Smotherhood Part II

For starters, a few pics...
Our home teachers came over for the first time, and Kalia, not usually this forward, snuggled right up to Nathaniel and held hands (he was reading her stories while we all chatted.) We got a kick out of it.

My girls LOVE to play with a twin mattress on the stairs. We either make a "slide" or a "cave." It's an ugly old thing, probably too uncomfortable for anyone to sleep on, but I'm glad they are getting some entertainment out of it. This is Annie perched on top of their cave before bed time.


All right, so here's an update on my emotional state. No news on what's going on with our house. It is KILLING me to not know how soon I need to start packing, or to know where we're going to go, but I am trying really hard not to worry about the unknowns. We'll figure it out soon enough. We're considering some major changes.

As for smotherhood...it's kinda funny....after all that venting and complaining, things really did change around here, for the better. It actually did some good! It was the suggestions and comments by many of you, that helped me implement some new things. Really, nobody likes a complainer, so I will try to do less of it, but somehow it produced some good things. And also, it seems like just when I couldn't handle any more smothering...the burden eased up. I think that is just a tender mercy from the Lord. Here's some things that are different around here.

1. Kalia and Annaliese are still playing together really well. (SCREAM OF JOY! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!) Annaliese screams in frustration a LOT (loud, shrieking kinds of screams), but they will now play together for up to an hour. They still make big, huge messes, but usually, it's worth it to me. One day they locked themselves in Kalia's room and played happily for at least a half hour. I was not about to disturb their party, they weren't even fighting! Little did I know that they had a box of Fruity Pebbles somehow, and Annie took off her poopy diaper and left in on the floor. 2 points for you if you can spot it. When I finally went in, the ENTIRE floor was covered in these rainbow pebbles, and every step you took, you heard CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH. This was the cleanest corner of the room, but here's a guilty-faced Annie and a gross diaper on the floor.

2. Kalia also has a new friend, 3 houses down. She's 5 years old, and is not yet in kindergarten.Despite the age difference, they get along great. Kalia is pretty mature for her age, and always gets along best with kids that are older than her. I almost feel like I have a free baby-sitter, since the 5 year old (she's 6 in September)is a bit motherly/bossy. And she has an older sister (she's 7) who likes to watch/mother Annaliese after she gets home from school. I'm sad this new friendship can't last as we are both moving; It's just a win-win for me, to send her out the door, so excited to play with her friend.

3. I have started working out. After about 4 years of not exercising, it's been hard to get back into it, but thank heavens I discovered Jillian Michaels DVD workouts. 30-Day Shred is a tough, intense, 20-minute workout (technically there's 3 progressively harder workouts to choose from.) She also has a 50-minute one called No More Trouble Zones that I used as my very first "getting back into exercise" workout, and it KICKED MY TRASH (as in, so sore I could barely walk for a week), but I LOVED the way she pushes you through the workout. She really challenges you to remember your REASONS for working out in the first place, so you can make it through the workouts. A friend of mine is doing a 21-day challenge (to make some new good habits) so after taking a week off to recover from that video, I have been working out every day for a week, except Sundays. Today I did No More Trouble Zones again, and I couldn't believe the difference in my endurance. I feel really good, and I can already see some definition starting to show up on my arms and stomach. Amazing. The only thing is, I have to workout while the girls are asleep. One day I tried to do my 20-minute workout while K & A were both awake, and I kid you not, every 60-90 seconds they were asking me to get them juice/a snack/a toy/etc etc. It was frustrating to have to keep stopping. I remembered why I haven't done this for 4 years. So now...only when they are asleep.

4. Speaking of sleep, I previously stated that I could not get Kalia to nap. I concocted a new plan and it has been working beautifully. I made Annie switch down to 1 nap, instead of 2, and then I've taken advantage of our warm/almost-hot weather here, and I take the girls swimming every day. I taught Annie how to use Kalia's old Duck Float (Called a Puddlejumper- I LOVE these things!) and now I don't have to hold her in the water. They both just swim all over the pool while I sit on a lounge chair, and they TOTALLY wear themselves out. I bring them home, put them down for a nap, and they zonk right out and I have 2-3 hours all to myself. It's been AMAZING, and just what I needed. (Will upload a video later today of the swimmers.)


5. I didn't end up reading the book called Smotherhood. Once I got into it, I saw that it was more about moms who have full-time jobs on TOP of being a mother at home. That sounds so incredibly tough. It was still a good book, but I was looking for something a little more specific to the challenges of staying home all day. Another friend let me borrow a FABULOUS book called "The Ultimate Career" by Daryl Hoole- it's an LDS book full of scriptures and quotes from General authorities, and is one of the best books I've ever read about motherhood. And, it has an incredible chapter on depression which I thought was really interesting, and even applicable to some things I've been going through as I've started to feel other emotions, like worry, fear...etc.

5. I've been trying to expand Annie's diet. She's still on her special formula. We tried Goat's Milk again, and it was a major failure. Soy gave her eczema. So that means no dairy at all, no eggs, no corn, no wheat, no soy. She loves all-fruit smoothies. I've also been doing some gluten-free baking (with milk and egg substitutes) and she got to enjoy a homemade chocolate chip cookie for the first time EVER! As you can see, she thoroughly enjoyed it. Her poor left eye still had some swelling- she had two different black-eyes in 3 weeks. Same eye though.
6. I read an incredible book, it's called The Help by Kathryn Stockett and I absolutely LOVED it. I had to wait months on a wait list at the library, but it was touching, thought-provoking, and sometimes had me laughing outloud. Thanks to Holly for suggesting it to me.

Here's the swimming video. I love how Kalia's friend lets a huge burp rip. Funny.
Sorry friends...it isn't loading right- I put it up on facebook, you can see it there if you want.

Don't Panic...that's what I'm telling myself

But really...I'm freaking out.
The house we're renting finally went to the foreclosure auction last Wednesday.
The bank took it back. Today, a representative stopped by to get our contact info.
They are going to make us a "Cash for Keys" offer.
We are going to negotiate for as much $ as we can get. Possibly in the thousands.
(For real! We are so grateful the bank took it back, instead of an investor buying it.)
But now this means we might have to move in 30 days.
Samuel has been working 6 days a week, showing houses all over the valley. He has people putting in offers on houses, but they are FLYING off the market so fast, and so far, no sells.
We have...ahem. no. money.
So I don't know if we should sign a new lease somewhere,
or impose on others and move in with them. (dread this thought...)
We're praying hard to know what to do.
If the cash for keys offer isn't good enough, we'll just stay in the house for 90 days
(rent-free, I believe). But the bank is going to try to get us out quick, and they'll try to make it worth out while.

I'm so sad to leave this beautiful house, and the pool that we've been visiting every day (and had plans to visit all summer.) I just don't know what we'll do, and BOO...now we have to pack up and go somewhere else.

Just trying not to freak out. But it's not working.

A little extra money never hurt...

Today I thought I'd share with you a few online gems that I use to bring in a little extra money. Sometimes a girl just needs to buy herself something, (or order it online and anxiously await the doorbell ringing) and not feel guilty about taking away money from the budget. This is what I've been doing to make that happen around here. I'm just going to throw all at you at once.

1. Opinion Outpost:
This is a survey site. They e-mail me about 4 per day, and they tell you how many points they are worth, and how long they take. If I don't think it sounds like a "good deal", I don't even bother. You have to do a short pre-screening survey first to see if you qualify into the demographic that they are looking for. Then you cash in your points- a 70-point survey is worth $7.00. There are short surveys, and long ones, 10 point surveys, up to 100. You can cash your points in for amazon.com giftcards and other things like that.
Opinion Outpost HERE (their website is down today, Wednesday, so check them out tomorrow.)


2. Swagbucks
If you haven't heard of Swagbucks, it's kind of a fun concept. They are a search engine, like google, (powered by google and ask.com in fact) that gives you "Swagbucks" (kind of like virtual dollars) when you do your searches with them. It's usually a surprise gift- you never know how many you'll get, or how often, but I was earning about 20 swagbucks per day, just by searching once or twice. I am HUGE into "googling" things, and so I try to search in Swagbucks first. Sometimes I win a few bucks without finding my answer, which is fine with me. The results aren't quite as refined as google, so then I search somewhere else if I need a specific answer. The BEST part about Swagbucks is that the rewards are FAST! You only need 450 swagbucks to earn a $5 giftcard to Amazon.com (they e-mail you a code.) If you only do one search a day, you can usually earn one giftcard to Amazon every month. If you search more, you could earn 2 or 3! Who doesn't love Amazon? This is one of the best ways to get free stuff. Go sign up here and start searching! You get 30 Swagbucks FREE, just for signing up! And there are about 5 other ways to earn swagbucks besides doing searches; they give out codes on their blog, on facebook, on these little treasure hunts... check it out!
Swagbucks HERE

3. ERG Survey
This is another survey site, but they are more on the "educational" end of things- in other words, it's often universities and groups doing studies and research, and they pay this company to get their surveys out to people. I like this one because it tells you how likely you are too qualify for a survey, before you even do the pre-screening. You have to earn $25.00 before you can cash out with a gift card, but there are lots to choose from, or you can donate your earnings to the Red Cross or other organizations. You get $5.00 in your account just for signing up.
ERG Survey HERE

4. Pinecone Research
This one is also one of my favorites. It's kind of hard to get accepted to do this, you have to wait until they have openings, which are limited. Right now I have an e-mail saying I can refer 3-5 people, so if you want to do this one, let me know ASAP! This is another survey site, but you ALWAYS qualify for the survey that they send you. They usually take around 15 minutes, and they pay you immediately by a check in the mail, or into a paypal account. You get $3.00 for every survey you take. My other favorite part is that you are usually answering questions about a product that is being developed. They will often send it to you in the mail and have you try it, and then they'll ask you to do another survey (and pay you another $3.00). You're sworn to secrecy about the things they are working on, but I have tried out some pretty awesome things! You can visit their website HERE and please leave a comment if you want a referral, I will e-mail it to you.

5. Ebates
This website is a shopping website of most of the major online stores, such as Old Navy, Macy's, Dell, etc. Their list of websites is HUGE. If you are ever going to order something off the internet, do it through Ebates. You just sign up, and then click on the website through the link on Ebates- it will tell you how much you will earn. I did most of my Christmas shopping online, and during the Christmas season they double their rewards. So I got 5% back from one store, 8% back at another, 2% back, etc. Every few months they will mail you a check with your money back. And just so you know how it can add up, my Christmas-shopping check came in February for $68! You can sign up HERE

6. Leapforce
All of the other options do not require any commitment- you can sign up and do them if or when you have a minute. Leapforce, on the other hand, is an actual work-from-home job. It is awesome. You can work at any time of the day or night, and you bill by the minute, so if you can only work 5 minutes out of every hour, that's fine. They want you to work at least 10 hours a week, but so far I have only managed about 5 per week. We'll see if I get re-hired next month. Contracts are renewed every 6 months, if they think you're doing a good job. I am called a Search Engine Evaluator. Once I sign in, there are all these little projects, from looking at things like results of video searches, book searches, map searches, or just regular keyword searches. Then you tell them how helpful their results are to certain searches. They are actual searches that people are putting into Google and Yahoo, so sometimes they are misspelled or make NO sense. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's tricky. You have to pass an open-book 8-hour test to show them that you basically know what you're doing. (You have a week to do it.) They pay me monthly, with a check in the mail. So technically I work for Google. WARNING: THERE ARE MAJOR SCAMS OUT THERE ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR GOOGLE, AND MAKE $5000 A WEEK. DO NOT SIGN UP FOR ANY "WORK AT HOME" JOB THAT MAKES YOU PAY A FEW DOLLARS FOR SHIPPING AND HANDLING FOR THEIR KIT. THOSE ARE NOT LEGITIMATE, AND THEY JUST WANT YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER! Okay, having said that, if this sounds like something you'd like to do, you can apply and take their 2-part test. It's not the easiest job to get, but it's really nice to have. And technically I'm not supposed to disclose this, but they pay over $13 an hour.
Leapforce HERE

St. Patty's Day, April Fools, Easter

Well, thank you guys for the amazing comments about what to do to bring some order to my crazy life. We're making some changes around here, and things are getting a whole lot better! I am feeling really happy and grateful for your wonderful suggestions. Both girls are sleeping right now. Hallelujah! More on those changes later- first a few things that I don't want to forget:

Kalia's hair is really getting long. It's kind of a nightmare to comb through, but when it's wet and straight, it's all the way down her back.
She has a beautiful Easter dress this year, thanks to her friends in Utah. You know who you are! Thanks for the perfectly beautiful dress!
On St. Patrick's Day, I put Annaliese in her Lucky Charms shirt, with green bows to match. That was the extent of our celebration, but we'll do more when they're older. I took Annie outside to take a picture, and 2 minutes later, they discovered a huge puddle. That was the end of the cuteness, but the pictures and videos I caught were precious.












And if you want to see another video I caught that is quite funny, click here
And Happy April Fools Day everyone. I'm not doing any pranks like I did last year , but I'm just reminding you so that sure nobody makes a fool of you!

Smotherhood

So when I say Up and Down, I'm talking about me. I've kind of struggled the last 2 weeks. Feeling a little discouraged at times. I can feel the adversary working on me, and trying to remind me of all the areas I'm lacking. It's like he's kinda ticked off that we just went through this big trial that brought us so much closer to the Lord.

My girls have been wearing me out. I have this other blog post that I wrote at the PEAK of my emotions. Oh, I ranted. I raved. I complained. I was so burnt out at the moment, and felt completely smothered. In fact, when Samuel came home and found me in such a tizzy, he sent me out by myself to run errands (I love that.) I stopped at the library, and found the perfect book. It's called SMOTHERHOOD. Isn't that the best word? That's how I've been feeling. So that post is still just hanging out. I am going to try a shortened version. (Aren't you glad? Can you imagine how long it would be? This one is long enough. Sheesh!!)

I don't know if it's just this time in my life, with my girls still so young, still unable to be more than 2 feet away from me, and still not quite old enough to entertain each other, but often I feel so discouraged. I definitely don't think I have to "DO IT ALL" - no way, those are silly expectations, but shouldn't I be able to do SOMETHING? Accomplish SOMETHING in the day?

I was feeling even worse because of a certain acquaintance on Facebook, who always posts status updates like this: "Dishes done, dinner in the oven, laundry folded and put away, bathrooms scrubbed, whole house vacuumed! Now I can sit and enjoy my kids!" And her status says that at least three times a week. She has FOUR kids, two in school, two at home, one on the way, and one time I finally just asked her how it's even remotely possible to accomplish that much (on a regular basis.) She says she just sits her kids in front of a Disney movie with a snack, and her kids sit there and watch it while she cleans.

I have NO problem with using the TV as a babysitter. But I just felt frustrated that her method would never, in a million years work for me and my kids. (Ok, maybe it will work when they're older, but it ain't happening now.) My house is never clean. I don't exercise. I rarely find time to make a real meal for Samuel and myself. I don't sew or knit or scrapbook or do art projects. I just don't get the chance to do anything but chase after a 17 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. And yes, it's a very good day that I get a shower. At night, when they're finally in bed, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I just want to bask in the silence. And I most definitely do not feel like cleaning or exercising. I just want lots of silence.

It makes me feel better knowing that so many of you are in the same boat. It makes me feel better that my mom must have gone through the exact same thing at one point, with my sister and I, when we were 1 and 2. It gives me hope that SOMEDAY my kids will sit in front of an ENTIRE movie, and I can scrub a tub or a toilet. Or just sit and read a book. I don't know what I'll do. But I just hope that day comes.

Maybe it's because they are so close in age. Maybe it's because I don't have a good, fenced-in yard to send them out to. Maybe it's because of the insecurities they've been through in the last 6 weeks, being away from home and from each other. I don't know. But man, I sometimes feel so smothered, I can barely breathe.

I know they love me. They want me to hold them and play with them all day. I love being adored like that. They are so cute and silly these days, and they make me laugh all the time. Thank goodness for that, I'd probably go crazy without some comic relief. But Kalia is so extremely active, she never stops, and she wears me out the most. It just seems like it was easier when Annie was a baby and went everywhere in a sling, and Kalia didn't ask to go climb a tree every half hour. And Annie wasn't eating dirt every day, and Kalia hadn't figured out how to hold a pen/crayon/marker yet. AND THEY WERE BOTH NAPPING. (Kalia fights napping, and rest time, and room confinement, with everything she's got.) Maybe this is just a hard stage?? But I'm worried that when I have 3 kids, or 4, I'll look back and say, "Girl, you had it easy and you didn't even know it."
And just when the straw broke the camel's back, and I thought I'd have to run away for two days, things got better, and Kalia and Annaliese just started....playing together. I mean, really playing. I almost thought it wasn't real. I've waited 17 long months for this day. I'm afraid to mention it, for fear that it will stop. It's only been going on for about a week. But they are getting into a lot of mischief together.

They escape outside every time I get too comfortable. (Time to get a high door latch.) Every time it's silent, I know they're out in the front, usually stealing stuff off of other people's porches. One time I found them sitting on the sidewalk, inches away from the street. One time, Kalia was in nothing but underwear, and another time, buck naked.

Today was a funny moment though. In the exactly two minutes that I used to get dressed, they had gone downstairs, pulled the frozen chicken nuggets out of the freezer, discovered the Dippin' Dots, took them outside, opened them, dropped them, and when I found them, they were licking them up off the sidewalk. Still in pajamas at least!I laughed so hard at them doing this. But very quickly the ants came, and started biting there feet. Here's Kalia's efficient style of licking up ice cream.Annie's "Bum in the air style"
But it kinda sorta made my day. I even made dinner. But no shower today. And the house looks like a bomb went off. And I most definitely did not do the dishes. So, one accomplishment for the day. But at least I loved my girls as best I could.

I love the little things that help me keep my sanity. A few days ago I picked up Annaliese, only to find that her PJ pants were still on, but her diaper had mysteriously vanished (look close...I found it around her right ankle. It was soaked.)
I don't know how I'll handle any more kids, when two has consumed so much time and energy. HOW DO YOU GUYS DO IT? Seriously. I can't even comprehend it. Someone give me good news and tell me it gets easier.

Marker on Annie's face...Kalia looking like the guilty party, but she may have been framed.
Good thing they're cute. That's all I have to say about that.
Eating dirt by the handfuls? What's UP with that?

Maybe I need therapy?

Well, Samuel is extremely concerned about me. He thinks I'm having a bit of a mental break. He just saw the pictures and my poll. And I tried to explain what's going on with me, and now he's all worried that I need help or something. What the what?

And about that poll...The problem is this: My own husband AND my own mother claim to not recognize me in the below pictures. Samuel just asked me what blog I was reading with the girl that sort of "resembled me a little." He also told me that the pictures I used for my "hair makeovers" were the worst picture he'd ever seen of me in his life. Ugh. Oops. What's the word I want here?

I should have consulted him before I did it. I am strongly considering erasing the post entirely, to avoid any future embarrassment, or to avoid being nominated for the"worst self-portrait of all time" award.

I have to admit, I am very relieved that I really don't look like that. Let's just be honest. They are awful pictures. The reason I used that one photo for my hair makeovers was because I took about 200 (SERIOUSLY) self-portraits at 11 p.m. and THAT one was the only one that I thought looked decent. They were all SOOOOOOO BAD! I don't know why. (And the website says to look straight on at the camera (my worst angle) and have your hair pulled back.) All in all, it just did not work. I can't believe I posted them for all to see.

I really do appreciate your comments. I have been planning (for about a year now) what my next move will be with my hair, but I don't have any money right now to do anything quite yet. But it's true, I'm suddenly quite desperate for a change. Still, I must confess, my heart will always want to be blond again, since that's way I spent the entire 28 years of my life until this last year. (I mean, can ANYONE see why I want this hair back?)
True, my natural color is not bad, and so it's free and there are no roots to keep up with. I LOVE that, for sure. But to be totally frank, I do not feel beautiful as a brunette. I don't know why. It doesn't matter what anyone tells me. Even my own husband tries to convince me that I am at my "HOTTEST" as a brunette, but it's just not sinking in. AT ALL. I am not begging for my compliments. I am just sadly admitting that they aren't having the effect that I wish they would- to make me want to keep my natural color. It's some weird identity thing. I am going to keep it for awhile longer anyway, since it is, of course, free. Maybe the summer sun will give me a sun-kissed look, and satisfy my need for some blond somewhere.

And that's the problem. Deep in my heart, I want nothing more than to be blond again- whether it's a caramel, a honey, or a bleached out blond (probably not, since my days of fake-baking are over, and it really only looked good with a tan, but anyway, off the subject)...but I just feel like I was so much more confident back then. That's not good...your hair should never determine your confidence, right? Right. But...I can't help but feel that a part of me is missing.

Some of you have mentioned that I might be dealing with my latest "stress" by looking for a change (kind of like what happens after a breakup). I think you might be right. (And Samuel says you people are 100% right.) I can't remember the last time I did something for me. Well, we did finally get a date night on Saturday. But it was my birthday... 3 months ago, that I really got to do things all for myself. That was nice. And that's not that long, is it? But maybe I can find a way to treat myself to something other than an afternoon nap (oh but I do love those...) to help me find...myself. I don't really know where to start. This is obvious a deeper issue than just the color of my hair. I'm sure all women struggle with this at some point in their lives.

So, to sum things up, I am utterly humiliated that I posted those pictures of myself, I do have some major issues of insecurity going on, and I need an outlet for my stress, and I'm going to be looking for it. I love you guys and the fact that you humor me with my hair coloring therapy, or whatever is going on here.

And so this is me, in the year that I am going to turn 30. Is this what a mid-life crisis is? I'm too young for that! And fine, I will leave up the awful pictures and poll down below, for all you curious readers who didn't get to see them yet. Enjoy.

PLEASE HELP

Friends, please help. I am SO bored with the color of my hair. It's my natural color, and while many of you have said, "Leave it dark!" (thank you, that does make me feel good) I am just itching for something different. I can't guarantee that I am going to do what the "most votes" dictates, but I am curious what you think. Please take 3 seconds and take this anonymous poll. You can vote twice, once for your #1 favorite, and again for your #2 favorite, and leave me comments if you have any other suggestions. I don't know if it will be a big change, or just a little one, but I just need something different. Please disregard the styles of the hair and the hideous picture that I took at myself late at night. I am looking so PALE FACED these days! I am really just trying to figure out a new color that won't wash me out, but also won't be too high of maintenance.

AB

C

D

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Thanks for your help. If you want to try on some different hairstyles yourself, you can go HERE. Just watch out, it's a bit addictive!

Recovery

And we're home. Again. For the third time. Three hospital stays in three weeks, with only about 5 days at home during that time. And I won't lie. I smell awful. I really need a shower! This last visit turned into 4 days (instead of 24 hours) but we are glad, because Kalia got 10 doses of an IV antibiotic, and now she's home and doesn't have to be on anything. But that's why I smell bad. I haven't showered since Saturday. Gross! (TMI?) Anyway, our new Dr. came to check on her every day, and we'll see him again on Thursday to make sure everything is healed properly. This morning, at the hospital, I thought I saw a tiny bit of pus in one spot of the wound- the spot where the drain was. (It fell out on it's own, about 24 hours after it was put in.) So that was the only spot left "open" and the Dr. has been a little worried about it. The Dr. thought it looked well enough to go home though, so we are just PRAYING for that infection to stay away so we can be DONE with this ordeal!

Last night Kalia was so tired of her hospital bed. She fell asleep on the couch instead, and then we moved her over to the bed, where I slept next to her (I still didn't get any sleep. There's no real rest in a hospital. However, I DID get 10.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep the night before when I went home to an empty house. It was glorious.)

Now that we're home, I'm dealing with the aftermath:
Coupons to collect,
Hospital bags to unpack, AGAIN,A disgusting fridge, with every nook and cranny filled with leftovers, rotting food, and hopefully something still fresh in there,
Dishes to return to all the wonderful people who brought us meals, (these are the clean ones! About twice as many still to wash...)
And this little bum to take care of: It's loo!king pretty good, all things considered~ I think the majority of the redness that you see is scarring from the first set of (infected) sutures, and it will probably go away. The problematic spot is the bottom scabby area, and the Dr. said it should be sealed off and totally closed by now. We'll keep the Neosporin on it though.

I did find out that Dr. Schmelzer recently joined the staff at the hospital, and that he used to work in northern utah at Primary Children's, Utah Valley hospital, and the LDS hospital. Awesome huh? I don't know if he is LDS, but it doesn't matter. He is the bomb.
There's nothing like strawberries and homemade whipping cream. Mmmm...

p.s. I am going to miss Kalia asking every day if she can go ride the "Elf-a-gator" :)

Together for a minute...

My mom wanted to see what the Wound Vac looks like. The right side is a canister that collects the drainage that is constantly sucked out. It looks weird because the gel deoderizer broke and scattered all these little granules. But people with a ton of drainage will fill these up repeatedly. Kalia had very little drainage. And the machine she was on in the hospital was about 3 times as big, this is the portable home version. It fit perfectly in her little backpack.
Annie is happy to BE HOME and have her sister home.
Here's a couple pictures of our 2 days together. It was just fun to have a semi-normal day, even though I had to follow Kalia around and constantly check the machine to make sure it hadn't turned off, or wind up the tubing, so she wouldn't trip on it, or reinforce the seal with tape...still though. Happy days. (The best part was that on Day 2 Kalia was brave enough to go back to using the potty. Whew!)



But now it's Friday night...and you'll never guess where we are! Okay, too easy, you're right. Back in the hospital. It feels like a second home. This is a great sign of progress though.

Here's what happened: Kalia did great with the wound vac. She was in very little pain. We spent most of the beautiful Thursday outside, and we didn't take it for granted (for once.) As you can see from the video clips at the bottom of this post, we had a wonderful day. Kalia's been carrying her wound vac around in the little blue backpack.

Early Friday morning I took her back to the hospital for an outpatient surgery, which was really just the dressing change with anesthesia. I thought we'd be doing this twice a week for 2-3 weeks.

Oh yeah, and the new doctor that we would be seeing, Dr. Schmelzer (fun to say) came to meet us. I liked him right off the bat. He only does pediatric plastic surgery, he was totally on the ball, he explained everything to me, let me ask questions, he drew me pictures, even asked if I was "on board" with his plan-- everything you want a doctor to do. I was SO happy to have this guy.

The Wound Nurse, who did Kalia's dressing change on Tuesday, told us that the wound was healing so fast that she almost didn't think she'd need the wound vac (this was on Tuesday.) She showed me how deep the "deepest" laceration was, and it was down to about A CENTIMETER. Isn't that unbelievable? You guys saw the pics...you know how deep they were. Anyway, Dr. S. was also very concerned about the scary antibiotic Kalia was on (he said, "We try never to give that to kids" and so he created a new plan:

He would take her into the O.R. instead of the Outpatient room, and clean everything up, and if it looked healthy and strong enough, he would just close her up, and leave a little hole with a rubber little straw thing in it, to drain out any possible infection. He would also put her on a different (better) I.V. antibiotic for the 24-48 hours that she'll be there.

He did just that. It was her longest surgery yet- almost 2 hours. Since then, she has been in the most pain she's ever been in, poor thing. We had to bring our friend Morphine back into play. Dr. S. said he had to cut away some dead tissue to promote better healing. He thought it looked really good. He stitched her up really well (I'll take a picture later) but I have to say, it looks a lot better than what Dr. Pham did. He left the drain in case infection sets in again (he says there's about a 10% chance). That's why they are keeping her 24-48 hours.

So here's to an AWESOME NEW DOCTOR and hopefully our LAST HOSPITAL STAY FOR A LONNNNNGGGG TIME!!!!
P.S. I threw in a video of Annie saying a few words. She's become a little parrot and it cracks us up. This is for you Grandma Karen!

There's No Place Like Home- PART 5

If you're just barely joining us, you might want to get caught up on the crazy happenings of the past 2 weeks, and the story starts HERE

And now...we'll start with a few pics:
Monday: Kalia was getting increasingly restless. A surprise delivery from her cousins Emmy and Annie made her day. She loved her pink frog and the balloon.

I was so totally and completely wiped out on Monday night...and completely at the end of my rope (and my patience.) I watched the Bachelor Finale from Kalia's bed. Kalia obviously wasn't that into it, and finally fell asleep for the night. What a relief to have her STILL.
Tuesday: Tired of watching TV in her bed...she spent most of the day in the wagon. I took her on many trips around the halls and even up and down the elevators. She had her wound vac dressing changed out (the seal was very weak and poopy diapers were causing problems). They found an antibiotic for her to go home on, one that has several bad side effects, and is not usually given to children, but it was basically the only option to make sure her infection disappears for good.
Tuesday afternoon: Half-way buckled into her seat, sitting on a soft pillow to make it home. (Still hurts her a lot to sit on anything.)

1. We are home! Just in time. I was really feeling emotionally drained.
2. Kalia's antibiotic is so rare (called Cipro) that I had to call 14 pharmacies to find someone who carried it.
3. One of the pharmacies told me, "They don't even make that in such a high strength."
4. He was wrong. I drove 55 minutes to pick it up somewhere else.
5. Kalia is carrying her Wound Vac around everywhere she goes.
6. She is not being very careful with it. (I'll post a picture of it next time.)
7. My sister's newborn has been in the hospital for 12 days with RSV. (in Utah)
8. He got to go home Tuesday too!
9. Kalia has only thrown about 5 tantrums in her life.
10. Two of them were on Monday, one in front of each doctor.
11. They were HUGE tantrums! Poor kid was at the end of her rope too.
12. I think that helped them recognize that she really needed to get outta there.
13. We finally had enough of Dr. Pham.
14. We talked to some "higher up" people who arranged for us to see a new plastic surgeon from here on out.
15. He's specifically for pediatric plastic surgery. (YAY!)
16. We take Kalia back to the hospital twice a week for dressing changes.
17. It will involve anesthesia every time, but that will be for the best.
18. She is not taking any pain medicine at all right now.
19. Annie is still at my in-laws house. We let them have her for one more night.
20. They don't want to give her back.

:)
And finally, if you haven't read the awesome talk on trials in the March Ensign...you definitely should. I know everyone has to go through trials. Some are long and drawn out, some are quick and painful, and some of them are born quietly, not so much for public display on a blog. As Hymn #220 says, "In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see." I am so thankful for the love, support, and prayers that we've received as a result of this blog and facebook. I wish I could adequately express what a difference it has made as we've struggled through everything. I hope I can love and support some of you as you face trials that will surely come your way. When they do, I promise you that you can get through it, although often it will require heavenly help, and strength beyond your own. I've felt that so much these last two weeks. I've felt nearer to God than I have in a long time. He didn't leave us alone

Here are a few of the best quotes from that Ensign article. I hope they will help all of you. They really touched my heart.

Apostle Orson F. Whitney (1855–1931) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explains that God loves us perfectly and “would not require [us] to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for [our] personal benefit or for that of those [we] love.”5

President Harold B. Lee (1899–1973) once remarked: “Sometimes when [we] are going through the most severe tests, [we] will be nearer to God than [we] have any idea.”6

I second all of those things.
Much love to all of you wonderful blog readers.