Hospital Stay- Part 2

Part Two:
This night (Wednesday) was the one of the hardest, most emotional nights I've ever had in my life. And looking back I realized that's when our support system just magically showed up. I'm so grateful for that.
As the doctor was telling us the (bad) news, my sweet friend Crystal was buzzing in- she was in the waiting room with dinner for me and Samuel, and a camera that I'd asked to borrow. So she was the one who heard the news first. I was trembling and crying as I told her, and she just grabbed me and hugged me so tight and just cried with me. It meant so much to me. I think she was literally holding me up at that moment, and I was glad she was there. She called the Relief Society President who headed over to the hospital. Just before she arrived, our awesome friend and home teacher and his 2 little girls arrived with a stuffed kitty and balloon for Kalia. I was still crying and having a hard time stopping, and so once the RS Pres arrived (who happens to be one of the sweetest most loving women I have ever met in my life) she suggested I go get a blessing, since Samuel and the home teacher were there. She stayed with Kalia while we found the empty "chapel" and they gave me my very-needed blessing. I asked my home teacher to say the blessing. He has been through some hard times, including losing his leg and the use of one arm in a scary hit-and-run accident on his mission. I knew that he would have a magnificent perspective of what we were going through, and I wanted him to be the mouthpiece. It was such a beautiful blessing, and I remember him saying that we would come closer to each other, and to the Lord, through this, and that our backs would be strengthened to bear the burdens that would be placed upon it. I was reminded that nothing is to big or small for the Master of the Universe to repair, if it was His will. And I was told that Kalia would have angels around her bed to help her, as well as the doctor and nurses who would be inspired as to how to best help her.

I know his little girls just stared at me (open-mouthed) during the blessing, because I was trying hard not to sob. But I finally felt some peace afterward, and I went back in to the room with Kalia. My RS Pres reminded me not to be shy about asking for blessings, because as she put it, "What else can we do to get such an instant blessing of peace?" She was right. I tried REALLY hard to be happy and cheerful for Kalia, who was noticing my behavior. Samuel was holding up pretty well at this point. Thank goodness only one of us was falling apart at a time.

She was awake (her bum was numb for 4 hours- that was nice. I wish we had that going on right NOW!) and the hospital had tons of brand new toys for her to play with and take home. There was STILL no room for her anywhere, so we were hanging out in the post-op room. Our Bishop came to visit. He was a little ticked that this incident had happened the day before, and he was just hearing about it then, but it was still nice of him to pop in and to try to cheer us up. After he left, I went out to call my parents. Instead of my mom answering, it was my dad. I was so glad to talk to him, because he always has such wonderful spiritual counsel. After I cried my heart out to him, I asked him, "So, what do you think?" He told me that the words he kept hearing were the words from "Master the Tempest is Raging." He said he kept hearing the words, "They all shall sweetly obey thy will...Peace, Peace, be still." He also reminded me that sometimes our relief will not come until after our darkest hour. And I told him that THIS BETTER BE IT CAUSE I DON'T WANT IT GETTING ANY DARKER! It's seriously been a long 8 months of roller coaster trials, so I was hoping that maybe this was a sign that we were hitting rock bottom.

This is what her little bum looks like now:I know, right? It's hard to look at. And she cannot stand it when we have to wash her or put Bacitracin on the stitches. She screams until my heart is ready to break. But they are at high risk for infection because of their location, so I have to put her through that multiple times a day- every time she goes to the bathroom I have to put her in the shower and hose her down with the showerhead to try to get her clean. The worst part is that they put her on a laxative while she was in the hospital, because it had been 2 days without a bowel movement, and we didn't want her to get constipated or to have to bear down to push. But now, a week later, she is still having diarrhea and it means I spend a good portion of the day washing her off in the shower, and making her scream when I put stuff on her stitches.

Okay. This is weird but I am going to write it anyway. I have to stop here for awhile because I am having a hard time writing this. I am crying and shaking and my teeth are chattering. I kind of don't know where this is coming from because it didn't happen when I wrote Part One, but I think I need to go get on my knees in some prayer cause I don't know what else to do. It's like there's miles and miles of deep emotion that just need to come out, and I think that replaying all of this is tapping into something deep...something that I didn't know was there. I didn't realize this had been so traumatizing for me...like I should even have time to think of myself at a time like this. But I have a hard time sleeping at night. And I had to bathe Annie last night, and it took me about 30 minutes to get the courage to go into that bathroom to fill up the tub for her. There was still a little blood smudged on the tub. So I appreciate your prayers not only for my sweet Kalia, but also for me and Samuel, as we work out way through all of this. I love you guys and I can't thank each of you enough who have reached out to show your love for us. It is really carrying us through.