My girls have been wearing me out. I have this other blog post that I wrote at the PEAK of my emotions. Oh, I ranted. I raved. I complained. I was so burnt out at the moment, and felt completely smothered. In fact, when Samuel came home and found me in such a tizzy, he sent me out by myself to run errands (I love that.) I stopped at the library, and found the perfect book. It's called SMOTHERHOOD. Isn't that the best word? That's how I've been feeling. So that post is still just hanging out. I am going to try a shortened version. (Aren't you glad? Can you imagine how long it would be? This one is long enough. Sheesh!!)
I don't know if it's just this time in my life, with my girls still so young, still unable to be more than 2 feet away from me, and still not quite old enough to entertain each other, but often I feel so discouraged. I definitely don't think I have to "DO IT ALL" - no way, those are silly expectations, but shouldn't I be able to do SOMETHING? Accomplish SOMETHING in the day?
I was feeling even worse because of a certain acquaintance on Facebook, who always posts status updates like this: "Dishes done, dinner in the oven, laundry folded and put away, bathrooms scrubbed, whole house vacuumed! Now I can sit and enjoy my kids!" And her status says that at least three times a week. She has FOUR kids, two in school, two at home, one on the way, and one time I finally just asked her how it's even remotely possible to accomplish that much (on a regular basis.) She says she just sits her kids in front of a Disney movie with a snack, and her kids sit there and watch it while she cleans.
I have NO problem with using the TV as a babysitter. But I just felt frustrated that her method would never, in a million years work for me and my kids. (Ok, maybe it will work when they're older, but it ain't happening now.) My house is never clean. I don't exercise. I rarely find time to make a real meal for Samuel and myself. I don't sew or knit or scrapbook or do art projects. I just don't get the chance to do anything but chase after a 17 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. And yes, it's a very good day that I get a shower. At night, when they're finally in bed, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I just want to bask in the silence. And I most definitely do not feel like cleaning or exercising. I just want lots of silence.
It makes me feel better knowing that so many of you are in the same boat. It makes me feel better that my mom must have gone through the exact same thing at one point, with my sister and I, when we were 1 and 2. It gives me hope that SOMEDAY my kids will sit in front of an ENTIRE movie, and I can scrub a tub or a toilet. Or just sit and read a book. I don't know what I'll do. But I just hope that day comes.
Maybe it's because they are so close in age. Maybe it's because I don't have a good, fenced-in yard to send them out to. Maybe it's because of the insecurities they've been through in the last 6 weeks, being away from home and from each other. I don't know. But man, I sometimes feel so smothered, I can barely breathe.
I know they love me. They want me to hold them and play with them all day. I love being adored like that. They are so cute and silly these days, and they make me laugh all the time. Thank goodness for that, I'd probably go crazy without some comic relief. But Kalia is so extremely active, she never stops, and she wears me out the most. It just seems like it was easier when Annie was a baby and went everywhere in a sling, and Kalia didn't ask to go climb a tree every half hour. And Annie wasn't eating dirt every day, and Kalia hadn't figured out how to hold a pen/crayon/marker yet. AND THEY WERE BOTH NAPPING. (Kalia fights napping, and rest time, and room confinement, with everything she's got.) Maybe this is just a hard stage?? But I'm worried that when I have 3 kids, or 4, I'll look back and say, "Girl, you had it easy and you didn't even know it."
And just when the straw broke the camel's back, and I thought I'd have to run away for two days, things got better, and Kalia and Annaliese just started....playing together. I mean, really playing. I almost thought it wasn't real. I've waited 17 long months for this day. I'm afraid to mention it, for fear that it will stop. It's only been going on for about a week. But they are getting into a lot of mischief together.
They escape outside every time I get too comfortable. (Time to get a high door latch.) Every time it's silent, I know they're out in the front, usually stealing stuff off of other people's porches. One time I found them sitting on the sidewalk, inches away from the street. One time, Kalia was in nothing but underwear, and another time, buck naked.
Today was a funny moment though. In the exactly two minutes that I used to get dressed, they had gone downstairs, pulled the frozen chicken nuggets out of the freezer, discovered the Dippin' Dots, took them outside, opened them, dropped them, and when I found them, they were licking them up off the sidewalk. Still in pajamas at least!
I laughed so hard at them doing this. But very quickly the ants came, and started biting there feet. Here's Kalia's efficient style of licking up ice cream.
Annie's "Bum in the air style"
But it kinda sorta made my day. I even made dinner. But no shower today. And the house looks like a bomb went off. And I most definitely did not do the dishes. So, one accomplishment for the day. But at least I loved my girls as best I could.I love the little things that help me keep my sanity. A few days ago I picked up Annaliese, only to find that her PJ pants were still on, but her diaper had mysteriously vanished (look close...I found it around her right ankle. It was soaked.)
I don't know how I'll handle any more kids, when two has consumed so much time and energy. HOW DO YOU GUYS DO IT? Seriously. I can't even comprehend it. Someone give me good news and tell me it gets easier.
Marker on Annie's face...Kalia looking like the guilty party, but she may have been framed.
Good thing they're cute. That's all I have to say about that.Eating dirt by the handfuls? What's UP with that?
15 comments:
The best advice that I can give you about motherhood is that you CAN'T compare yourself to other moms...if I tried to do half (or a quarter) of what some of my friends do, I would kill myself. A good friend and I came up with a good idea for the day. In the evening after the kids are in bed I make a list of what I want to get done the next day...doesn't mean that it gets finished, but it helps! Also, when the kids go down at night (or a nap) I spend no more than 10 minutes per room and get as much one as I can. Don't stress...it WILL get easier, and trust me we've ALL been where you are! :)
From what I hear it is easier, because you get older ones that can help babysit and entertain the younger ones.
I don't know what I would do if the TV didn't entertain Nathan though. It is for sure my life saver. I had a nephew that WOULD NOT watch more then 30 seconds of TV until he was 3 and then all of a sudden he loved it! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!
You are a great mom and just remember the messy house just reappears on a daily basis no matter if it was cleaned up or not!
Heather I can tell you what Kjirsten and Amelia do. Kjirsten wakes up before her kids do everyday and showers and gets dressed and cleans and has a few minutes to read scriptures or be on the computer. When the kids get up she is able to give them 100% of her attention. She also keeps her kids up pretty late at night so they sleep in. Amelia is just the opposite. She puts her kids to bed fairly early, about 8:30. Then she has the evening to get things done. She makes sure that the house is clean and things are organized for the next day before she goes to bed. Another thing I have noticed about the 2 of them is that they do not have too much "stuff" in their houses. It seems like it is easier for them to keep it clean.
Hang in there. Enjoy this time of motherhood. Each stage has challenges and also alot of joys to it. Make sure that you find some time for yourself. Either trade babysitting with a friend or have Samuel tend once in a while so you can get out and do something for you.
I feel like I'm in the same boat some days, although it is probably easier because Lincoln is almost four, but man! One year olds are HARD! Henry is a climbing machine and will eat anything in sight. I've given up on keeping my floor swept so I just have to embrace that he will eat floor food. Gross.
I've heard about someone who, instead of making a to-do list, they write down everything they do in the day so that before they go to bed, they can see everything they accomplished and feel good about their busy day. (Does that sound familiar to anyone? Where did I hear about that?) Because I guarantee that you are one busy Mama! Maybe it would help to be more conscious of what you ARE doing and record it than always thinking about what isn't getting done. And I bet it would be so funny to look back in 10 years and see a list like, "Kept Annie from eating dirt. Let Kalia climb a tree--ten times. Found the girls licking ice cream off the side walk" etc.
I'm sorry you're in this funk! I hope it lifts soon. Chin up, girl.
I know I've never had it as bad as you but I know it will get easier. I have 4 kids and my 3 girls can entertain each other all day long now without me being around. Since your kids are so close together and I think much more active than mine I would probably wait for the 3rd. But it DOES get easier. But I have 4 kids and do VERY little crafting or exercising so I haven't totally figured it out. But I do get a shower most days and my house only occasionally looks like a bomb went off (but rarely ever all clean at the same time either).
It's so nice of Samuel to notice that you were at your wits end and that you were able to run errands and find a perfect book at the library! You'll get through this!
Yes, I totally agree with what Jill said about "switching" with a friend. I have a friend, Lisa, that we switch just like 2-3 hours once, sometimes twice a week. That way we can get our cleaning done. Or sometimes I'll even use that time to shower and get ready. But, either way, it is HEAVEN!
For me, two kids is extremely hard (thus the reason, I am in NO WAY considering my third yet!)
Parker would never watch tv. It was kind of frustrating that I can get Taylor to sit for an hour but not him. Then I discovered "Spirit" the movie. Parker LOVES horses and when I put that movie in, he is HOOKED! :)
My secret to working out: A friend and I meet 3 times a week at our church building and run around the gym while our 4 kids run crazy. We bring them a bike or a push toy and just let them run around in the gym. It is heaven :)
Like some of the other ladies said, I clean make sure my house is cleaned up before I go to bed. I also clean the bathroom while the kiddos are taking a bath. Might as well get something done while they are playing and happy!
I, too hope parenthood gets easier as they get older :)
I tell Greg all the time, "I can understand now why people stop at one." :) Kids are so difficult sometimes. But, I have to say, kudos to you for being a great Mom and playing with them and taking care of them all day. When you have more kids, the girls will be getting older and closer to school age - and you'll miss these carefree days of chasing them around the house. They are so lucky to have you as their Mom!
I love how Kalia is licking her fingers in the last picture after consuming a handful of dirt! That is so freaking hillarious!!!
Would it help you to know that just reading this post made my day? And so that means you totally accomplished helping out a friend by making her laugh? I hope so. Boy how I wish you would call me on the days you feel like locking yourself in a room. Why the heck don't you just come down here dangit? Escape your own messy house and come and explore mine!
I love you and we miss you guys!!!You are so amazing and the girls are beautiful.
I am in the same boat you are in. My boys make it next to impossible to do anything. Tyler is pretty self-sufficient, but Logan and Carson are definitely not. It's hard enough to go to the bathroom and leave them unattended, because I never know what will have happened in that few minutes. I wait until the boys are in bed (6:30 at the latest for Logan and Carson, although it's usually another hour before they fall asleep) for the night before I start cleaning up toys. I allow myself to have 1 hour of cleaning after they go to bed and then the rest of the night is mine. In that hour I clean up toys and the kitchen (and every other day I vacuum). I make a list of what I feel needs to be done every week and for the rest of that hour I try to tackle some things on my list.
Despite trying to get naps to happen at the same time, I'm learning it's just not going to happen. So we are trying something new. Carson goes down first and while he is napping, I can bathe Logan. Then when Logan is in bed (although he hardly ever sleeps) I can bathe Carson. Bathing them together does not work. They both like to help with the laundry (they hand me clothes, and load and unload the dryer) and I clean the bathroom while one of them is bathing.
I am going to start trying to get up before them to give myself time to get ready for the day. If I don't do that, One of them takes a shower with me and then plays in the bathtub while I get ready for the day. It's not ideal, but it works.
Let's just take a moment and look at what your life has been like in the last year, shall we? I think you deserve a lot more credit then you give your self lady.
One thing that keeps me on track with house work is to do the same things every day. Monday's I do laundry/ironing, Mon/Wed/Fri I do floors, Tues/Sat I clean the bathroom... ya get it? I do those things on that day no matter what. If we have plans that day I wake up earlier to get it done, it has to be done.
That way I don't feel like I am always doing laundry and floors & cleaning the bathroom. It has it's assigned day & if it needs to be cleaned, it'll have to wait until then & I won't freak out about it. It has helped me get my self in order so I can spend more hours doing the things I want to do. It makes me accountable & at the end of the day I can check it off and not worry about it until the next time.
good luck my friend & be good to yourself!!
Wow. Lots of good advice. I love that you post about real life. So many people only post about the good things and make it seem like life is so perfect. It just isn't that way. Doesn't mean it isn't good, but perfect-no. We are always the hardest on ourselves. You are a wonderful mother. I hope you don't question that part. For me I have had to step back and not worry about all the 'other' stuff so much. I am a cleaning maniac and I feel that I am always cleaning or working on something before I am playing with my boys. I made Thursdays my cleaning day. I spend a couple hours broken up throughout the day and get everything cleaned. Throughout the week I just tidy up as needed usually while the boys are distracted by toys or after they have gone to bed. Now while Dylan is napping I am able to go outside and spend those couple of hours playing with Chandler which makes the days go by much easier. For one thing, he isn't making a mess in the house. For another, he gets distracted and doesn't whine and cling all day. It has been such a nice change.
I don't know if you will go back and read this, so instead of 30 yrs of advice, I just want to make one comment about the exercise, whoever said they go to the church... that's EXACTLY how I got hooked on working out. I went to a gymnasium with you and krystal with a whole bunch of toys and about 6 other mothers with kids and we exercised to music, do you remember the home movie of Krystal doing some routines? lol... you guys would watch me and copy me, and then run around the gym... that was in Delta and they had an open gym where every church sport activity was played. When we moved to this house, I went to the carpeted church gym and have done exercise there for 22 yrs. We women have taken baby swings, strollers, bouncy chairs, walkers, etc. whatever it took, our kids went with us 3 days a week, now I go alone.....................and its............................so.....................AWESOME!! I think that is a good idea for you, you get in a lot of chit chat, which is extremely helpful, and some exercise, not just for you, but for THE KIDS, YAY! Wear em out!!!! LOVE YOU, YOU ARE THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD, I ADMIRE YOU!! lOVE, MOMMA
i am seriously rethinking the kid thing..lol...you are an amazing person and an amazing mom, you have amazing girls who play in puddles and eat dirt...you are doing everything right. Carefree is the way it should be. I can't even keep my house clean and I don't have kids,...just roll with it. In Italy your mom usually cleans your house or you hire someone...most moms work here so i admire the stay-at-home mom thing...good ideas from all. keep going forward and NEVER GIVE UP.
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