I'm on a RAGING RAMPAGE!!!!

Oh my goodness. Some crazy person has taken over my body and I don't know who she is.

So today I am just emotional. Raging. I really don't know what's going on. After that nice, feel-good post last week about my gratitude, well, now I'm just going nuts.

Today was rough. I am still tired and barely have a voice. I still can't taste or smell anything. But the cough and sinus problems are slowly going away. Very slowly.

The real problem is that my girls are making monster messes. I am trying SO hard to keep this little basement all clean, (and maybe this is adding to the aggravation) but they keep making these huge disasters, the kind that are so big that I have to clean it myself, rather than supervise them as they do it, to take responsibility for their actions of course!

I had a baby shower to go to today- for my sister-in-law. So I turned on Nick Jr. for my girls and hopped in the shower and started my full one hour "get ready" routine. But I was only about 15 minutes into said routine (getting out of the shower) when I exit the bathroom only to find ALL the couch cushions piled on the floor, surrounded by a package of shredded and crumbling hamburger buns...oh the crumbs...they were EVERYWHERE, including in between the couch sectional cracks, etc, and all over the entire living room. There were even a few chewed up pieces of bread on the carpet.

I flew off the handle and just started SCREAMING at them in my hoarse voice. And rather than cry and wilt away, they seemed to think it was FUNNY (was I naked? or halfway covered in a towel? Yes, probably.) and this just made me even more mad. I made them go to time out, which they ran to giggling, and just sat there together having fun. Which just makes me even more angry. Why is my screaming charade not working? I scream louder, scream more, threaten to leave them at home (although they can clearly see that I am not ready to go ANYWHERE), and plus I obviously can't follow up on that threat, but still, they are not responding at all like I was hoping. I finally get them to pick up some of the bigger chunks of bread, but only by continuing my screaming.

The whole time I'm doing it though, I was like, why am I screaming like this? And why can't I stop? It was kind of bizarre. I was running late at this point and had to go finish getting ready. I almost broke down and cried in the bathroom, why, I can't say exactly, but I was just overwhelmed with frustration and...hormones.

We left the house in a rush, and the mess for later. We got home late and I put the girls in the bath, while I proceeded to vacuum the cushions, the cracks, the rug, etc. I hear the girls laughing in the tub, and not splashing TOO much, so I don't check on them for a good 10 minutes.

And, incident #2: This is the third time in TWO days I have had Annie get into my makeup. The first time it was cute/funny, and I took a pic of her before I wiped it off and gently reminded her not to use mommy's makeup. But the second time, not so funny, and the third, well...I couldn't take it anymore. And this time Kalia joined in on the fun, and she knows better.

The screaming begins again. I JUST finish cleaning up one huge mess, I'm tired and irritable, and NOW...this:
Mascara and Lipstain....everywhere. Almost looks like a horror movie at first. Oh, and Annie had mascara all over her face AGAIN. Yeah. Just what I want to do is get down and dirty and scrub the entire tub and shower. See that black ring around the tub? Nice. I'm considering leaving it til Thursday when my mom gets here.

So, there I went screaming again about messes, and WHY are they making more messes for me to clean up? Blah blah blah. Crazy psycho mom. The whole time it was almost like I couldn't close my mouth. It was so weird.

I marched them to their bedroom, put their pajamas on, and had the lights out in 2 minutes. Straight to sleep. No stories, scriptures, or even prayers. They went to sleep with me being angry.

I feel awful.
What is wrong with me?
I vowed not to yell again after the crumbs/couch incident, but I couldn't even make it the rest of the day.

But what is UP with them becoming such little disaster queens, right before the baby comes? I know I've been lucky for the last year to be able to leave them alone for a few minutes and not have this problem. Are they subconsciously doing this because they know some changes are coming? Or it's just a coincidence? Or they secretly like to watch me flying off the handle?

I wish I could say I'm about to go into labor and thus, the hormonal shift...but I don't really think that's the case.

I just needed to vent. Hopefully I will look back and laugh. Tonight I just want to cry.
So that's my story for tonight.
The End.

Change of Heart

It seems like I have a change of heart right before my babies are born. Change as in...
I start to realize how UNGRATEFUL I sound. I realize how lucky and blessed I am.
And lately, I have had a change of heart about wanting Baby Girl to come early.

First of all, that "dry chest cough" that I had (that was making me pee my pants all day) did not get better-- it got worse. Quite a bit worse. It has turned into a total of 4 weeks being sick. I have spent many days in bed, trying to rest and get better. And the sickness just keeps moving around. When I start to feel better, it migrates up to my head, or throat, and it all starts again.

I don't know what is up with this "Super Bug" because it is so resistant to everything that I've done to fight it- including a priesthood blessing. And my house is getting dirtier (not cleaner) and my laundry is piling up-- the exact opposite of what I hoped to bring a new baby home too. Plus, after all these weeks, Kalia and Annie just caught whatever I have, and they have had fevers and coughs and sore throats. DEFINITELY don't want the baby to come yet!!

I finally realized that there was maybe a lesson to learn here and had the thought to put our names on the prayer rolls of several temples (also the names of my sister's kids- she had her baby last Wednesday, and her kids are sick too.) And my dad also offered to have a family fast. And I definitely think he was inspired as I remembered Matthew 17:21- you know, the story where the disciples couldn't understand why they couldn't cast the evil spirit out of someone- and Jesus taught them that some things only "goeth out with prayer AND fasting." Kind of like this sickness that WILL NOT LEAVE.

So now there are lots of prayers (and people fasting, yesterday) offered in our behalf, and I am sure that we will get better quickly. I am so relieved to have that extra power added to what we've been trying to do on our own for weeks. I am starting to feel a lot better and even get a few things done in preparation for the baby.

I was dilated 1 cm as of last Thursday, and 50% effaced. I am having hard Braxton Hicks contractions, but who knows what it all means. Just that the time is getting close. My mom is flying in on March 31st. I would love to have the baby that night. I loved having an induction date last time, but the anticipation and excitement of not knowing exactly when she'll come is kind of fun too. And it's helping that I'm not in a hurry for that day. It's helping a LOT.

In other good news, I stopped gaining weight. In fact, I was 4 lbs less than that last Red Lobster/10 lb weight gain appointment. So that was nice. And I haven't been really hungry (I can't smell or taste right now) so my eating is tapering off-- and I'm trying to eat a TON of fruit and drink gallons of water. But I'm not so worried about my weight anymore.

That's what my change of heart is about. I was reading a pregnancy book and I read a cheesy line about "loving your uterus and being grateful to your body" I kind of snickered...and then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Here I have been so critical of my body and my belly size and my weight gain, and yet when I stop to think about it, my body has been so good to me these last 9 months. Aside from all the throwing up (which stopped at 14 weeks, so can I really complain?) I have had 3 extremely healthy pregnancies. I have never even spotted once, in 3 pregnancies. I don't have to go on bed rest. My blood pressure stays low throughout. No toxemia, pre-eclampsia, or placenta previa. I don't even have heartburn. And then my babies come big and healthy and able to nurse well and...SERIOUSLY, HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN IRRITATED WITH MY BAD ATTITUDE? I have decided that I do "love my uterus" and I really, really appreciate that my body is able to carry and deliver strong healthy babies. So if I have to gain a lot of weight to do all that, SO BE IT. So I've even started...well...talking to my body...and my uterus...and thanking it. Weird maybe. But it's pretty amazing what is going on in there. All those organs and hormones working together and creating a little person, all the while keeping me alive. Awesome.

I just don't know why I have been so ungrateful. I apologize to everyone who's had to listen to me complain. I know that the older I get, the pregnancies will probably bet harder, I will eventually experience complications and probably a miscarriage, and maybe more, but here I am at 38 weeks....14 days to go, and feeling quite comfortable- not too miserable, and not in any real hurry to have the pregnancy end.

So yeah. Change of heart. I feel kind of humbled and wanted to make sure I wrote this down.

I don't know if it's the change of heart or if I'm really not as big, but I don't feel as huge as I normally do at this stage. One more week and we'll do the traditional bare bellied sports bra pic but here's just a belly shot. (I measured 37 cm at almost 38 weeks.)

25 Days Left

I am counting down in days now. No more of this "weeks" stuff. That sounds too far away. Days. Away. Here's a few things I'm feeling at 25 days til the due date.

Oh my Aching (lower) back. My belly is getting heavy.

The feet, hands, and face are really swelling. To quote Samuel, "This is when the real metamorphasis happens." Thanks babe. (And so I will post another belly picture, but at this point there's not much you can say except agree that I'm getting very large. It's okay. Just don't say anything. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't pull my bangs back like that.) I will show you the belly from both sides, because one side always looks bigger and so I always omit that side when I post pictures. :)

I am getting rid of a chest cough. It's at the stage where it's a dry cough, but I am hacking really really hard. You know what this means. I keep wetting my pants basically. Joy of joys.

We didn't really have a name that felt right...until Kalia and Annie got involved. It's kind of a cool story, and I will save it for later, but we MIGHT have found the right name. That would be such a relief! (And hint, it is a cute name, but not once had we ever added it to our "list of possibilities.")

My sister-in-law had her baby on Friday night. We went to the hospital on Sunday to visit. He was beautiful and so tiny and my girls wanted to hold him the entire time. I had to fight them for a turn. And that's when I realized what I should expect when we bring our baby girl home. I didn't expect them to be quite so INTERESTED in this little person in my belly. Guess it's good to know in advance so I'm not blindsided by it.

Even though I have been telling them about their sister, and they have felt her kick many times.

Her car seat is already in the car. We've been trying out 4 different places of where she will fit best, and where she can sit that will allow Kalia to buckle herself in and out- one less thing for me to do.

It's the same car seat that Kalia and Annie came home from the hospital in, but my awesome friend KRISTI sewed me a gorgeous and brand new car seat cover. Isn't it adorable?

I am waddling.

Never, EVER go to your OB doctors appointment right after you went to lunch at Red Lobster. Not only did I eat soup, salad, 4 cheese biscuits, and then 1/4 of my pasta, I drank 5 full glasses of water. Then I had to get weighed, and I weighed SIX pounds more than I had when I checked earlier that morning. My doctor asked me if I REALLY gained 10 lbs in one month and I said no but my chart said otherwise. I even made the nurse weigh me twice. And both times it showed that ugly 10 lb weight gain. I was aghast. I blame it entirely on Red Lobster.

My next appointment is on St. Patty's day and I can finally get "checked". I hope the last 5 months of Braxton Hicks contractions will at least have me dilated to a 1. Is that too much to ask?

Wouldn't it be great if I could weigh LESS at that appointment than I did at the one two weeks prior?

Do I talk too much about my weight? Sorry. It bugs me, yes, but not enough to actually DIET while PREGNANT! Heaven forbid! Bring on the donuts. I will be dieting enough after the baby is born.

Speaking of donuts, we have a LOT of them around here, because they are Annie's treat of choice when she poops on the potty. And since that happens almost once a day, maybe every other day, there are a lot of donuts around here.

I love the maple bars.

I am doing okay sleeping at night, besides getting up to pee. We sleep with our window open and a big fan blowing the cold air into the room. I love it. But it takes me FOREVER to fall asleep at night, and FOREVER to wake myself up fully in the morning. I wish my fatigue would get itself in order and let me fall asleep earlier at night.

My huge protruding belly finally paid off at Stake Conference when an usher came (2 minutes after the meeting started) and recruited me off the HARD METAL CHAIRS (all the way in the back, up on the stage) and paraded us up to the front to the "Reserved Seating". It was such a good meeting, and so much better up in the front. Kalia and Annie were much better behaved than they would have been otherwise. And my tailbone was extremely grateful. (I took those pics up above right after Stake Conference. So the swelling +waddling + belly must have done the trick.)

I am getting scared. I am not going to be induced. If I go all the way to my due date, I will probably have another 9 lb baby. My last 9 lb baby was so stuck in my pelvis, they couldn't even attempt to get her out with a vacuum or forceps. What if I can't get her out? Trying not to worry...trying not to worry.

That's all for now.

Blurb Delivers

My blog books arrived today! Six years of my life, now fully documented. It took up so much time, I am so glad to have this done and out of the way. It was a new years resolution (check!) and probably the only one I ended up keeping. I didn't do anything fancy, in fact I kept it as simple as possible, and put as many pictures in as possible (not just ones from my blog- I went through all our pictures to make sure everything I wanted was in there.) And thanks to a tip from my sister, I made the pictures as big as possible too. I love how the books turned out. The colors are great, and even though I didn't upgrade to premium paper, I was really happy with the thickness of the pages. Here's a peek inside my two (280 page) books.
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Front covers. I wanted pure pictures on both the front and back.

Here are the backs:
And a few more pages inside:


What a treasure! Now when I'm asked "what would you rescue if your house was on fire?" or something like that, I have a better answer.

On a random side note, I love this picture. Annie is about 80% of the way potty trained. Just taking it slow and at her pace. If she didn't want to be potty trained, I didn't want to force her right before a new sibling arrives. She will probably still regress, but oh well. Lately she's been really gung-ho about wearing panties. And putting them on herself, of course. A private blog is about the only place to share this little gem.