Thursday, March 27, 2014

March Update
















Making a Comeback

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I'm still blogging. The answer is yes. And no. As in, I haven't been blogging in the last three months, mostly because I haven't had time. I've taken up a new hobby that I absolutely LOVE, and when I have spare time, I usually default to that. What is it?

FAMILY HISTORY.

Oh my word, I never thought I'd be obsessed with it, but I was made for family history research, it's ten thousand mysteries that need to be solved if someone will just dig deeper into it and find the answers! It is so rewarding, and addicting. One night I fell asleep really early (8 p.m) and then woke up at midnight to brush my teeth and take out my contacts. Just like always (whenever this happens) I was completely unable to go back to sleep, because my body was like, "4 hours of sleep is enough!" (Booooooooo.)  Well normally I would toss and turn trying to get back to sleep, but this time I just grabbed my computer and continued my work on familysearch.org.  At 3:30 a.m. I told myself, "I'll stop at 4 o'clock and go back to bed) (I had to wake up at 7:15 to get my girls ready for school.)
Well, 4 came and went, and I found a few new family members, and I couldn't stop there! I actually didn't go to bed until 6 a.m. that day. It was awesome. And awful, because something shouldn't be able to take over me like that, but whatever, it was new and exciting, and I knew I could turn it down a notch.

As of today, Samuel (who did some research on his line as well) took 18 names to the brand new Gilbert temple and did their baptisms and confirmations.  Samuel had a cool experience where he felt that someone in particular needed their work done (out of all the people he was working on) so we knelt down and prayed about it, and he got up and said, "Who's Thomas?" I reminded him that there were several, so we looked at all of them, and found one, a brother of his great-great-great-grandmother, who we had not reserved the work for. We hadn't been able to reserve it because someone ELSE had already reserved them. He insisted we look further, and we discovered that this person had put these names on reserve in 2008!! SIX years ago! Preventing anyone else from doing anything about it. So we contacted that person, and several weeks went by, and she finally responded and said she had no recollection of putting them on reserve, and we were free to take them. We had to figure out how to instruct her to release them, but once we did, we went to the temple that week. By far, out of the 18 names, there was a special spirit and feeling when I saw him baptized and confirmed for Thomas Dawson. It was amazing. We can't wait to keep going with the work for these ancestors.

Anyway, I have been thinking about my blog almost every day. I want to get the last few years published into another blog book, and I am sad that I am not keeping a record of my life at this busy and exhausting time of my life.

Part of what's holding me back is that I'm really struggling here with my in-laws. They are wonderful and kind and patient. But we have been here 9 months and I am dying to be on our own. I am afraid to write my true, raw, feelings, because the last time I just laid it out like that, Samuel's cousin (who sadly, is no longer allowed to read this blog, for this very reason, although I still love her to death) took my blog post, shared it with some people who I was struggling with, and the crap HIT THE FAN!! They were all so offended and judgmental, even though they were never supposed to know of the struggle (because I had overcome it and was feeling much better, but it didn't matter.) There has been so much trouble and drama in Samuel's family TO THIS DAY (this was over a year ago) because of that post. I have re-read it many times and do not think I was mean or ungrateful, but someone else interpreted it that way, and gossiped about it, and it has caused some major problems.

So now, I am here and continue to be tested and refined and want to just pour out my soul for the sheer sake of getting it off my chest, but I have some fears and anxieties now about the possible repercussions of that. I will probably just try to do it more carefully, because truthfully, I desperately need some emotional support from people who understand and can empathize. Samuel is completely unable to process the idea that I would be having a hard time here. It is odd. He keeps thinking he can "talk me out" of my feelings of being smothered, "watched" constantly, and doesn't understand that I am worried every minute of every day about being here. I am trying SO hard to be thankful for all the great blessings:  A free place to live, a very small space to have to clean, more help with the kids, lots of free babysitting, and the opportunity to not have to work and put my kids in daycare. BUT, they can't outweigh the stress I feel being here. My in-laws are both home ALL day, and do not leave very often. They have lots of people over to the house. My introverted personality struggles with the constant conversation and cheerfulness that I am supposed to engage in. If I'm sad or frustrated or angry at anyone, my in-laws see it, and assume it's directed at them. Our bedrooms are right next to each other. I don't feel like we have any privacy. My father-in-law has already seen me once in nothing but garments at 5 a.m. when I tried to sneak to the fridge to get a bottle for Aria. Another time, Ella barged right in the bathroom while I was taking a quick potty break, and her timing was impeccable- my father-in-law JUST HAPPENED to walk down the hall exactly at that second and saw me sitting there.  AWKWARD.  When I tell Sam that these things are hard for me, he says stuff like, "Well why didn't you lock the door?" At least he hasn't seen me naked. But anyway, I feel constantly overloaded with too many people, sounds, smells, and worries. And so I'm just struggling to keep my head above water. We are close to the end. Samuel takes his final exam (comprehensive final, covering all two years of material) and he is stressed. SO AM I!! If he doesn't do really well, he could fall below the 76% passing requirement, and he will have to repeat the entire semester, and he won't graduate in May like he's supposed to. Any fasting or prayers would be MUCH appreciated in his behalf. I'm praying so hard that he can graduate on time. He probably gets less than half of the study time that his fellow students get, and they are always telling me they don't know how he is even surviving and passing each semester. It's so hard! I am amazed, and will never look at a nurse the same. They have to be extrememely intelligent individuals.

That's all the time I have for now. I hope to be writing more frequently!!





Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Here's the Latest

Aria- almost 10 months old, starting to take steps on her own, the same age as Annie was. Tonight she took about 4 steps, walking to Annie. Kalia and Annie LOVE seeing Aria's new tricks) She plays patty-cake and says "Da-da" a lot, also regularly says a word that sounds like "eat" (I've been trying to get her to sign it.) Her first word was technically "Ella", sounds more like "Eh-ya" but she says it pretty clearly and mimics almost anyone who says it. 
Actually, she mimics the girls all the time, especially when they are trying to get her to do it, and they say "yi-yi-yi-yi-yi". Then they all go dead silent, there's a pause, and then she pipes up: "Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!" It's adorable and the girls totally get a kick out of it. Oh yeah, she also says "Hi" but not particularly when she waves. Still worth noting. She is such a fun age. She is also obsessed with getting into the cupboards lately, and does it on a regular basis. Oh yeah, and she does this funny thing, when she sees me sweeping the kitchen floor (which almost ALWAYS is because I'm trying to get all the stuff off the floor that will bother her tummy when she shoves it in her mouth), and she makes a beeline for my pile of stuff, and I have to rush to sweep it into a dustpan and get it in the trash. She knows where to find the goods. She just started blowing bubbles when she drinks water out of a cup. She can also drink out of a straw, thanks to the baby foods in a little squeeze packet. If I give her one of those, she'll just suck that thing dry, which is great, because I feel bad wasting the food that's left in the little packet.  She waves hi and bye to people, and she LOVES to be outside. She can crawl around and eat dirt and gnaw on rocks and explore the outdoors all day long. She loves being on the trampoline with anyone who will bounce her (not too high of course). She wakes up at least once in the middle of the night for a bottle, but because we live with the in-laws, we just put up with the night time waking (and take turns doing it. We are tired. No doubt about it.She then wakes up around 7 a.m., naps twice during the day, and eats gluten-free animal crackers, rice krispies (only once a week, still a little sensitive to rice) and then we have to rotate her solids so she doesn't react to them. These are in her rotation:
Green beans, peas, mango, cauliflower, avocado, sweet potato, and squash. I gave her freeze-dried blueberries one day and she devoured them and loved them. They need to be tested one more time to make sure they are okay. She had a bad reaction to something 3 days later and I need to rule out the blueberries as the cause.  I'm still trying to get her to sign "more" and "drink" but so far she only signs milk, and that's okay.She screams a lot (more like squeals/screeches) to try to let us know what she wants and doesn't want, but we are teaching her not to use that as a form of communication. I tell her over and over, "Don't scream." It's starting to get better. *Update: Yesterday she turned 11 months old. She is talking quite a bit and now says about 8 words. The one she says most is 'Hi." She says it all day to everyone.)
She got sick for the first time when she was 9 months old. It started with a fever one night, but she still slept okay, and seemed fine the next day. Then at bed-time, the fever was back, and was really hot. 103.6.  I kept her in bed next to me all night, rubbing peppermint/coconut oil on her to bring the fever down. When I couldn't stay awake any longer, I finally gave in and gave her ibuprofen. I've read that if you can hold off on the drugs, the sickness will go away much faster, because the immune system is burning it away with that fever. Anyway, the next day she wasn't feeling well, but no fever. Then that night, it came back again! Not as high, and we made it through another night without drugs. The 4th day she was okay but had the pinprick red dots ALL over her trunk, and I was relieved, because I knew it was a viral rash, and that it was a good sign that the virus was probably almost (or already) dead. It looked just like the pics online of Roseola, so I'm pretty sure that's what it was. She really seems to have a strong immune system. The kids have brought home colds, coughs, and the stomach flu, which spread to the family, but she never got it. She gets a little runny nose, or sometimes a majorly runny nose, but I put lots of essential oils on her feet, and it goes away in a few days. I'm so very thankful for that. Goat's milk is low in vitamin C, so I was kind of expecting her to get sick a lot. 

Ella is my little buddy, obviously because we are together allllllll day. That one hasn't napped for a year, and also doesn't take a "rest time"- which was mandatory for Kalia and Annie. Ella is pretty good at playing alone (some of the time, depending on her mood.) One day I went looking for her and she was outside in the playhouse, arranging a plant. She told me to "sit down right there" (on the little bench outside her window) because she had made me "Chicken Soup."  Totally made me smile. I love that she just went out and was playing on her own. I have a few memories of doing that. Other times of the day, she wants and needs my FULL attention.  She tells me what to call her (lately it's Aria,  or Elsa (from the Disney movie Frozen). She also likes to tell me what to say. For example, she comes up to me, hiding her blanket behind her back, and says, "You say, 'where is your blankie?'" And after I say that, she answers, and then tells me again what else to say.   She's a good girl. She's been a little "off" this last week, in that she's been a bit pale, a bit grumpy, hasn't had a very good appetite, and also had a slight rash on her face from something she ate. She has been downright rude to her Nana and Papa, when they try to be nice at her, like, she yells at them. She has also thrown two big tantrums, which is new for her; in the second tantrum of the week, she got hysterically angry over something, I wasn't sure what, but she screamed for about 15 minutes in her room, and since she was right where I'd prefer her to be when throwing a tantrum, I just let her get it all out (hoping that maybe she'd actually fall asleep and take a little nap.) When it finally got quite, I was sure she was asleep, but after a few more minutes, she came walking all out, happy, as if nothing happened. I was surprised, and after a bit I asked her why she had been screaming. She casually answered, "because I didn't want you to go potty." (I had just used the bathroom right as the tantrum started, so it all made sense...kind of). But Whaaaat? She threw a tantrum over that?? Weirdo. haha. I have heard of the terrible 3's.  Her birthday is in 5 weeks. Maybe that's what's going on. (Update: one week later, she's back to her normal self. Whew!) She doesn't seem to have many food allergies left, just a sensitivity to peanuts and a few other mysterious things that I can't pin down. She really only likes a few foods: Peas, Peanut butter (will eat it out of the jar with a spoon if she can get away with it) nuts like peanuts and cashews (I switched them out to help with her rash, and she didn't really know the difference). She loves eggs, "runny" or scrambled, and usually asks for them every day. And she LOVES vanilla yogurt, mostly I think because I let her add sprinkles to it. She also likes rice, beef, cold cereal (Rice Krispies/Cheerios being about the only kinds) and she also likes chocolate chips. She has been drinking almond milk, mostly right before bed, warmed up (fine, I admit it, in a bottle. It gets taken away by the bottle fairy at age 3, so in 5 weeks.) And I have been slowly transitioning her to cow milk. Tonight she drank a full bottle of warmed (RAW) cow milk , full of amazing enzymes and good bacteria. *Only $10/gallon.  Probably won't be a regular thing but I am on a super healthy diet right now and can only have homemade yogurt, preferably from raw milk. But I digress.
Sometimes I see Ella plug her ears when things get loud or overwhelming. So when she's really cranky, I can usually assume overstimulation has something to do with it. She is still the most polite two-year old I know, usually thanking me frequently throughout the day, and with reminders, asks for things, "Please may I..." If I'm home, she likes to stay with me, and if I'm going somewhere, she likes to go. She LOVES to buckle things like carseat buckles and grocery cart buckles, and insists on doing it herself. She runs around naked quite constantly and we are always trying to at least get her to put on underwear. Her curly hair is usually tangled in the back and she screams bloody murder when I comb it in any way. So sometimes I just let her go out to the store or wherever, with semi-tangled hair. It's just not worth the fight. She is pretty happy about watching Animaniacs cartoons, one of my favorite shows from my childhood. I brought it home from the library, and all 3 girls can't get enough. Ella frequently tells me (and everyone else) that she is a GROWN UP.
Ella also got to tour the Gilbert temple (twice) and was so cute, saying she was going there to get married. To who, we asked? "The Prince!" she squealed. After the tour (the first time) she seemed pretty down in the dumps. We thinks he was bummed that there was no prince to marry. At least not yet. :)