now so much. I have listened to David Archuleta singing Be Still My Soul on Youtube so many times I've lost count. But oh...I love how that song makes me feel (and I love the way he sings it. Especially the second verse. And by the way, if you watch it, it was not filmed in an LDS chapel, even though it looks like it was.)

I'm probably sounding like a broken record, but we are so grateful for the prayers that have been offered in our behalf, especially for Kalia. I'm asking that you keep them coming, to get through this infection, so that we can come home.

Oh yeah, and P.S. We just found out Samuel has shingles. So maybe my kids will have chickenpox next? Yeah. Bring it on.

P.P.S. New information: Doctor will sedate her on Tuesday, change the wound vac dressing, see how the wound's doing/healing, and consider sending her home on an oral antibiotic. This antibiotic causes tendonitis, but we will have to manage it because it's either that, or do the PICC line and keep her here for another week. Ok...that's good news though.

Good Things...Great Things (Part 3)

Part Three:
So here's where things started looking up. I spent a long, sleepless night in the hospital, worried sick that my daughter was going to have a lifelong side effect because of this crazy accident. I was battling fear and trying to hold onto my faith and the priesthood blessing that she'd had that promised her that she would be almost "as if it never happened." I was worried sick that the "almost as if" meant everything would be fine, except for these nerve/sensory problems. I also was worried about her recovery, and how much pain she would be in, and how I'd manage to take care of her with such a huge injury.

We spent the following day trying not to worry, and helping her manage her pain. She was getting morphine every 2 hours and it was helping, but she cried when we moved her into the wagon to go to Music Therapy/Play Time. So we knew she was hurting. It was a great distraction though to be able to have some fun stuff to take her mind off of everything. (Love this childrens hospital!- and as a side note, I did my internship in college in the Recreation Therapy department at Shriners Childrens Hospital in Honolulu, so I am an extra big fan of any Rec Therapy.)
(Oh yeah. The binkies are back. With a vengeance. We had her off them completely about 8 months ago, but then she started waking up all through the night, so we tied one to her bed to keep her in bed at night (it worked pretty well- but tie it short so it's not a choking hazard! Can't be too careful these days!) Anyway, she started asking for them in the ER, and course we obliged. But now she's fully hooked again and must have 4 or 5 of them nearby at all times. Eek!)

This hospital has cable, and a ton of kid movies "on demand" and that has helped pass the time too...thank goodness for Nick Jr- we don't have that at home, so it's even more enticing for her. She was on IV antibiotics the entire time she was in the hospital and she has to take her IV machine everywhere...so here she is spending some time with Dora/Diego/Max&Ruby:
The next morning the neurologist (Dr. Haynes) came in. She was awesome. She didn't seem rushed to get to another place, and she not only answered every one of our questions, she went to find other answers that our surgeon should have been answering. I love her and I wish all doctors could be more like her.

Dr. Haynes came in two days in a row and did a few quick tests on Kalia. She told us to get her up and moving and walking-- the more the better to get that nerve firing. We were shocked to think that our little girl could even stand and hold her weight up, much less walk around! But Dr. Haynes went on to have Kalia stand, walk on her heals, wiggle her toes, flex her ankles, everything...and she could do it all. We were astounded (AND BEYOND ECSTATIC!). Dr. Haynes tested to see if she could feel the difference between soft and a poke, cold and warm...and she could. I don't even know how that's possible. I mean, the Sciatic nerve carries both sensory and motor messages, and yet with only 25% of her nerve in tact, as Dr. Haynes said, "I can't detect anywhere that she's lacking right now." I asked her about the possibility of burning/tingling/pain down her leg for the rest of her life. She said we will just have to wait and see- it will depend on the way the nerve grows back together. So we've been praying and fasting extra for that nerve, and for a Master Physician to make it whole. Literally.

So yeah, we were encouraged to say the least. That's when we took her for her first walk around the hospital. I emailed it to my family to show them how their prayers were being answered. It was a big moment for our little family, and we gave thanks...lots of tears were shed, I'll tell you that.

Kalia just continued to recover at an amazing pace. Kids are resilient. It's true. But Kalia was acting like she'd never even had surgery, much less had a severed nerve. This video is from Friday (2 days after the big nerve repair surgery). It's similar to the one on facebook. We just marveled at this recovery. I mean, would you want to be doing this after surgery? With only part of your sciatic nerve working right? Truly-- it had to be a miracle. Right? I know.


They finally released us and we went home, and they had her on Hydrocodone for pain, 2 antibiotics, and just Bacitracin on all those stitches. There was no bandage or covering. She only cried out in pain when we had to but the Bacitracin on, and that wasn't too bad at first. But every day it started to get worse and worse. She was no longer willing to use the potty anymore, and started going in a diaper again. And to make matters worse, she had pretty severe diarrhea from the antibiotics. And that's probably why the infection set in a few days later.

We're Back...in the hospital

Ok, the next part of the story is coming soon (good, happy, miraculous things that WON'T make you cry!) and they'll be coming soon. As for more recent news, tonight Kalia was readmitted to the hospital and just had surgery #3. There was infection throughout all the stitches, and no matter how much Bacitracin we dripped on her every day, we could not keep it away. It IS, however, a blessing in disguise, because she now is the proud owner of a Wound Vac, which will make sure it all heals without infection from here on out, and from what we hear, will cut the recovery time in half. YAY! We're looking at 3 more days in the hospital, and I'm sure I'll be here with her all day, and I can keep chipping away at this long saga of a story. Love you all- thank you SO SO SO much for loving us and praying for us.

Hospital Stay- Part 2

Part Two:
This night (Wednesday) was the one of the hardest, most emotional nights I've ever had in my life. And looking back I realized that's when our support system just magically showed up. I'm so grateful for that.
As the doctor was telling us the (bad) news, my sweet friend Crystal was buzzing in- she was in the waiting room with dinner for me and Samuel, and a camera that I'd asked to borrow. So she was the one who heard the news first. I was trembling and crying as I told her, and she just grabbed me and hugged me so tight and just cried with me. It meant so much to me. I think she was literally holding me up at that moment, and I was glad she was there. She called the Relief Society President who headed over to the hospital. Just before she arrived, our awesome friend and home teacher and his 2 little girls arrived with a stuffed kitty and balloon for Kalia. I was still crying and having a hard time stopping, and so once the RS Pres arrived (who happens to be one of the sweetest most loving women I have ever met in my life) she suggested I go get a blessing, since Samuel and the home teacher were there. She stayed with Kalia while we found the empty "chapel" and they gave me my very-needed blessing. I asked my home teacher to say the blessing. He has been through some hard times, including losing his leg and the use of one arm in a scary hit-and-run accident on his mission. I knew that he would have a magnificent perspective of what we were going through, and I wanted him to be the mouthpiece. It was such a beautiful blessing, and I remember him saying that we would come closer to each other, and to the Lord, through this, and that our backs would be strengthened to bear the burdens that would be placed upon it. I was reminded that nothing is to big or small for the Master of the Universe to repair, if it was His will. And I was told that Kalia would have angels around her bed to help her, as well as the doctor and nurses who would be inspired as to how to best help her.

I know his little girls just stared at me (open-mouthed) during the blessing, because I was trying hard not to sob. But I finally felt some peace afterward, and I went back in to the room with Kalia. My RS Pres reminded me not to be shy about asking for blessings, because as she put it, "What else can we do to get such an instant blessing of peace?" She was right. I tried REALLY hard to be happy and cheerful for Kalia, who was noticing my behavior. Samuel was holding up pretty well at this point. Thank goodness only one of us was falling apart at a time.

She was awake (her bum was numb for 4 hours- that was nice. I wish we had that going on right NOW!) and the hospital had tons of brand new toys for her to play with and take home. There was STILL no room for her anywhere, so we were hanging out in the post-op room. Our Bishop came to visit. He was a little ticked that this incident had happened the day before, and he was just hearing about it then, but it was still nice of him to pop in and to try to cheer us up. After he left, I went out to call my parents. Instead of my mom answering, it was my dad. I was so glad to talk to him, because he always has such wonderful spiritual counsel. After I cried my heart out to him, I asked him, "So, what do you think?" He told me that the words he kept hearing were the words from "Master the Tempest is Raging." He said he kept hearing the words, "They all shall sweetly obey thy will...Peace, Peace, be still." He also reminded me that sometimes our relief will not come until after our darkest hour. And I told him that THIS BETTER BE IT CAUSE I DON'T WANT IT GETTING ANY DARKER! It's seriously been a long 8 months of roller coaster trials, so I was hoping that maybe this was a sign that we were hitting rock bottom.

This is what her little bum looks like now:I know, right? It's hard to look at. And she cannot stand it when we have to wash her or put Bacitracin on the stitches. She screams until my heart is ready to break. But they are at high risk for infection because of their location, so I have to put her through that multiple times a day- every time she goes to the bathroom I have to put her in the shower and hose her down with the showerhead to try to get her clean. The worst part is that they put her on a laxative while she was in the hospital, because it had been 2 days without a bowel movement, and we didn't want her to get constipated or to have to bear down to push. But now, a week later, she is still having diarrhea and it means I spend a good portion of the day washing her off in the shower, and making her scream when I put stuff on her stitches.

Okay. This is weird but I am going to write it anyway. I have to stop here for awhile because I am having a hard time writing this. I am crying and shaking and my teeth are chattering. I kind of don't know where this is coming from because it didn't happen when I wrote Part One, but I think I need to go get on my knees in some prayer cause I don't know what else to do. It's like there's miles and miles of deep emotion that just need to come out, and I think that replaying all of this is tapping into something deep...something that I didn't know was there. I didn't realize this had been so traumatizing for me...like I should even have time to think of myself at a time like this. But I have a hard time sleeping at night. And I had to bathe Annie last night, and it took me about 30 minutes to get the courage to go into that bathroom to fill up the tub for her. There was still a little blood smudged on the tub. So I appreciate your prayers not only for my sweet Kalia, but also for me and Samuel, as we work out way through all of this. I love you guys and I can't thank each of you enough who have reached out to show your love for us. It is really carrying us through.

Kalia, 911, Ambulance, ER, Surgery...

To those of you who have already heard on facebook, thank you so much for the outpouring of love and prayers. We didn't have enough time to do more than make a few calls and post it on facebook, so that's basically where we let people know what was going on. I am now going to record every detail of what happened before I forget. I apologize for those who want the "Readers Digest" version, but this is probably the only record I will have of this incident, so it will be thorough.

PART 1:
It started on Tuesday night. Technically, for background information, you should know that on Sunday morning, Samuel had brought me a glass of orange juice while I was still in bed. On Monday, I decided to deep clean my bedroom (it really needed it, things had been piling up for months.) Since my room is on the second floor, I took everything out of my room that didn't belong there, and I put it out in the hall. Somehow the drinking glass ended up in the upstairs bathroom, the one that the girls bathe in every night. It was a really thick drinking glass, not thin like a wine glass, but about 2-3 times thicker. The closest image I could find was this:
Another bit of information you should know: About a week ago we heard about a 1-year old who had drowned in the bathtub. Miraculously, he was allowed to live, even though he was announced dead on arrival. He is in Utah, fully recovered. He was in the bath with his 2-year old brother. Anyway, after I learned about this, I talked to Samuel, and I was just amazed that a child that old could still have problems in the bathtub. I have sat with my girls in the bathroom, but in the last few months I started to assume they were fine, and started being more lax. But after hearing about the drowning, we decided to be much more careful, and stay in the bathroom during baths, and we had stuck to that. Samuel was in there on Monday night. He remembers the glass already being in the tub, and he used it to rinse the shampoo out of their hair. He also remembers having a feeling on Tuesday to take the glass out of the tub- but he was not at home, so by the time he got here he had forgotten all about it.

Tuesday was just another day. Annie had taken a late nap, so it was a little later in the day, but around 7:30 p.m. I started the bath water, poured in some bubbles, and went searching for the girls. I do remember as the water started to fill the tub, that the glass was sitting plain as day on the floor of the tub. This is one mistake that I will always regret. I didn't really register that it was there, or that it was a problem. I didn't take it out. I should have. What was I thinking? A glass in the tub? So stupid. Our tub is plastic, not porcelain, so maybe that's why it didn't seem as dangerous, but I really don't know. But this whole thing never would have happened if that glass hadn't been there.

After sitting in the bathroom with the girls for a few minutes, I got bored. The hallway was a disaster, mostly because of all the things I'd put in there from my room. I decided to slip out of the bathroom and start putting things away; I decided they were probably ok, as long as I could hear both their voices. So I was listening carefully to make sure I could hear them. I was putting something away in my bedroom when I heard Samuel yell, "Heather!" He was downstairs doing the dishes. I knew there was no way he could hear me unless I yelled back "WHAT!" at the very top of my lungs, and I didn't want to do that. So I just waited to see if he called for me again, and he didn't. What I later found out is that he had a feeling/prompting that I needed to check on the girls. This is his biggest regret, that he didn't act on that stronger. He said that he could hear both their voices, so he dismissed it as nothing. The girls were playing loudly and splashing like crazy

It was only minutes later that I heard a piercing scream from Kalia. I ran to the bathroom and she was standing up, with blood dripping between her legs. Between the bloody water and the bubbles, I didn't see the glass. I assumed she had jumped on the faucet and maybe ripped something open. I was dreading that it might be her woman-parts, but I immediately just laid her on the rug, and opened her legs to check. It was absolutely horrific what I saw. The laceration was on her right little bum cheek. It was sliced open about three finger-widths into her body, and I could see all the layers in her body. I did not see bone at that first glance, but we did find out lately that she was cut all the way to the bone, and a bit of the bone was broken off. She had two other cuts that I did not see at the time. I screamed for Samuel. He raced upstairs and when he saw the lacerations he covered his mouth and screamed. I remember telling him to stop it because it was scaring her. I said, "Call 911." and he got out his phone. He told me later that I was trying to put some toilet paper on the cut to stop some bleeding, which is ridiculous of me...but I have no memory of doing any of that. I had to check in the trash a few days later, and sure enough, lots of bloody tissue. I wasn't thinking quite clearly enough. I ended up taking the phone from him to talk to the 911 dispatcher, while he wrapped her up in a towel. He also pulled Annaliese out of the tub, who was just standing there quiet, watching all of this going on. There wasn't a scratch on her,and for that we are grateful. When he pulled out Annaliese, he saw the glass shards. The base of the glass was in tact, but it was broken with 3 mountain-like peaks (about an inch high) all around it. Then there were all the shards in the bottom of the tub.

The 911 call went in around 7:37 p.m. and the dispatcher told us to how to keep pressure on the wound. They arrived at 7:42 p.m. (FAST! I love it!) Actually, there was a fire engine, two cop cars, and an ambulance. They came inside, and I was holding Annaliese. The cops went upstairs with me to see the "scene of the accident" and I explained what happened. The EMT's and Samuel were checking out Kalia downstairs. The cops grilled me on what happened, and I told them the story. I got ROYALLY chewed out for leaving my children alone in the tub, but in all fairness, I guess I deserved it. But it made me start crying. Another cop grilled Samuel downstairs (to see if his story was the same. They were investigating for abuse, which is common whenever a child is injured and a call to 911 is made.) The cop grilling me was a female. I remember her trying hard to be nice, but I also remember her saying, "I have a 2-year old too." Anyway, the EMT's were ready to take Kalia, so we decided that I would ride in the ambulance with Kalia. She was just in a shirt and wrapped in a towel from the waist-down, and they had her laying stomach-down on the stretcher. It was a long 20 minute drive to the children's hospital. There are other hospitals that are closer, but they decided to take her to this one because there is better care there, and they knew Kalia was going to need it.

Samuel called his mom, who was 15 minutes away, and she came quickly to take care of Annaliese. In the meantime, Kalia was very, very brave in the ambulance. Tears kept welling up in her eyes, and she said several times, "I want my daddy." but she didn't cry much during the ride. I did have to distract her as best I could with videos on my phone. Once we got to the ER, the EMT's helped check us in. I remember that they had brought the jagged glass with them. They showed it to a nurse, and after she saw it she said there was no need to keep it. (Later, when Child Protective Services was called, I wished we still had it.)

The hospital was SO overcrowded. Kalia had to lay on a stretcher in the hall for about 20 minutes before they got her into a room. It was over an hour before a doctor came to look at the wound. It had clotted up well, and she wasn't bleeding very much anymore. That doctor told me that in all his 15 years as a doctor, he had never seen a child with such an extensive injury being so calm and easy to work with. I thought that was quite the compliment. They told me that we were waiting on a plastic surgeon to fix it. Once he finally got there, they started her on Valium and morphine. She was exhausted, but she still didn't fall asleep. She felt much better though. It took three tries to get her IV in, which was hard to watch, but they put a big splint on her hand to hold all the stuff together, and once her drugs were working, she was happy and kept saying, "Give me five!" and holding out her splinted hand.

The plastic surgeon took a good look at the wound and said that he was going to try to fix it right then and there in the ER room. I was able to take a picture of it with my phone. The picture will probably make some of you sick. I know there are others that will probably want to see it. I am leaving it up to you, but if you'd like to see the pictures of her lacerations you can click HERE. I know my blog is private, but I still feel bad exposing her privates to everyone like this, so a big thank you to Kristen W. who took the initiative and edited them for me.

These are pictures I took with my phone. The picture at the top of this post is before they stitched her up in the ER. We were just waiting for the plastic surgeon. They had tried to get an IV in her, and it took three tries, twice on the right hand, and once on the left. They also started her on two different antibiotics to try to prevent infection, which is scary because the wound is so deep and was not stitched up for over 2 hours.So the plastic surgeon came in- he has an impressive resume of schooling at Ivy League schools, but he was also Phillipino, and had NO bedside manner. He was cold and rude, and this was the only negative part about our hospital experience. He told us he was going to try to stitch her up right there in the ER room, but that he'd have to put her under, and we would have to leave the room. Samuel asked if he could stay to watch, but this just seemed to make the doctor even more ticked off, and he said absolutely not. (Note: Samuel was able to stay and watch my procedure after I was stitched up and put back together after my VBAC last year with Annaliese, one week after she was born and the stitches had come out. He thought it was pretty fascinating. But this Filipino doctor (his name is Dr. Pham) mentioned that men faint more often than the women do, especially when it's their own child they're seeing.

Waiting during that surgery was so hard. Samuel kept crying and blaming himself. I got mad at him at one point and told him, "STOP IT! IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!" I was feeling frustrated that he would forgive ME so easily, who was most at fault, and yet be SO hard on himself. Come on now. That's just not fair. I, on the other hand, was feeling good about her being stitched up, and possibly even able to go home that night. I think the Holy Ghost was surrounding me and helping me me strong, and helping me not feel guilty (yet) because Samuel, in the meantime, was falling apart.

Here she is completely knocked out from the sedation drugs. This was one of the scarier moments for me, because she looked so pale, and kind of "plastic" and I couldn't help but think she looked like she was...dead. I put my hand on her chest to reassure myself that she was alive. It was definitely hard watching her go under.The doctor told us that she started waking up in the middle of the stitching and called for "Mama" and he had to give her more drugs to go back to sleep. :( And afterwards we had to force her to wake up before the nurse could leave. She woke up long enough to take a few sips of apple juice and water, and she ate about half a popsicle (and she kept saying, "Mmmm! Mmmmm!" like it was the most delicious thing she'd ever eaten. Then she was able to go back to sleep." She fell asleep holding her penguin.

All this time, we were still in an ER room. There were people everywhere outside, the waiting area was crammed and spilling into the hall, and that's when they told us that Kalia would need a second surgery the next day, this time up in the Operating Room, under general anesthesia. Dr. Pham said he needed a better location to investigate the second (smaller) laceration, because it was possible there was nerve damage. He needed more advanced tools, and he needed her heavily sedated (no waking up this time!!) So they admitted her to the hospital, but they were so full upstairs that they didn't have room, and we had to spend the entire night in the ER room.

Samuel, his dad, and his uncle, were able to give Kalia a priesthood blessing at this time. It was a wonderful blessing that promised her that she would recover and heal from this injury, and that it would be "almost as if it never happened." (There is still an almost in there that makes me nervous, but still, it was very comforting.)

Samuel and I both tried to sleep there, but by 4 a.m. neither of us had gotten any sleep, so he gave up and went home and decided to come relieve me in the morning. We spent the entire next day in that same ER room, until 5 p.m. when they finally took her up to do the surgery. They were worried about her getting tetanus, and since she'd only had 2 of the 4 tetanus shots (the DTAP), they decided to give her the third shot while she was in the operating room. One doctor told us that if she got Tetanus, it would be absolutely "horrific", and that treatments aren't very good at the present for that disease. You don't just get tetanus from a rusty nail, it's just a certain bacterium that infects an open wound.

Samuel and I waited in the waiting room for the news. I felt calm and confident that she was going to be just fine. The cut looked so small to me that I didn't think there could possibly be nerve damage.

I was wrong.

The doctor finished in less than an hour, and called us back to the post-op room to give us the news. Her sciatic nerve was severed, 75% of the way through. I was absolutely stunned. I couldn't speak. I thought I was going to throw up. I was shaking. He told us that he repaired it by wrapping something around the nerve to hold it all together, and that it would grow together on it's own. But the bad news was that most people don't recover from a nerve being severed, and that the brain would get false messages through that regrown-nerve, and that she would probably have burning, numbness, and/or tingling down her leg for the rest of her life.

I think that's when I fell apart.
More to come later. We have a doctors appointment to get to now.

I heart these little treasures...

1. Blendtec Blender (Formerly known as the K-Tec)
You may have heard of a Vitamix, this is similar, but in all fairness I have to say this one beats the Vitamix by a mile. It's one of those super powerful blenders (as in 1560 watts) that can make everything from bread dough to ice cream to steaming soup (the friction of the blades actually heats the soup.) Samuel has been talking to me about this for YEARS. After I watched the bread dough video/tutorial on their website, I was completely sold. I got it for Samuel for Christmas. This thing is amazing, and I use it every day. (I found a used one on ebay.) If you want to see this blender pulvarize crazy stuff like a gun, you can check out willitblend.com2. Biggest Loser Whey Protein
I love fruit smoothies for breakfast, but protein in your morning meal makes a HUGE difference in your metabolism for the rest of the day. I tried several kinds before I found this one. I love this one because it is made for weight loss (and not "bulking up" as many of those protein powders are) and it does not add any taste to my smoothies (at least that I can detect with the Vanilla flavor). I found it in the grocery store, and once at CVS.
3. Rubbermaid EasyFind Tupperware
I've actually bought 3 sets of these over the last few years. They are awesome. They are very sturdy and durable, and the lids all snap together so that you can keep them organized easily and find the size you're looking for. (thus the name, "EasyFind") I think the normal price is around $17-$20 for this set, but Wal-mart had them for $7 on Black Friday.
4. Culligan Showerhead Filter

The Culligan ISH-100 in line shower filter will reduce sulfur odor, chlorine and scale for softer, cleaner skin and hair. Easy to install no tools required, 10,000 gallons, 6 month filter capacity and a one year warranty. Shower filter reduces 95% chlorine, sediment, and bad odors. Chlorine has a drying effect on hair and skin, and may also damage permed or color treated hair.
(I took that off of Amazon.com) My review? MAJOR difference in my hair with this thing. We bought it when we lived in Vegas. Samuel installed it easily, and then took it back off when we moved. For the first 2 months, I blamed my dry, brittle hair on the Arizona desert (since it's SO different from the Vegas desert!) and I tried all kinds of new conditioners. It turns out that it was the chlorine that was the problem. Once we re-installed the shower filter, it was like I had a new head of hair. Good for dry skin too. I highly recommend this (And only $17!)5. Up & Up (Target Brand) Detangler. I think this is the best detangler I have ever used in my life. Someone actually recommended it to me, and now I use it on Kalia daily, since she wakes up with really matted curls. The best part is the cost: $1.32 at your local Target.

6. Emerson Steamer
I DO NOT LIKE TO IRON, and I RARELY even attempt it. This steamer is from CVS, normally around $20 but with coupons and rebates and things you can get one for $10 if you work it right. I've never used a steamer before, so I can't compare it to a professional one, but I am in LOVE with this thing. It zaps wrinkles right out of everything. I use it all the time. I will probably never go back to ironing again.

B.U.S.Y.

So, here's the latest:

I got called to be the YW's advisor. I say "The" instead of "A" because in our ward there are not very many young women, so there is a presidency, and me...and that's it! But what's nice is that we all just rotate teaching, so I only have to teach once every 5 weeks. It's been really fun, and I love having a reason to prance out the door every Wednesday, leaving Samuel behind to put the kids to bed.
This week we have some extra visitors! My good friend Kat and her hubs are on a week-long vaycay to Hawaii (and Washington for a wedding) so we have these cute little faces to wake up to every day:

They are such good kids (AND THE GREATEST SLEEPERS EVER!) but still, I do not have enough hands to meet the needs of 4 little ones as fast as they need me too. It's a little tricky too because one is kind of a picky eater, and then Annie has all those allergies, so in essence I am coming up with 4 different meals for 4 different kids. Also, Annaliese is a little jealous of the baby, and Kalia is also a little crazy about wanting to hold her and entertain her (she's 9 months old, so it's not like she needs to be held) but anyway, it's been the busiest week I've had in years, and the bedtime hours have never been such a relief. It's been a great experience for me to realize that my life with 2 kids is really quite easy, compared to life with 4! My sweet visiting teacher just brought me dinner tonight, which was SO NEEDED, I'm sure Samuel hasn't eaten anything but frozen dinners for days, and I've been surviving off of oreos...(I've been comfort eating...big time) but anyway, thank you so much Kristi for the fabulous dinner!
My little brother Jonny went into the MTC yesterday. I wish I could have been there for a few more late-night games of Settlers, and to say one more goodbye. (I stole this off my sister's blog, this was taken right before he went to the MTC). We were able to see him 10 days ago when we drove up to St. George for his farewell. He's going to Argentina (Mendoza) and he's going to be an awesome Elder. I only have one more younger sibling, she just turned 16, so who knows if she'll go...this might be my last sibling in the mission field.

Last night Samuel and I watched the Michael Jackson movie This Is It. I don't know how I missed out on him when I was a kid, but I just never really listened to him or knew that much about him, so last night was really the first time I've ever SEEN Michael Jackson, and wow, I have to say, I was pretty blown away. It's sad that he's passed away. He was absolutely incredible, and so so so talented. Samuel and I decided that he's probably already accepted the gospel in the Spirit world. Weird or not...he seems like a great guy with a good heart. (And to those of you who have seen this, were you not totally blown away by his cool blond guitarist? I love her!)


I also just finished this book by Lynn Austin called Candle in the Darkness. It's a novel about the Civil war, and it really got me thinking...about what life would be like if (when) war breaks out in the U.S. again, and why food storage is so crucial, and how awful it would be to send all the men off to war. It was a GREAT book, it has a strong Christian theme, and I highly recommend it. (I had to wait quite a long time for it at the library, has anyone else read this?)
And that's all for now.

Random Pictures from November/December

Catching up on the last two months with tons of pictures!! Above is Annaliese turning one and enjoying her special wheat-free/corn-free/dairy-free cake. (And some have you have been asking, but GREAT news, we were able to get her special formula covered by insurance, so no more worries there! It's delivered right to our door, and we don't pay a penny. Thank goodness for that blessing!)
I love my parents! My mom's hair has grown back (post-chemotherapy) extremely curly. Still so beautiful though!
Ward Christmas party
I put Kalia to bed and I heard her sneak out for a second, and then sneak back in to bed. I went to give her a lecture about staying in bed, but I found this in the hallway, and I decided I better drop the lecture, especially since she was being so considerate of her stuffed penguin.


Eyes still not brown...just a few random streaks in each eye.

#1: We put a twin mattress on the stairs and the girls will climb and slide it for at least a half hour. That's a long time for them.
#2: We call Annie "Lloyd" because of the Dumb & Dumber haircut that I gave her on accident (just trying to trim those bangs!)
#3: Kalia has the best 6-pack in the whole family. Can you see it? I can't wait to get that girl in gymnastics. I consistently find her hanging and doing tricks on the bar in her closet.

Vids for the Grandmas

Well if any of you love Orson Scott Card as much as I do (and his books about Ender Wiggins) then you might recognize the term "vids". Anyway... these are a few videos for the relatives who like them:

This is only a few seconds long, (and this is literally the backyard of the house I grew up in) but the best part is at the end when Kalia does a little victory dance and shouts some sort of exclamation.


This video doesn't have any picture because I took it at night while I was laying by Kalia. We used to put her to sleep by scratching/tickling her back and singing her favorite songs over and over. Then she decided SHE wanted to do the singing and the back tickling. This little voice just melts my heart, especially the part when she stops right in the middle and says, "Mommy is so happy when I sing 'Families.' " :)

Deep Breath...Lots to Update on...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Years! We have been traveling and I think I am officially partied-out and DONE traveling! At least for 2 more weeks when we have to go back to St. George for my brother's mission farewell. Anyway, it is so good to be home, and I'm finally staying up late to get some blogging done. Where to begin?

Life is good. December turned out to be the best month we've had all year. For real. I guess it was the first Christmas where we were on the "receiving end" of a lot of kindness and generosity and service. I couldn't believe how much of the Christmas Spirit I was feeling, since we weren't able to do much giving. I just felt so loved and humbled.

I turned 29 a few weeks ago...Samuel let me spend the entire day doing everything I wanted. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. And I got to eat at Cafe Rio AND Olive Garden within 24 hours. Does it get better than that? I was completely kid-free for 24 hours (maybe it was closer to 36...) and it was a much-needed break.

But I want to thank a few of you (you know who you are!) who wanted to help us out this year...we wouldn't have had much of a Christmas (or a birthday) without you. It means a lot to us! We were able to stretch the "generosity" and get some necessities...and more!

So, in no order at all, here's a few bright spots from the month:

1. For the first time in our married life we said good-bye to mismatched sheets and random blankets and got a "Comforter Set." If you haven't checked out KINGLINEN.COM then you're missing out!! Amazing prices and machine washable stuff. Ignore the "SALE ENDS TODAY" line...it says that every day. Anyway, this is what our bed looks like now and I love it...it feels so elegant now in our room.
We spent Christmas in St. George with my family this year. It was SOOOOOOO much fun. This is my youngest sister Kimberlee with Annaliese.

And here I am, happy because I'm playing my NEW ADDICTION: Settlers of Catan. All the married couples would stay up til 2 or 3 a.m. playing this game. I even won once, which is probably why I'm happy in this picture, but anyway, I am still trying to figure out ways to play that game every weekend.
Annaliese and Grandma Karen (some of you might notice that my mom's kitchen is completely remodeled. It's like three times bigger. It was so nice, since it was SERIOUSLY overcrowded in that house on Christmas.) We celebrated three nights in a row with all the extended family. We were lucky to have a bed.

The little cousins sang their musical numbers.
And the other big exciting gift? A steam mop! LOVE IT!
Christmas morning on the stairs (before getting to see what Santa brought.) This picture is an Esplin family tradition.

So, I totally did not put up any pictures of what the kids got for Christmas, but don't worry, they got some fun little gems too.

Results

HE PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all so much for your prayers.

Prayer Request

You know I believe in prayer, especially the cumulative power of many prayers...soooo...

If any of you read this Monday night or Tuesday (for most of the day) I'd just like to ask for your prayers for Samuel...he is taking the state and national real estate exam Tuesday and it would be a great blessing to us if he could pass it his first time. We've heard that a lot of people have to take it several times, but you have to pay $90 each time so...we need some faith and prayers! Once he has this license he can start training with Tanner in the corporate real estate world. He passed the school exam by half a percent, so if he would have missed ONE more question, he would have had to take it again. Our families fasted for him the Sunday before, so I am sure it was that extra help that made it possible for him to move ahead onto this final exam tomorrow. Please send positive thoughts his way...he'll be in Tucson if you'd like to direct them to the exact location (just kidding.) Thank you guys for your love and support!

Latest News around here

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. This is going to be long.

First, my new baby niece is here! Tara had her baby last night, Jayda Karen Alofipo, and she is healthy and strong, and Tara's labor went so fast that she didn't need an epidural. She is superwoman! She should have pictures up soon on facebook, or check back onto her blog later
http://tara-wayne.blogspot.com.

I totally missed posting anything about Annaliese's 1st Birthday (Nov. 6th). We were in St. George and we had a little party where she got to have her first taste of cake- and it was dairy-free, corn-free, and gluten-free. It tasted like burnt brownies. She loved it. We're taking her back to an allergy doctor in two weeks. I don't know how that's going to help, but we may test her for Celiac's disease, since we've found that wheat has been causing the stomachaches, the diarrhea, and the itching.

(sigh)

The good news is that there are a lot of gluten-free foods for her (like brown rice pasta) and she absolutely adores it.

The bad news is that WIC will no longer give her the corn-free Similac formula that she's been on for a 10 months, so we're trying to get the insurance to approve it with a doctors prescription. It's been two weeks now and I haven't heard. Praying for a miracle on this one. She cannot have goats milk, soy milk, almond milk, cows milk, or any formula that has corn syrup solids (that's all of them except the one she's been on.) So what kind of milk can she have? Yes, there is rice milk, but that's basically just rice water, there's not enough good nutrition in it. We need that formula.

Let's see, our house is not in foreclosure yet. The auction was postponed for 30 days, and I'm betting it will be postponed again. So we are still paying our very-cheap rent in the meantime.

Samuel's legal case is almost over- the district attorney could tell that Judy's case was a bunch of BS (WOOOHOOO!!) and he motioned for dismissal. Now it just has to be approved by a judge. It is so nice to know that his good name will not be tarnished through all this. We are so grateful.

At the same time it's kind of crazy how one wild accusation could lead to such a dramatic change in our lives. Not only did it force us to leave the state, it also ended up costing him his income and employment.

That wasn't really a problem until now. We ran out of money this month. Have you ever watched your bank account and savings go down to $20.00? Yeah. It's freaky. We've been able to live for 2 months on all the money we had left in the world. And now it's gone. It's put an unbelievable amount of stress on us.

So I didn't even know how to write on my blog. I didn't want to burden my friends with our stress. I didn't want you to feel sorry for us. And yet I couldn't just pretend that all is perfect and happy in our life, even though through all of this we have felt very blessed. The last few weeks have been really hard though, with the money situation.

Stress. Bills. Pressure. Finances. Christmas.

The Relief Society President got wind of what was going on. Samuel has been out of work for 60 days now. Our bills were paid through the end of November. All I can say is that my conversation with her was one of the sweetest, most cherished experiences of my life, and I have truly seen why this organization exists in the first place. It was changed my heart.

And it was like someone had cut open the growing pressure of a world that felt like it was going to explode, and the pressure eased, and Samuel and I stopped fighting and figured out why we were working against each other, and not together. That same RS President gave us gift cards to Outback Steakhouse, Coldstone, and then she came over one Saturday night to watch the kids so that we could enjoy each other and just TALK. I just love that lady. Her son-in-law is Max Hall, by the way, BYU's quarterback.

Ok. So back to the story. Samuel's internship will start in January. He has to have his real estate license, which he is actually getting as we speak (he will hopefully have his license by Dec 10th). He isn't home during the day, so my whole "work from home " thing is not going to bring in much this month. It's a struggle to fit in even 10 hours a week; it's not work that I can do while kids are awake. I'm sure you guys know what it's like. I don't know what I was thinking trying to take on extra things. Life is already crazy enough as it is.

Well, I don't want this to be depressing. I'm not depressed. So....yeah, we're living at a subsistence level. It's stressful. We're going to be living below the poverty line for awhile. But guess what, we are the most blessed family in poverty that I know of. We get to live in the most beautiful neighborhood in Arizona (I think). We have all the food and medical care we could need. (Thanks government assistance. You're the best. ) We have possibilities for the future, and though I don't know how it will all work out, I just know that someday money will not be a problem for us. I can feel that this experience is teaching us some important things, and that one day we can hand someone a big wad of cash and hug them and cry with them, because we've been there.I really look forward to that day.

And one final note-- Pay your tithing everybody. Pay your tithing. I heard the stories, growing up, about money just showing up when you need it, and you know it's because the Lord is keeping his promise when he said, "Prove me now herewith..."

Just when our bank account hit that $20 range, and we knew we would not have anything coming in for December, the windows of heaven opened. We got a $1500 check in the mail. Where, you're wondering? From a car accident. Remember the day we moved from Las Vegas, we got in a tiny side-swipe accident? And it caused our movers to cancel on us? And everything just seemed to be going wrong? (Read about it HERE if you've forgotten). Well, that car accident was the other girl's fault, but there were no witnesses, and so she lied and told the cops that I had run the red light; the cop had to write the accident without faulting either of us. We were SO mad. Samuel filed a claim anyway, but I knew it was useless without the police report faulting that girl. I was WRONG. I don't know what inspired Lesley at Lincoln General Motor Insurance, but it had to have been the Spirit of the Lord, because she somehow discerned the truth of it all, and settled in our favor. We took our car in to get an estimate (you can barely see ANYTHING on the outside of our car. Seriously.) And somehow the guy writing the estimate decided there was $1537.00 worth of repairs including repainting, a new tire, an alignment, etc. And that check came to us in OUR name, which means the money is ours to do whatever we want with it.

I call that a miracle, wouldn't you? It came at exactly the right time.
Pay your tithing.

So, I just want to tell you all that I love you and appreciate your support and love. I know that everyone has their trials, and many of them are hidden. Not everyone is an open book like I am. ;0)-- and that is okay. I know of other people who are experiencing trials right now. I know of a couple who's two children have kidney problems, and their little baby has to be on dialysis THREE hours EVERY day. I know of the girl in Vegas who lost her 14 month old in a drowning accident. I know of people who's husbands are entangled in pornography. I know of people who are battling cancer, even though they are my age and have young families. I know of so many couples who cannot get pregnant, no matter what they do. I know of several young girls that have lost their husbands in sudden and sometimes strange freak accidents. Life can be so hard. I am so grateful that this is our trial right now, because at least we have our health and we have each other. But I know the Lord will support us through our trials no matter what they are, and as hard as they will be, they are never more than we can bear- we won't be able to bear them alone though.

Well, pictures for sure next time around!

Sickened

Let's back up about 5 years. The movie RENT came out. I didn't know a whole lot about it, just that it was a big broadway play, and I knew that my favorite broadway actress (Idina Menzel, the original Elphaba from Wicked) was one of the main characters in the broadway play and also in the movie-adaptation of Rent. So I begged Samuel to take me to see the movie. Even though it was a PG-13 movie, I sat there in SHOCK, sick to my stomach. This was my first introduction to gay couples in the entertainment industry. There was a gay couple and a lesbian couple. And my favorite Idina Menzel was one of those lesbians (or she was a bi-sexual or something...) There was butt grabbing and boob grabbing and I think some kissing, and I guess it's fair to say that I was caught off-guard. I vowed NEVER, EVER to see Rent again. I was so disturbed.

Next I fell in love with two shows on ABC- Grey's Anatomy and Brothers and Sisters. Brothers and Sisters was the first to have a gay character, and that was probably the first time I ever saw two men kissing. I almost threw up. I couldn't believe that this was allowed on primetime TV. I mean, COME ON, at least save it for cable! So I stopped watching the show for awhile, but later slowly went back to it, making sure I would always fast forward any scenes that involved gay people.

Then, Grey's Anatomy hit me with a hard blow. And you know the one I'm talking about. The totally unnecessary transation of Callie from a married heterosexual to a woman experiementing (and enjoying) lesbianism. Grey's Anatomy was one of my very favorite shows. When they showed a lesbian kiss on that final episode of the season a year or two ago, I vowed that I was DONE with the show. Then they surprised me and kicked one of the lesbians off the show. There is still a lesbian relationship going on, but as far as I've seen, no more lesbian kissy/huggy behavior.

I'm sure it's just a matter of time. And I know I have to draw the line somewhere. And it's going to have to be soon, because my kids will be old enough to see some of the shows that I'm watching, and I will do anything to protect them from this filth.

I can't help but marvel at how QUICKLY the floodgates of sin have opened, and how within a matter of years things that were never shown, EVER, on TV, to things that are now so common and mainstream that they are being accepted as commonplace. And if things have gotten so bad in SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, can you even IMAGINE what will be on TV in 5 years, when Kalia is all of 7 years old? I don't even want to think about it.

And then there's the music problem.

You know whose music is fun and catchy and great to dance or workout to? Britney Spears. Remember "Oops I Did it Again" or "Hit Me Baby One More Time"? Or more recently "Womanizer" and "Circus"? Seriously, some of the best songs to work out to EVER. (Well, I don't really work out right now, but if I did, those would definitely be my songs of choice.)

Did you hear about her latest hit single? It's called '3'. And you know what it's about? Having a threesome. You know. A Menage a trois. Also what you might have seen on Gossip Girl the other night. Do you know what made me sick about the song? It was this news headline:
"Britney Spears becomes the first artist in over three years to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100, to be released tomorrow (Oct. 15), as "3" opens at the pinnacle of the chart." Yeah, I listened to it. I'm worried about all the people who listen and bop along to it's catchy tune and beat, not knowing what she's really saying, or not really listening to the lyrics. How about this line?

Are - you in
Livin' in sin is the new thing (yeah)
Are - you in
I am countin'

Yeah. Sickened. Livin' in sin is the new thing. SATAN'S LIES!! It's NOT the new thing for me and my house.(Joshua 24:15) Then one month later, the Gossip Girl episode that not-so-subtley teachs viewers that having a threesome is just part of college life and experimentation.

Satan's lies. Satan's lies. Satan's lies. Pounding us from the media. From sources that used to be harmless. Once upon a time, and long, long ago, when Britney was only 18 and still singing about being a heartbreaker.

The whole "dividing the wheat from the tares" is happening now. I know we can't straddle both sides forever. So if you're not ready to make your choice now, GEAR UP. We will have to choose soon. We have to. Our spiritual lives are going to depend on it. And if we don't, well, things that once felt so awful and so wrong will slowly become acceptable. It's going to be hard. I will admit, sadly, that I am still watching all three aforementioned shows. And I know that I have to just quit. Give them up. What is it going to take for me to do it? I'm not sure. But you can bet that there will be some prayer and fasting going into this decision, because I am just feeling so strongly that it's time for the floodgates to close.

One of my most favorite quotes of all time is this:
"At first we abhor, and then we ignore, and then we embrace."

And a favorite quote from C.S. Lewis:
“You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. … It does not matter how small the sins are, provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. … Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

I've heard it said that Satan's power diminshes every time a temple is built on the earth. That definitely gives me hope. I am going to start right there by trying to find a way to get to the temple every week, in hopes that it will help strengthen me against this wicked world. I have so many things that need to be worked on, so to me this is the simplest place to start.

I'm vowing today to fight back. The Media will not take me. It will not take my family. It can take itself and the world and go to hell. And I mean that literally in the non-swearing, "I'm talking about the place" way.

And that's what I think about that.
If you are in the mood for an amazing talk about the temple and the power it will have in our lives, see Elder Bednar's talk HERE

Ideas?

We have spent the last 5 days in St. George, and we're having a blast. I got to go to Time Out For Women with my mom and sisters, and it was wonderful. I have really been feeling like I've been in a scripture study rut for awhile now. I am reading a little each day but I'm not getting anything out of it. I need a new routine or study guide or SOMETHING. Any ideas?

Fabulous Finds

Time for a few more reviews on some of my favorite products:
1. Organix Coconut Milk Anti Breakage Serum

I am not sure if you can find this at Wal-mart or Target, but you will definitely find it at a drugstore. If you look at the other Organix products (shampoos and conditioners) you can probably find a "Try it free" tab on the bottle, so you can buy any organix product, and mail in the receipt for a full rebate. That's what I did. I tried both the coconut milk conditioner and this serum. I was NOT impressed with the conditioner, but I LOVE this serum. It made my hair so silky. (TOO silky, if you want your hair to hold a perfect style, FYI). I love the smell too. Well worth $4.99 if if you don't get a rebate.

2. Lancome Teint Idole Foundation

This is my favorite department store foundation (in other words, expensive), but it gives me the perfect amount of coverage, doesn't rub off too much, the coverage lasts all day, and lots of color options for all skin tones. The color I found blends in with my skin flawlessly. I love this stuff.

3. Neosporin Lip Health Daily Hydration Therapy SPF 20

This is THE BEST LIP MOISTURIZER THAT I HAVE EVER FOUND. Not only does it have sunscreen, you can't tell it's in there (a lot of Chapstick products with SPF feel really waxy, but this one is perfectly smooth.) Another great thing about this is that it's not in a jar, so you don't have to dip dirty fingers into the jar to get the product out. This white cream-like stuff moisturizes my lips for HOURS.

4. Suave Advanced Therapy

One time I was on my way into a temple session, and I stopped in the bathroom right beforehand. I washed my hands, and on my way out the door I saw this lotion that one of the workers had left for everyone to use it. I pumped a bit into my hand and rushed off, but the entire time I kept thinking about how soft my hands were. I bought a bottle after that, and I still love it. It's a really good moisturizer.

5. Tree Hut Shea Sugar Body Scrub in Coconut Lime
I bought this one day at Walmart. IT SMELLS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD. Not very coconuty or limey, at least not in the "Bath and Body Works" way, but it just smells amazing. It scrubs my skin WAY smooth. I have had little bumps on the hamstring area of my legs for the longest time, but this will scrub them right off. I think this cost around $5 and it's a pretty good size. The only downside is that the sugar grains will stay on the bottom of your shower/tub if you don't rinse really well.