Ella Bella is ONE!!!

Ella- just a few days old, with a broken collar bone, and a little bit of jaundice on her face, and looking up at me with "Endless Promise in (her) eyes." 1 Week Old
6 Months Old
One Year Old


Let me tell you a little secret about Ella: She is awesome. :) No really. I know there's something great about her. When we were ready to try and get pregnant with her, we started to face some huge opposition in our lives, and especially some conflict in our marriage. And I remember getting the distinct impression that the next little spirit that would be coming to our family was one that Satan was REALLY not happy about. I didn't know why, but I knew she was another special, valiant little spirit. I don't mean this to sound boastful in any way, but I got pregnant, well, on the first try. I was surprised. But I've never forgotten that feeling that this baby was a special one.


I love this age- where she starts trying to dress herself. The other day I caught her sitting on the stairs, trying to put a shoe on. Also, she puts everything over her head:


One time, when Ella was still really young, I had a dream that she was drowning. I hated that dream. I never saw the ending. But it's bothered me ever since. To top it off, some of you might remember that blog a few years ago about a family of 4 little girls, and the youngest one, named Camille, drowned in their hot tub at 14 months old. As Ella gets older and her personality develops, my heart just continues to ache for that family's loss. To lose a precious baby and this incredible age is just too much for me to think about.

The good thing that has come from this little "flare up" of anxiety, is that I appreciate every little thing about Ella. I don't take a day with her for granted. I want to remember every facial expression, ever sound she makes, and every little thing that makes her unique, from her cute pot belly to the way she walks, to the way she rubs her belly when she is signing "Please", to the way she gives open mouthed kisses, or points to her nose when you say, "Where's your nose?"

Having said that- here's a detailed account of how much I love this girl. She turned one today. These pictures aren't in any particular order, I just want them here for my blog book.

I didn't want to have a big party, so we just had some cupcakes after dinner. I made Ella a special gluten-free cupcake, with vegan frosting (made from coconut oil, almond milk, powdered sugar, and vanilla- and it was YUMMY!) And I also made regular Rainbow Cupcakes from Our Best Bites, with this incredible (and sinful) frosting (which by the way, is PERFECT for cinnamon rolls.)

Ella hasn't been feeling good this last week, and has been refusing food and her bottle (she's never done that.) But I was still sure she would NEVER refuse a sweet treat. And she didn't, but she did sort of pick at it, eat a bit, and then she was done and wanted to get out. She wanted to touch the rainbow cupcakes, cause they were SO PRETTY AND BRIGHT! But she didn't try to eat those either. She seemed a little confused with what to do with her special cupcake.

I hope she gets feeling better soon. Okay. On to the original post:
Oh my goodness. Have I ever mentioned how much I love this little girl??? I honestly don't remember loving any of my kids this much (although I'm sure I did.)

She brings me so much joy, every single day. I have started telling people that 12 months old just might be my idea of the PERFECT BABY AGE. She is just so easy right now, really.

Ella has showed a few glimpses of a strong-willed personality (I'm sure we'll see more of that at 18 months-3 years!! Yikes!) But 99% of the time, she is so easy going. She is brave and confident, and reminds me a lot of Kalia in that aspect. And of course she has the food allergies and sensitivities, like Annie did, and the stubborn/fiery temper (I think). She's a great mix of the two. She looks a lot more like Kalia did at 12 months.

Ella is average height and average weight, I think about 50% percentile for both. She still has those KILLER cheeks that I kiss nonstop all day, and the most fluffy marshmallow thighs, they are starting to melt away now that she has learned to climb.

And oh-how she loves to climb. She does it on everything she can. She learned how to go down the stairs (and off of beds and couches) really quickly, so now that she's a full year old, she decided she should take the stairs frontwards. She scoots off them, stands as much as possible, and always takes the final step walking straight down (and always tumbles, but never cries afterwards.)

She is signing all the time (sign language- I'm a big fan.) which is so helpful to me; She will sign milk, drink, more, and please every day. If you've ever seen a baby sign, you know it's absolutely adorable.

She loves animals so much, especially DOGS and HORSES. (When I took Ella to see Samuel's horse the other day, the horse came over and sniffed all over her and started licking her thighs, while she just giggled in delight. Then she patted his nose. So precious.)

Ella is a wonderful sleeper. She's not quite like clockwork (like Annie) and she doesn't need as much sleep as Annie, but she sleeps 13 hours straight at night, sleeps in til about 8:30 a.m. for me, and then takes two naps, or one super long one (like, almost 4 hours.) She has this teeny little pink satin/plush blanket that she loves to sleep with, and if she can find it when she's awake, she drags it around the house.

No binkies for this little one, she prefers her pointer and long finger on her right hand, which always signals to me that she's tired.

She loves sitting in her front-facing carseat.

She's started talking, another thing I love about this age. She has surprised me with a few sounds/word attempts. Like whenever I get her bottle, I usually have her on my hip, and I shake it real good, and say, "Shake shake shake!" And then one day she started shaking a bottle of pills and said, "shay shay shay" with the "shhh" sound being about 50% correct. I loved it. She also imitates me when I say, "shhhhhhhhhhhhhh", even putting her little finger up to her lips.

She is also saying Da-da and Da-dee, Pop (Papa), Nana, No, Nah (nap), Mum, Bah (Bath), Pup (poop), Dah (dog), Brrrr, and uh-oh. Oh, and it's so cute, she says, "Woah" every time she falls or almost falls.

Ella is like Kalia in that she ADORES being outside, in or near the water, and if she can get out the front door, she makes a BEELINE for the middle of the road. I don't know why she likes the road so much. And if we are in the backyard by the pool, she loves to just walk in circles around it, and climb on the diving board. Both of which make me extremely nervous, but I try to let her have a little independence. Which leads me to my next confession: she has fallen in twice. (The water is currently 55 degrees.) And I am always right there to grab her, but she cries for a second, all wet and shocked and cold, but then she's fine, and I decide it's probably for the best because I want her to have a little bit of an understanding of what happens when she gets too close to the edge.

Ella loves her dad and loves to be with her sisters. She gets excited to see them when they are gone. Of course I am her favorite, and she loves me to carry her around the house.

We still struggle with her diet. She is still on her special formula (Similac Alimentum Ready to Feed) and will probably stay on it until she is 2 years old (like Annie did.) We have had very little luck finding solids that she can have, and for now she only gets potatoes, squash, and sometimes rice/rice chex/rice krispies- but the rice stuff makes her poop acidic, and it burns her bum a little, so I try really hard to keep her off rice. We are in the market for a new grain so that I can give her something else to eat. I think we'll try Quinoa next.

One thing that I love is when I take her to her little closet to go to sleep, I close the door so it's pitch black, and she grabs her blanket and then curls her on my chest and lays her head on my shoulder. And then she STUFFS her little hands down in between the two of us, I guess because if feels warm and soft down there. I love that every time.

I know I'm biased, but I think she is my most beautiful child. She also seems to have this cute sense of humor. She will laugh at stuff when other people are laughing, but other times she laughs at stuff we say, as if she gets it. I can't wait to see where that goes in the future.

And P.S. I'll add this picture later, cause I don't have it right now, but for Ella's 1st Birthday, she got to go on her first MOTORCYCLE RIDE!!! She loved it so much, she keep lunging back to Samuel for another turn, so she got to go twice.

Two Things You Don't See....ever

Last week there were some crazy things happening! I had to document then for the blog book! The first phenomenon- Ella fell asleep in her car seat. This chick does not like to sleep anywhere but her BED! She does amazing in that pack and play, in a pitch dark closet with a noise machine going. She is a great napper, and sleeps 12-13 hours through the night as well. But this means that she will NOT sleep anywhere else. So that also means that I never get to see her sleeping, which as we all know, is one of the treasured moments of parenthood. This certain day I caught the rare moment. I love those heavy cheeks and puckered lips. And I love to see her in her final days in this gorgeous car seat. She'll be one in less than two weeks, and we'll put her in a bigger seat.
The other crazy event was the hail storm that hit Arizona. Mind you, my kids have only seen snow once in their lives, and that was in December in Flagstaff. But here in the Phoenix area, the white stuff just doesn't exist. So imagine our great surprise when, almost out of nowhere, the wather cooled down and big ol marble-sized hail started covering everything. It was coming down so hard, I was sure our Pilot, which was in the driveway, was going to be dented. (Luckily it wasn't!) I have truly never experienced anything like this hail storm. It was a doozy. Here's a few pics.

thank you!

You guys, your advice was great! I got something from each of your comments, and things are going a lot better around here. So thank you thank you THANK YOU!

Never, Ever Caught Up

Tonight I just want to write from the heart.
Disclaimer: I feel like I have a pretty happy life, despite having no money, no home of my own, and very few possessions. Truly, life is about so much more than money. It's about love. I feel like I have a lot of that, and all my other basic needs are met, so why be depressed about what I don't have? Someday things will be different...at least I have that to look forward to.
(For those of you who are wondering- Samuel is no longer working, he is now a full-time student, and we are still living in a 2-bedroom, 1 bathroom basement. A very nice, large, open basement.)
But I have NO STORAGE. My kitchen has 3 drawers, and 6 cupboards. My bathroom has two sinks, with cupboards underneath. No shelves. One closet in the hall that was filled with storage/emergency items from the day we moved in.

Add no storage/not enough space to this: I am kind of absent minded sometimes. I will set stuff down before it's put away, and forget ALL about it. I forget about laundry in the washing machine and dryer. I get food out of the fridge to feed my kids, and I get distracted before I put it away. Once I brought home groceries, including a delicious rotisserie chicken, set them on the counter upstairs, went downstairs, and forgot all about them. At least $20 worth of food, totally wasted. But just so you know, hot dogs that are unopened CAN sit out on the counter all night, and you can eat them the next day, and not get sick. We tested that one out. (Come on- they were those super delicious and expensive kind- Nathan's Hotdogs.) But anyway, I have no pantry. My can are stacked up on shelves behind my couch in our family room. And it's full to the brim, and yet somehow I'm supposed to keep stocking up on wheat and rice and sugar and food storage- which I am all in favor of doing. But where the H*#& am I going to put it?

I'm rambling. Okay. Venting. These sessions are therapeutic for me, so I'm not stopping now.

Here's another problem. I get depressed when my "house" (shall we just call it living quarters?) is messy. But guess what. It's ALMOST ALWAYS MESSY.

FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I CANNOT KEEP IT CLEAN.

Ok, I know a lot of you can probably relate. But seriously. Sometimes I feel like I am at the hardest stage- 3 little girls at home with me, all day, JUST old enough to make huge messes, and JUST young enough to be almost NO help at keeping things tidy. I dream of the day when I will only have two kids at home (Ok, I secretly dream of having NO kids at home...but that seems like a lifetime away, so I don't dwell on that very long.) But actually, I bet everyone can argue that every stage is the hardest stage, so chances are, it's not going to get much better. (!?!)

My husband ROCKS at doing the dishes, but lately I've been begging him to help me more. I have SWORN upside and down that if he can help me keep the house cleaner, I will be so much more pleasant to be around. It's just that doing dishes is not enough anymore. Now we have 3 little ones, and since no one else is really helping out, it's going to have to be him.

Either that, or I'll go crazy.
Just kidding. But seriously, this is one thing that regularly gets me down.

I called my mom one night, in tears, because I just felt so discouraged. I'm so behind, and feeling so overwhelmed, I truly don't think I can get caught up without someone taking all 3 kids out of my house for like, 3 or more days.

She was so encouraging, and gave me some good advice, and best of all, totally sympathized at the extra challenges I have of not having anywhere to put stuff. Sometimes having your feelings validated can make all the difference. I made a little progress. But like I said, until everything is dejunked and spotless, I merely feel like I am treading water around here.

There's this other little personality quirk I have. It's called, "When I Get Too Overwhelmed, I just Shut Down and Do Nothing." Rather than chip away at the mess, I just give up trying. And of course it gets worse, until I clean it just enough that it's bearable, and it starts all over again. And it's not just simple housework like laundry and bathrooms and vacuuming. I like that stuff. It's the constant dejunking and decluttering. I HATE IT. How does all this crap GET IN MY HOUSE?

Someone, PLEASE give me some encouragement/advice/wisdom...

I know that there has to be a better way. I know that cleaning and living a simple clutter free life is probably a strength to some or many of you, and it may be really hard to even understand what it's like to struggle in this way.

I know that I am not technically as busy as those of you with older children that have a million different activities to manage, and that need to be driven everywhere. I feel a little afraid of that stage too, but maybe it won't be so bad. Especially of those busy older children are old enough to do chores and pick up after themselves, and then I will be happy to take them wherever they want to go. Especially if it keeps them from making more messes, right?

Did I mention my entire kitchen is carpeted? It's quite an eye-opener. Oh well. At least I have a dishwasher down here.

Well, the light at the end of the tunnel: I managed to get Kalia into preschool for 6 weeks. We couldn't find a free one, so 6 weeks is what she gets. 2.5 hours a day, 3 times a week. It has made a big difference having one less child around. Especially the most energetic and talkative one. So I know that things will be better come August. She will be in FULL DAY KINDERGARTEN. FULL-DAY! Let us all rejoice.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, sometimes the only male in the house translates my vent sessions into me saying I hate my life. I don't at all. I feel SO incredibly blessed that we have these three beautiful girls. They bring me more joy than I can express. I wouldn't trade them for Downton Abbey, and all it's servants (love that show, just started watching it.) I don't think we should hold off having kids just because the world would say we can't afford them. I also feel extremely grateful that we have a *FREE place to live at this time in our lives. A free place that is our "OWN SPACE." That's huge. Many people don't get that luxury.

So. If someone can please just give me some advice on how to simplify, declutter, and keep things a little more orderly. I'm sure you can reflect back on your "apartment living days"- so come on now, share your wisdom.