Birth Story

Here I am at 39.5 weeks pregnant- the last pics of me pregnant (ahhhhh...that felt good to write). I was only measuring 38 cm, so this is a smaller belly size for me. Don't know why, but kind of a fun surprise after all my complaints about people telling me I was big.




I have had to work on this long and detailed story for several days. Didn't want to leave anything out- of course!

So, back up to Sunday, March 26th. I was really anxious to get my labor going. I didn't have any signs of labor yet, besides being dilated to 1 cm. So on Sunday we went for a morning family walk. Then after that, I walked up and down our stairs (3 landings- 17 stairs) a total of 40 times. I had some nice hard Braxton Hicks contractions, but still nothing. (This stair-walking brought on my labor with Kalia within about 48 hours, or so I thought, maybe it was just a coincidence, but I had to try it anyway.)

I took the belly pictures on Sunday- in typical, sports bra fashion. I was surprised then, (and still surprised now) that all of a sudden I don't feel "Extra large" anymore. I don't even feel like I'm almost 40 weeks along. I kind of like my belly size.

Monday and Tuesday go by. No signs of labor. Braxton Hicks are irregular, but getting stronger. Still not painful. Wednesday I was really worried that my mom was going to show up and I was going to go overdue, and she would miss the birth. So on Wednesday morning I walk about 2 miles with the girls. Wednesday evening I walked (and jogged and skipped) 2 more miles by myself, and then jumped on the trampoline (hard) with Kalia and Annie, all in hopes of getting some more dilating action. I knew if I had dilated past a 1, my doctor could most likely strip my membranes at my Thursday morning appointment.

Thursday morning I woke up at 6 a.m. to pee, and oddly, couldn't fall back asleep. I realized that I was having regular Braxton Hicks contractions, even while laying down! They were about 10 minutes apart- still no pain. But regular! How exciting! They continued for the next 6 hours, including while I was at my doctors appointment.

The FIRST happy moment was when I got on the scale and I had LOST a pound. Which meant I hadn't gained any weight in 4 weeks, plus I'd lost a pound. What a miracle. I guess that's what happens when you lose your ability to smell and taste.

The SECOND happy (nearly euphoric moment) happened when my doc checked me and said, "Oh yeah. You're ready." (I was dilated 2-3, 75% effaced, a nice change from 7 days previous) and he stripped my membranes, which he warned me would hurt, but wasn't very bad. He told me that he thought there was a good chance that I'd go into labor that day/later that night, and that would be great for him, because he had all his c-sections scheduled for the following day, which could be tricky if I went into labor then. I practically skipped outta there.

I picked up my mom at the airport, we went to Costco to stock up on a few necessities, filled the car with gas, and waited....I thought my contractions would get harder and more painful. But basically they stopped. My mom talked me into taking a nap, which I did, from 4-6 p.m. But at 6 and 7 p.m. STILL NO CONTRACTIONS! Now I was a little bugged because my hopes were up, Samuel was at work, anxiously awaiting "The Call" that it was time, and everyone on facebook knew that I might be having a baby that day.

My mom encouraged me to go on another walk, so we took Annie in the stroller, and we did a light jog for about 2-3 miles.

That finally did the trick. An hour later, my contractions started regularly, and they hurt a little. So I used an awesome App on my Ipod touch, and kept track of them. I started tracking at 8:20 p.m. and they were coming every 7-10 minutes.

Samuel came home, and I made him drive me to this house to get a refrigerator off of Craigslist. I didn't want anyone else to get it, and we really needed a new one, and this one was a great deal. So there I am, laboring away as we pick up a fridge. I had to start concentrating and relaxing through my contractions (about 6 minutes apart at this point) as they were hurting more. I also made Samuel quit talking to me during contractions, so that I could focus. Still though, pretty bearable pain!

We got home around 9:30, and they just kept coming, slowly getting closer together. I was trying to watch American Idol (elimination results) but I had to pause the show every 5 minutes. They were getting closer together.

We decided to call Samuel's mom to come over to stay with the girls at 11:00 and in the 30 minutes it took her to get there, I climbed into a hot bath, which felt GREAT, and labored there for a bit. That definitely took an edge off the pain. They were down to about 3-4 minutes apart when I really had to crack the whip and be like. OK. IT'S TIME. LET'S GO. It wasn't so much that they were killing me (like I expected)- it was just that they were getting so close together. So I think we actually left at about 11:40 p.m.

We got in the car, me, Samuel, and my mom, except I insisted on sitting in the very back where there's not a seat, and I was sitting on Kalia's big bouncy ball. That had helped at home, but in a bouncing car (and my head grazing the roof of the Pilot) not so much. Contractions were hurting a lot, also, I couldn't get in a good position to ease the pain (moving and finding positions was key in me staying home as long as I did, and not being in as much pain as I expected to be at that point.)

But during the 20 minutes car ride, I was really hurting, in fact, I kept telling them that I was feeling really nauseated, and that I thought I was going to throw up. Samuel was sweet and ran a few red lights to get me there faster.

We got to the Pregnant Patient entrance and Samuel and my mom talked to one lady to check me in, while some nurse made me stand there for 10 minutes and give her my HEALTH HISTORY (SERIOUSLY? I had pre-registered, and they were making me give health history? I was so irritated, and in contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart.) Then they took me to Triage. I have never had to be in triage before. IT SUCKED. I could see all these drawn curtains with (supposed) laboring women behind them, but it was totally quiet except for the baby heartbeats that were sounding. (How were they all being so quiet? I can't figure it out.)

Of course, that silence went away when I seriously started MOANING during my contractions, and swaying and holding onto Samuel. All this and there is no nurse even coming to CHECK me. Again, I almost wanted to start screaming at them to hurry up, but they were in no hurry. FINALLY some nurse comes in (it was probably 7 minutes, but it felt like 20) and makes me lay down, which hurt, and she checked me and said I was 7 CM dilated. That was good news, but not good enough, I didn't know how long it would take me to get to 10 CM, so I just looked at her with INTENSE eyes and said, 'I WANT AN EPIDURAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." She looked back with big eyes and said OK! Like, she could feel what I was throwing down. I go back to my slow dancing/moaning/disturbing other laboring mothers with my pain management, 5 minutes later, two nurses come in with bags of something in their hands, and in my distress I remember thinking that maybe this was the anesthesiologist already to give me my epidural! Yay! But no. They were like, nursing students who came to put an IV in.

I DIDN'T WANT A DANG IV, I WANTED SOME PAIN RELIEF! (I forgot that you have to have like 20 minutes of IV pushed through your body before they can even give you an epidural. I couldn't talk or complain though. Before they could even start to stick me with their pokey thing, I felt the urge to bear down. And I told them. I THINK I NEED TO PUSH!

Aw, the look in their eyes was great. It was like the lightbulb turned on. Even though it had only been 5 minutes since I was told I was at a 7, apparently it was time.

The nurses snapped into action and decided to move me straight to a delivery room. They made me lie in bed to transport me (again- I'm not loving this laboring lying down thing!) and then we enter the delivery room, full of nurses. Still no doctor. I saw my postpartum nurse preparing the infant warming bed. That really stuck out to me at the moment- my baby was really almost here, and was going to be IN THAT BED in just a short while!

So all these nurses are bustling around, but without a doctor to direct me, everybody was trying to just leave me alone. Samuel was at the side of my bed. I had a few contractions, and I knew that you're supposed to pant like a dog to stop yourself from pushing. So that's what I did, and the nurses were so nice and encouraging and telling me to keep that up. I have the vaguest recollection of the nurse putting the IV in, but that was really the least of my concerns as the contractions were coming fast.

My nurse tried to check me again to see if I was at a 10, but she said she couldn't tell, because all she could feel was a "bulging bag of waters." But I did hear her say, "I don't think she's complete." I was a little worried that I was going to be stuck laboring for another hour trying to get complete, and at that point I was sure I couldn't take this pain for much longer. She also said, "As soon as that water breaks, that baby is coming out."

Finally I just said I HAVE TO PUSH (with question marks in my eyes like, what do I do?) And the charge nurse finally said, "We can't tell you what to do- but you can do whatever your body tells you." In other words- Green Light. Whew! I started pushing. And it really did feel like the biggest bowel movement ever, but it just felt so great to not fight that urge anymore! The nurses were like, 3 feet away from the bed, but kind of peering in to see what was happening, and everybody was making encouraging comments (Samuel said they could see the bulging perineum) but it was nice to feel like my pushing was going to go faster than it has in the past.

It was a totally different experience for me to push when I felt fully rested and strong and unmedicated. It was actually AWESOME. I just felt strong. Even though I was on my back (not the best position for pushing, and since I didn't have the epidural, I could have pushed in a squat or something, but it was happening to fast for me to even try to get up and move. Plus- the pushing was very effective. She was moving down. It was still hurting. The urge to push, it seems like, came every 30 seconds, but it was no problem to catch my breath and push some more. I remember saying that one of the nurses was going to have to deliver the baby, cause I couldn't hold back anymore. I gave a good strong push, and POP!! The best way I can explain it is that my water EXPLODED. It hit Samuel, but the majority of it ended up 8 feet away all over the floor. It felt cool. And sounded cool. And it was just exciting. Here's Samuel with a splattering of amniotic fluid on him. hahaha!Just a minute later, MY DOCTOR ARRIVED! Yes! Finally! He sat on the (wet) bed to check me real quick, and said he could feel a little bit of cervix still there, so on the next contraction, he literally like, pushed it the rest of the way out of the way (does that make sense).

That was probably the MOST EXCRUCIATING PAIN I have ever felt, to have him doing that during a contraction. But the good news was, the exit was clear. I was "complete."

The doctor turned to get his smock and gloves on, and before he could even do that, I had pushed out part of the head. Samuel told me this later, but I guess he had to use part of his sleeves (covering his hands) to start to guide the head out. The nurses got excited and told me to look, but then I stopped pushing, so my Dr. reminded me to get back to focusing and pushing. And somehow he got his gloves on.

So I do remember pushing with all my might, and really GROANING as I pushed, and I also remember that instead of pubic bone pain, like I felt with Annie, it was all in my hips, which have been really sore the last week before labor. It was like I could feel them widening as I pushed her body through, but I felt like all my hip bones were popping out of socket.

Oh. And then. the RING OF FIRE! I don't remember it hurting so bad with Annie, so maybe the epidural (that had worn off) gave me a tad bit of relief, but that ring of fire, when the head is coming through, but has to sit there in between contractions. HOLY COW. I was sure I had ripped and torn in 8 places. That burned and hurt like crazy. But I was feeling excited that she was coming out so quickly. So I just kept following those urges to push, like, every 10 seconds. It seems like it was all one big, unstoppable urge to push at this point. It was really cool. My mom was snapping pictures and telling me what was happening, "She has hair! The head is out! Here come the shoulders!" And then ahhh....relief, I felt her come all the way out. Nobody said anything at the time, but Samuel noticed that Ella had the cord wrapped tightly around her neck once. Her face was dark purple. The doctor noticed of course, and Samuel saw him slip a finger under the cord right after her head came out, to help loosen it a little. Then he undwound it as soon as she was out.

(And though I can't post them, my mom captured three of the COOLEST pictures I've ever seen- one of the baby with just her head out (and cord wrapped), then one with her being pulled out, she's about 50% out of my body, and you really get to see how big you, um, STRETCH to let a baby out. And then this moment right after he pulled her out, and you can see the cool umbilical cord, which is still attached to the placenta inside me. (Sorry for anyone who doesn't like the details, but I am fascinated by all of it, so I'm including them.)

They placed her on my chest, and tried to suction her, but she wouldn't cry. This is like, one second after he pulled her out. I could see that she had some meconium stuck to her little bum cheeks, so we knew there was a little distress going on.

So since they couldn't get her to cry (it was only about 30-60 seconds it seems...but I could hear her making sounds), they decided to cut the cord quickly (Samuel did it, in fact my mom also just happened to catch this moment the second the scissors snipped the cord. She got so lucky with her haphazard picture snapping, but she caught some really amazing moments from the other side of the hospital bed.

As soon as they carried her to the warmer, she let out a big wail, and didn't stop. She pinked right up, and they cleaned her up and brought her back to me.It was great. I was so excited that LABOR was over. And oh my goodness, I think I had the proudest husband in all the world. Proud because his sister and mom like to go natural, but his wife--kind of a wuss about pain. He must have said 25 times, "I can't believe you did it." I never did really get him to clarify what he meant, but I know that he was really shocked that I made it without pain medication. He also couldn't believe that I, in his words, "handled it so well"- he was remembering how I completely fell apart and screamed and thought I was going to die when I was laboring with Kalia (for 27 hours, on Pitocin, and had the epidural wear off for three hours at the end- three separate hours.) I reminded him that #1, I didn't have a choice about going all natural- and that I HAD begged for an epidural in triage, and #2, that with the Kalia labor, I was on that awful Pitocin for hours, dilated to a 10 for hours, and had to cope with THAT awful (back labor) pain, and yes, it was much worse than what I had just gone through.) Nonetheless, I really appreciated his praise and adoration.

Anyway, I forgot that I had a placenta to deliver, and so the doctor turned his attention back to me after a little bit and delivered it. He had me give a little push to get it out. I don't remember doing that. And yes, I like to look at it and see the cool thing that fed my baby for 9 months. So other than my booty, which felt "like a bomb had gone off down there"- I was feeling pretty dang awesome. Not quite euphoric, like I've heard people say after going natural, but just really happy. I just loved everyone. My doctor. The nurses. My mom. My husband. My baby. Love love love. And pain in the booty mixed in there.

Then I heard the nurse ask, "Any tearing?" And he said, "No." And I think my jaw hit the ground because after feeling what I felt, I was sure there was tearing. And I tore when I had Annie, in two different places, and this baby was almost the exact same size as her, so I was just really surprised to hear that I didn't need stitches. ESPECIALLY because the doctor didn't have any time to do any stretching or prepping of that area.

As a side note, a few days before I went into labor, a girl I knew in high school had given me some tips on managing my labor and delivery- specifically, pain management tips. She had just had a successful home birth, and also had not torn- and she had shared with me that she had tried to "surrender to the pain" and keep it in perspective, and really appreciate it instead of dread it. She thought that might have made a difference in her delivery and her body letting the baby out without tearing. I think that she is on to something, and that her techniques helped me in more ways than one. Also, twice in the week before the birth, I had tried to "stretch myself" a little in the shower, but I didn't really know what I was doing, so I'm not sure if that made a difference.

So Samuel got to really hold Ella first, and she was all bundled up at that point. It was so sweet to see him snuggling her and talking to her. Finally he gave her to me so I could try to nurse her. That was a little discouraging, because she didn't show any interest in it- and she wouldn't latch. She just whimpered. I have heard that babies born without an epidural will nurse and latch extra good, right away, but that didn't happen for me. Maybe she was too traumatized? But she just whimpered for about 5-10 minutes. She had some big 'ol forehead bruises, and blood pooled in her eyes, maybe from when my water broke, and slammed her down into my pelvis? Not sure, but one week later and she still has the blood in her eyes (enlarge this picture from a few days ago- you can see the blood in her eyes. It's not too bad though.) Finally she did latch on though. My doctor had left at this point, after I thanked him profusely and probably told him I loved him. I really felt a lot of good emotions- love and gratitude and excitement, and happiness that I actually was able to give birth without an epidural.

I had really wanted to try a natural birth, but was pretty sure I couldn't handle the pain. I knew that as soon as the hospital "admitted" me, I would cave in and ask for pain relief. So my plan was to labor at home as long as I could take it, and hope I could get to the hospital so far along that I wouldn't even have time for an epidural. But I REALLY did not think it was going to happen exactly how I had secretly wanted. Also, did anyone notice that the baby was born the same night my mom flew in? Go back a few blog posts and read about how "I would love to have the baby that night"-- and sure enough, I did? I just felt like Heavenly Father really gave me some tender mercies with this birth- not sure what I did to deserve them.


Another tender mercy happened when it was time for them to move me to the postpartum room. I didn't get to choose the hospital where I gave birth- I had to go to the hospital closest to my doctor's office, since I was a VBAC patient. It's a good hospital, and the only complaint that maternity patients ever had (according to my research) was that the recovery/postpartum rooms were TEENY! So that was the one thing I was not looking forward to. We even sent my mom home to get some sleep, since I knew there was not going to be room for her and Samuel to stay the night.

But somehow, at that moment in time, they didn't have an open postpartum room, so they wheeled me to what the nurses call "The Penthouse"- the biggest delivery room they had, their "overflow room." It was HUGE. A big ol couch for Samuel to sleep on, plus a rocking chair, a big comfy bed, and room to spare everywhere. It ROCKED! It was just like one great surprise after another. I couldn't believe how everything was going so well.

The rest of the time in the hospital was a breeze. I had Samuel take out my IV port a few hours later, cause it was bothering me. The nurses told me to leave it in for 24 hours, but why on earth did I even need it? They could always start a new one. So Samuel took out his first IV ever. It kind of hurt. :)

The girls came to visit twice. It was a sweet reunion, and they totally loved their new sister. Kalia's favorite thing is to be the Binky Police. She likes to put it in Ella's mouth, or "just hold it" in her hand, or sometimes, of course, I catch her sucking on it. With a super guilty expression on her face. Annie has been surprisingly cheerful and sweet. I thought she'd be the more difficult one. We'll see as time goes on.

I got a really awesome "Welcome Home"- the best I've ever had after giving birth. My next door neighbor decorated the outside of the house with balloons. And the people we're living with happened to be home this weekend (they are usually not here) and they gave me a beautiful lily bouquet. My mom and girls had gotten some mylar balloons, and Samuel gave me some gorgeous roses. It was such a fun surprise to come home to all that. (Finally Samuel caught on that a girl wants some FLOWERS after birthing a child!)So- the recovery.
What can I even say about the recovery. It was almost like there was nothing to recover from. My bum hurt for about 6 hours. I took some Ibuprofen for it. I got up and walked around right away and felt amazing. I didn't use a peri-bottle once- I didn't even know you could give birth and come home without needing a peri bottle, or tucks, or numbing spray. And it just got even better after that. My lower back has been sore, but other than that, (and the contractions while nursing, which were pretty brutal), I have not even felt like I gave birth. I went to the grocery store yesterday, and took Ella, and people kept looking at me funny when I said she was "4 days old." And I admit- who goes grocery shopping with a 4-day old baby? Granted, my last two births have been a c-section (and postpartum infection) and a vaginal birth, with tearing, and stitches that came out and had to be put back in a few days later-- there was lots of pain, hobbling, and pain while going to the bathroom. So that made this recovery seem even more like a breeze. But wow. I think these people are onto something about the benefits of going natural- if it works out that you can do it.

Finally, I did not have back labor this time- so the labor and delivery was just that easier. I will say that if, with my next baby, I have back labor, and I know my baby is not in a "fast birthing" position, I will not try to be tough and go natural. Plus, back labor is just that much more painful, and sometimes doesn't let up. Just a note to self for future.So, now it's almost a week later. My mom has been here all week and has truly been a lifesaver. She has done EVERYTHING for me. I've just been sitting around and snuggling my baby. I can't get enough of her, and it's been so wonderful to have all this time to hold her. She sleeps all day, and has a fussy period almost every night (middle of the night.) So we're working out those kinks. Kalia and Annie are doing great with her, and aren't mauling her nearly as much as I expected. They ask to hold her once or twice a day. And they tell me as SOON as she starts crying, in case I didn't notice.

I had to drop my mom off at the airport today. She left everything in order for me- everything clean and spotless and all the laundry done, and meals made, and shelves organized, etc. etc. I had a mini-meltdown the night before she left. You know, the typical "My mom is leaving me" meltdown. The true test will come in the next few weeks as I try to manage on my own. I think Samuel will take about 5 days off to help out, and then the real trial begins.
I finally had to cave in and go to the doctor. I was almost better when the symptoms relapsed, so my mom urged me to get in to a doctor to listen to my lungs, which were very congested, as were my sinuses. He sent me to get a chest X-ray to make sure it wasn't pneumonia. And I finally caved in and started an antibiotic. And I REALLY hope this is finally the end of it. I was just so sure that it was viral- and maybe it started out that way, but it seems like it progressed into bacterial infections. I am just really hoping my baby doesn't catch anything from me.

WHEW! That was long. But now I can rest that all the details are safely recorded, and I can get back to holding my baby. Here's a few more pics that I took today. She is 6 days old and I already wish time would slow down. I absolutely love newborns in their first few weeks of life (even when they keep me awake for hours at night.) I love how they are all curled up, and smell so good, and their skin is so perfectly soft. I just wish I could keep her like this forever.

Comparison Pics

My sister Tara asked for some comparison pics of my three girls. So here ya go! Do you think she looks more like Annie, Kalia, or a mix between? (Most people around here are saying Annie...)

ELLA








KALIA



ANNIE

Ella Audrey Bigler

Ella Audrey Bigler

born Apr 1, 2011
1:16 a.m.

8 lbs
20 inches

Well, I am going to start typing up the birth story, but until then, here's the story of how we came up with her name. I typed this about two weeks ago, so it's basically ready to go.

We started making lists of names early on, because we've always had a hard time finding a name that we both like (for a girl. Boy name...easier for us.)

Samuel had three requirements for a name- he wanted a name that was meaningful and invoked a sense of honor (or something like that.) And he didn't want the name to be so trendy/popular that she was like, the fourth one in her class every year. He also doesn't like "out there" names (you know, creative type of names.)

As for me, I just wanted it to sound cute with Bigler, and also with "Kalia and Annie and ...."
But it was hard because he tends to like older names, like people from my generation. Those names are just out of style now, ya know? I tried to tell him that.

We tried biblical names, since those are cool and "honorable", and we considered Hannah, since she was the mother of the prophet Samuel, and she's awesome. Then I realized it would be too hard to have a Hannah AND an Annie in the same family. They'd probably both end up being known as Hannie. So I pushed a little for the name Emma, since I think very highly of Emma Smith...but Samuel just wasn't sure.

I had my friend and her sister make me a list. It was a way cute list. Samuel picked "Lily" as his favorite name from that list, and I liked it okay too, but didn't know if it felt right.

I put out a request on facebook, promising anyone who could provide us with the name we would use-- a free pie from the famous Karen Esplin. She makes the best pies EVER, and she has like, 25 amazing ones to choose from.

There were 53 comments on that post, and most of them offered at least 4-5 names. So we had another big list of potentials to consider. Lily was on the list several times, and so was this other name- two people Brooke W. and Lindsey F. mentioned the name Ella, but at the time, even though we liked it, it didn't ring any bells for us.

So we made another list, and tried family names as middle names (Grace and Pearl are two family names on my side that would work...) I tried to convince Samuel that she should be named Mariah. For no other reason than the fact that I thought Mariah Bigler sounded cute. I even ordered a box of diapers from Amazon in that name, to see how I liked it.

But I just kept feeling like we were MISSING something. Like I needed to keep searching, cause I had either overlooked it, or just hadn't found it yet. And Samuel feels strongly enough about naming a child that we started praying for inspiration to know what to call this little one.

And then one day, Kalia and Annie started talking about their little sister ELLA.

And I mean, talking about her as if they already knew that was her name, as if they already knew her. It was so random. They haven't seen any TV shows, books, or movies with that name...they only know of Cinderella. Then one night Annie prayed for her friend Ella "when she comes out" (of my belly). It was so sweet. And I just wondered where on earth that had come from. So I mentioned it to Samuel. And he thought it was interesting. Like, maybe they were given a little glimpse of something on the other side of the veil? We weren't sure. Thought it might just be a phase.

Then we were at dinner at his parents house, and I told them that Kalia and Annie were referring to their sister by the name Ella. And then Samuel's dad, who is the 8th of 11 children, smiled and said, "Hey, that's my mother's name!" I was kind of shocked because Samuel thought his Grandma's name was RUTH- he was so little when this grandma passed that he didn't remember much about her. It turns out that Ruth was his Great-Grandma. So his dad clarifies that his mother's name was Elivra, but everybody called her Ella- and she was known to everyone as Ella Audrey Bigler.

And it all kind of started to come together in my mind. I have never met this Grandma Ella Bigler, but her son and his siblings are some of the sweetest, most Christlike people I have ever met in my life, and I just knew that it must have been an incredible woman that raised those children. Samuel and I started thinking more and more about the name, and considering it as a name for the baby. It just sorta felt right. About a week ago I was able to talk to his dad and uncle about Grandma Ella, and it confirmed what I was guessing. The woman was amazing. She raised 10 of her own children, plus adopted an 11th. She was a nurse and took care of many many people throughout her life, often for free. (And Samuel is becoming a nurse! So that's cool too!) and she was a "Rock" in the church- the first to offer service to anyone in need. (Sounds just like Samuel and his dad.) His uncle, as he told me this, had tears streaming down his face as he said that medically, she died from a "tired and overworked" heart- but that he knew that it was even more so a description of her spiritually.

I can't wait to meet this lady someday. It's so cool to think that my kids probably knew her well before they came to earth. And maybe she's even been helping this little baby get prepared for earth life. One night when I was sitting on the couch, thinking about things, I asked my large belly/baby if she knew her Grandma Ella. And I got a good hard kick. So I asked if she wanted to have the same name, and I got another good kick.

Pretty convincing, if you ask me. Kalia...Annie...and Ella. I think I like it.

We have never named a baby BEFORE we've seen her face, so I was hesitant to totally commit to the name, but now I am sure it's right. And that's my cool story of how we found the name for little baby Ella Bigler.

Birth story and more pictures to come soon.
:)

I'm on a RAGING RAMPAGE!!!!

Oh my goodness. Some crazy person has taken over my body and I don't know who she is.

So today I am just emotional. Raging. I really don't know what's going on. After that nice, feel-good post last week about my gratitude, well, now I'm just going nuts.

Today was rough. I am still tired and barely have a voice. I still can't taste or smell anything. But the cough and sinus problems are slowly going away. Very slowly.

The real problem is that my girls are making monster messes. I am trying SO hard to keep this little basement all clean, (and maybe this is adding to the aggravation) but they keep making these huge disasters, the kind that are so big that I have to clean it myself, rather than supervise them as they do it, to take responsibility for their actions of course!

I had a baby shower to go to today- for my sister-in-law. So I turned on Nick Jr. for my girls and hopped in the shower and started my full one hour "get ready" routine. But I was only about 15 minutes into said routine (getting out of the shower) when I exit the bathroom only to find ALL the couch cushions piled on the floor, surrounded by a package of shredded and crumbling hamburger buns...oh the crumbs...they were EVERYWHERE, including in between the couch sectional cracks, etc, and all over the entire living room. There were even a few chewed up pieces of bread on the carpet.

I flew off the handle and just started SCREAMING at them in my hoarse voice. And rather than cry and wilt away, they seemed to think it was FUNNY (was I naked? or halfway covered in a towel? Yes, probably.) and this just made me even more mad. I made them go to time out, which they ran to giggling, and just sat there together having fun. Which just makes me even more angry. Why is my screaming charade not working? I scream louder, scream more, threaten to leave them at home (although they can clearly see that I am not ready to go ANYWHERE), and plus I obviously can't follow up on that threat, but still, they are not responding at all like I was hoping. I finally get them to pick up some of the bigger chunks of bread, but only by continuing my screaming.

The whole time I'm doing it though, I was like, why am I screaming like this? And why can't I stop? It was kind of bizarre. I was running late at this point and had to go finish getting ready. I almost broke down and cried in the bathroom, why, I can't say exactly, but I was just overwhelmed with frustration and...hormones.

We left the house in a rush, and the mess for later. We got home late and I put the girls in the bath, while I proceeded to vacuum the cushions, the cracks, the rug, etc. I hear the girls laughing in the tub, and not splashing TOO much, so I don't check on them for a good 10 minutes.

And, incident #2: This is the third time in TWO days I have had Annie get into my makeup. The first time it was cute/funny, and I took a pic of her before I wiped it off and gently reminded her not to use mommy's makeup. But the second time, not so funny, and the third, well...I couldn't take it anymore. And this time Kalia joined in on the fun, and she knows better.

The screaming begins again. I JUST finish cleaning up one huge mess, I'm tired and irritable, and NOW...this:
Mascara and Lipstain....everywhere. Almost looks like a horror movie at first. Oh, and Annie had mascara all over her face AGAIN. Yeah. Just what I want to do is get down and dirty and scrub the entire tub and shower. See that black ring around the tub? Nice. I'm considering leaving it til Thursday when my mom gets here.

So, there I went screaming again about messes, and WHY are they making more messes for me to clean up? Blah blah blah. Crazy psycho mom. The whole time it was almost like I couldn't close my mouth. It was so weird.

I marched them to their bedroom, put their pajamas on, and had the lights out in 2 minutes. Straight to sleep. No stories, scriptures, or even prayers. They went to sleep with me being angry.

I feel awful.
What is wrong with me?
I vowed not to yell again after the crumbs/couch incident, but I couldn't even make it the rest of the day.

But what is UP with them becoming such little disaster queens, right before the baby comes? I know I've been lucky for the last year to be able to leave them alone for a few minutes and not have this problem. Are they subconsciously doing this because they know some changes are coming? Or it's just a coincidence? Or they secretly like to watch me flying off the handle?

I wish I could say I'm about to go into labor and thus, the hormonal shift...but I don't really think that's the case.

I just needed to vent. Hopefully I will look back and laugh. Tonight I just want to cry.
So that's my story for tonight.
The End.

Change of Heart

It seems like I have a change of heart right before my babies are born. Change as in...
I start to realize how UNGRATEFUL I sound. I realize how lucky and blessed I am.
And lately, I have had a change of heart about wanting Baby Girl to come early.

First of all, that "dry chest cough" that I had (that was making me pee my pants all day) did not get better-- it got worse. Quite a bit worse. It has turned into a total of 4 weeks being sick. I have spent many days in bed, trying to rest and get better. And the sickness just keeps moving around. When I start to feel better, it migrates up to my head, or throat, and it all starts again.

I don't know what is up with this "Super Bug" because it is so resistant to everything that I've done to fight it- including a priesthood blessing. And my house is getting dirtier (not cleaner) and my laundry is piling up-- the exact opposite of what I hoped to bring a new baby home too. Plus, after all these weeks, Kalia and Annie just caught whatever I have, and they have had fevers and coughs and sore throats. DEFINITELY don't want the baby to come yet!!

I finally realized that there was maybe a lesson to learn here and had the thought to put our names on the prayer rolls of several temples (also the names of my sister's kids- she had her baby last Wednesday, and her kids are sick too.) And my dad also offered to have a family fast. And I definitely think he was inspired as I remembered Matthew 17:21- you know, the story where the disciples couldn't understand why they couldn't cast the evil spirit out of someone- and Jesus taught them that some things only "goeth out with prayer AND fasting." Kind of like this sickness that WILL NOT LEAVE.

So now there are lots of prayers (and people fasting, yesterday) offered in our behalf, and I am sure that we will get better quickly. I am so relieved to have that extra power added to what we've been trying to do on our own for weeks. I am starting to feel a lot better and even get a few things done in preparation for the baby.

I was dilated 1 cm as of last Thursday, and 50% effaced. I am having hard Braxton Hicks contractions, but who knows what it all means. Just that the time is getting close. My mom is flying in on March 31st. I would love to have the baby that night. I loved having an induction date last time, but the anticipation and excitement of not knowing exactly when she'll come is kind of fun too. And it's helping that I'm not in a hurry for that day. It's helping a LOT.

In other good news, I stopped gaining weight. In fact, I was 4 lbs less than that last Red Lobster/10 lb weight gain appointment. So that was nice. And I haven't been really hungry (I can't smell or taste right now) so my eating is tapering off-- and I'm trying to eat a TON of fruit and drink gallons of water. But I'm not so worried about my weight anymore.

That's what my change of heart is about. I was reading a pregnancy book and I read a cheesy line about "loving your uterus and being grateful to your body" I kind of snickered...and then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Here I have been so critical of my body and my belly size and my weight gain, and yet when I stop to think about it, my body has been so good to me these last 9 months. Aside from all the throwing up (which stopped at 14 weeks, so can I really complain?) I have had 3 extremely healthy pregnancies. I have never even spotted once, in 3 pregnancies. I don't have to go on bed rest. My blood pressure stays low throughout. No toxemia, pre-eclampsia, or placenta previa. I don't even have heartburn. And then my babies come big and healthy and able to nurse well and...SERIOUSLY, HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN IRRITATED WITH MY BAD ATTITUDE? I have decided that I do "love my uterus" and I really, really appreciate that my body is able to carry and deliver strong healthy babies. So if I have to gain a lot of weight to do all that, SO BE IT. So I've even started...well...talking to my body...and my uterus...and thanking it. Weird maybe. But it's pretty amazing what is going on in there. All those organs and hormones working together and creating a little person, all the while keeping me alive. Awesome.

I just don't know why I have been so ungrateful. I apologize to everyone who's had to listen to me complain. I know that the older I get, the pregnancies will probably bet harder, I will eventually experience complications and probably a miscarriage, and maybe more, but here I am at 38 weeks....14 days to go, and feeling quite comfortable- not too miserable, and not in any real hurry to have the pregnancy end.

So yeah. Change of heart. I feel kind of humbled and wanted to make sure I wrote this down.

I don't know if it's the change of heart or if I'm really not as big, but I don't feel as huge as I normally do at this stage. One more week and we'll do the traditional bare bellied sports bra pic but here's just a belly shot. (I measured 37 cm at almost 38 weeks.)

25 Days Left

I am counting down in days now. No more of this "weeks" stuff. That sounds too far away. Days. Away. Here's a few things I'm feeling at 25 days til the due date.

Oh my Aching (lower) back. My belly is getting heavy.

The feet, hands, and face are really swelling. To quote Samuel, "This is when the real metamorphasis happens." Thanks babe. (And so I will post another belly picture, but at this point there's not much you can say except agree that I'm getting very large. It's okay. Just don't say anything. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't pull my bangs back like that.) I will show you the belly from both sides, because one side always looks bigger and so I always omit that side when I post pictures. :)

I am getting rid of a chest cough. It's at the stage where it's a dry cough, but I am hacking really really hard. You know what this means. I keep wetting my pants basically. Joy of joys.

We didn't really have a name that felt right...until Kalia and Annie got involved. It's kind of a cool story, and I will save it for later, but we MIGHT have found the right name. That would be such a relief! (And hint, it is a cute name, but not once had we ever added it to our "list of possibilities.")

My sister-in-law had her baby on Friday night. We went to the hospital on Sunday to visit. He was beautiful and so tiny and my girls wanted to hold him the entire time. I had to fight them for a turn. And that's when I realized what I should expect when we bring our baby girl home. I didn't expect them to be quite so INTERESTED in this little person in my belly. Guess it's good to know in advance so I'm not blindsided by it.

Even though I have been telling them about their sister, and they have felt her kick many times.

Her car seat is already in the car. We've been trying out 4 different places of where she will fit best, and where she can sit that will allow Kalia to buckle herself in and out- one less thing for me to do.

It's the same car seat that Kalia and Annie came home from the hospital in, but my awesome friend KRISTI sewed me a gorgeous and brand new car seat cover. Isn't it adorable?

I am waddling.

Never, EVER go to your OB doctors appointment right after you went to lunch at Red Lobster. Not only did I eat soup, salad, 4 cheese biscuits, and then 1/4 of my pasta, I drank 5 full glasses of water. Then I had to get weighed, and I weighed SIX pounds more than I had when I checked earlier that morning. My doctor asked me if I REALLY gained 10 lbs in one month and I said no but my chart said otherwise. I even made the nurse weigh me twice. And both times it showed that ugly 10 lb weight gain. I was aghast. I blame it entirely on Red Lobster.

My next appointment is on St. Patty's day and I can finally get "checked". I hope the last 5 months of Braxton Hicks contractions will at least have me dilated to a 1. Is that too much to ask?

Wouldn't it be great if I could weigh LESS at that appointment than I did at the one two weeks prior?

Do I talk too much about my weight? Sorry. It bugs me, yes, but not enough to actually DIET while PREGNANT! Heaven forbid! Bring on the donuts. I will be dieting enough after the baby is born.

Speaking of donuts, we have a LOT of them around here, because they are Annie's treat of choice when she poops on the potty. And since that happens almost once a day, maybe every other day, there are a lot of donuts around here.

I love the maple bars.

I am doing okay sleeping at night, besides getting up to pee. We sleep with our window open and a big fan blowing the cold air into the room. I love it. But it takes me FOREVER to fall asleep at night, and FOREVER to wake myself up fully in the morning. I wish my fatigue would get itself in order and let me fall asleep earlier at night.

My huge protruding belly finally paid off at Stake Conference when an usher came (2 minutes after the meeting started) and recruited me off the HARD METAL CHAIRS (all the way in the back, up on the stage) and paraded us up to the front to the "Reserved Seating". It was such a good meeting, and so much better up in the front. Kalia and Annie were much better behaved than they would have been otherwise. And my tailbone was extremely grateful. (I took those pics up above right after Stake Conference. So the swelling +waddling + belly must have done the trick.)

I am getting scared. I am not going to be induced. If I go all the way to my due date, I will probably have another 9 lb baby. My last 9 lb baby was so stuck in my pelvis, they couldn't even attempt to get her out with a vacuum or forceps. What if I can't get her out? Trying not to worry...trying not to worry.

That's all for now.

Blurb Delivers

My blog books arrived today! Six years of my life, now fully documented. It took up so much time, I am so glad to have this done and out of the way. It was a new years resolution (check!) and probably the only one I ended up keeping. I didn't do anything fancy, in fact I kept it as simple as possible, and put as many pictures in as possible (not just ones from my blog- I went through all our pictures to make sure everything I wanted was in there.) And thanks to a tip from my sister, I made the pictures as big as possible too. I love how the books turned out. The colors are great, and even though I didn't upgrade to premium paper, I was really happy with the thickness of the pages. Here's a peek inside my two (280 page) books.
.

Front covers. I wanted pure pictures on both the front and back.

Here are the backs:
And a few more pages inside:


What a treasure! Now when I'm asked "what would you rescue if your house was on fire?" or something like that, I have a better answer.

On a random side note, I love this picture. Annie is about 80% of the way potty trained. Just taking it slow and at her pace. If she didn't want to be potty trained, I didn't want to force her right before a new sibling arrives. She will probably still regress, but oh well. Lately she's been really gung-ho about wearing panties. And putting them on herself, of course. A private blog is about the only place to share this little gem.

GIVEAWAY WINNERS!

Here are the winners of the giveaway! Did you win?

Shantal
Meili
Jaesi
Tara
Krystal
Jamey
Jamie
Pam
Emily
Michelle (both Michelles)
Tammy
Misti
Emma
Kat

YES, you read that right. EVERY person is getting an Amazon coupon.
I've never done a giveaway before. I had totally planned to give away the two coupons, done by random drawing, etc. But then all of you started leaving comments about how helpful it would be if you won-- and it was tugging on my heart strings! I knew I couldn't really RIG the results, actually, I knew that I COULD, but that wouldn't exactly be ethical, plus, how could I narrow it down? At least half of you have (or will have) two kids in diapers!

So, I found myself wishing that everyone could have a coupon. And I figured out how to make it happen. Basically I went to Babies R Us and got 13 more free magazines (the free subscriptions I mentioned above) and now- everyone is a winner. I did find that the latest edition of Baby Talk magazine has $10 off coupons to the Amazon Baby Store- so it's good on everything in the store. With Amazon Mom, you have free shipping with Amazon Prime, so you can get COMPLETELY free items like blankets, bottles, pacifiers, etc. Also, you can stack the $10 off coupon with the 20% off coupons, in fact, you can stack a code that starts with YT (20% off) with a code that starts with YJ (20% off) PLUS the $10 off coupon. If you do that on a huge economy size box of diapers, your total will be $3.00 or LESS. BUT, like I said, they won't let you use more than one $10 off coupon PER amazon.com account (but you could technically create others with different email addresses.)

Having said that, WINNERS (that would be all of you who left a comment above) please email me ASAP at heatheresplin@yahoo.com and I then I can EMAIL you the code to use right away. It expires 2/28/11 so make sure you use it quick!

I love you all blog readers and friends.
Thanks for stopping by.
Happy Valentines Day!

BEST DIAPER DEALS EVER! + a GIVEAWAY!!!

1. Diapers on Amazon.com
First, you either need to get your hands on a coupon like this. You could buy it on ebay, or subscribe to Parents Magazine, or Parenting Magazine, or get a FREE subscription of American Baby or Baby Talk Magazine. (HERE and HERE)
In the past it has been 20% off Diapers at Amazon.com but I'm also starting to see $10 off any purchase in the Baby Store at Amazon.com, but you can only use that coupon once per account.

2. Go to Amazon.com and sign up for Amazon Mom- it gives you an extra 15% off of diapers and also, 3 free months (more months free if you make an order) of Amazon Prime, which gives you free shipping on lots of stuff with no minimum order (perfect for the $10 baby coupon- you can basically get $10 stuff FREE with no shipping if you have those coupons + Amazon Prime). More info on Amazon Mom or sign-up HERE.

3. Search for big (economy packs) of diapers like Pampers, Huggies, Luvs, and a few others like Seventh Generation or Fisher Price. The important part is that they will be eligible for SUBSCRIBE AND SAVE, which qualifies your order for 15% MORE off of your diaper order.
Subscribe and save means you sign up for them to deliver your order once every 1,2,3, or 6 months. I always click on "once every 6 months" because you will cancel this subscription after your order comes (so that you can use another coupon in the future.) You will also get an EMAIL before they send you another subscribe and save order, so that can remind you to cancel if you forget. You will know if the diapers are eligible for Subscribe and Save if you see that option on the right hand side (or you can filter your search on the left hand side.) The box looks like this:
4. Okay, are you doing this math with me? 20% + 15% + 15% off = 50% off!!! That means you can get a huge box of Pampers (size 4 is 176 diapers) for $20 BUCKS!!! THAT'S ELEVEN CENTS PER DIAPER LADIES!!! plus you get free shipping- your diapers will be there like, 2 days later at your doorstep. If you get Luvs diapers, it's like, $17!!!, or even something like this:


All right, many of you already knew all about THAT stuff, so here's the other great part. I'm doing my first ever GIVEAWAY!!! WOOHOO!!!

I have TWO extra 20% coupons to give to two lucky winners. All you have to do is leave a comment. Deadline to enter is Saturday, February 12th!!