8 Week Postpartum VENT SESSION!

Ella @ 7 weeks old: Plump and juicy and 13 lbs. I love her to pieces.
That's right. Don't stop cleaning until all that cold cereal is GONE!

Well, I am 8 weeks postpartum today. And sadly, I am still not working out. The one time that I have an easy enough delivery to start working out like, one week later, and I can't do it.

See, I knew I didn't want to turn 30. You just start falling apart.

No. Not really, but I do feel old all of a sudden. Even though I gained less weight with this pregnancy, at 38 weeks I started having an ache in my lower left hip (like where the leg goes in the join. It wasn't very bad, and I thought maybe it was because I was sitting on a wheat bucket at my computer. Then, if you remember from my long labor/delivery story, while I was pushing Ella out, both my hips hurt so bad, like they were popping out of socket or something. But then I had no hip pain at all for the first two weeks after she was born. I felt great!

Then at 3 and 4 weeks the pain got AWFUL- in the same spot on my left hip and also radiating down my inner left thigh (this pain seemed to be unrelated to any bone or joint, so I couldn't make sense of it.) It was excruciating to roll over in bed at night or get up first thing in the morning. Inactivity and rest made it way worse. I did some googling and found something called Pelvic Girdle Pain. It explained my symptoms exactly, however, it's much more common during pregnancy, and is kind of rare afterwards. I called my OB-GYN. First I saw a midwife at the practice, who had no idea what it was, and then I talked on the phone to my doc. He told me that "pelvic girdle pain" is kind of a new diagnosis, not much is known about it, and often physical therapy is the only thing that helps. He then referred me to a bone and joint specialist; that doctor treated me for Trocanteric Bursitis, which is basically tendonitis in the outer hip. It didn't explain that inner thigh pain though. He told me to come back for an MRI if I didn't feel better (he gave me a cortizone shot in my hip, which helped about 50% of the outer hip pain.) But the rest of my "pelvic girdle" just feels off and still aches, and I don't really want to go get an MRI done. And I was told I could do light exercise like walking, but nothing good like lunges, which is exactly what I want to be doing to get toned up.

Also, my right should blade has randomly started doing this pins and needles type of tingling. It's quite annoying. My body is just not right. I found an LDS chiropractor down the street who was kind enough to give Ella adjustments for free (well, we have an insurance benefit, he's just not charging me a copay for her.) She has been crying less, and I take her once or twice a week. Then I decided to start seeing him for myself to see if he could help my symptoms of everything else.

A crying baby can make you even MORE stressed than normal, and my neck and back are just in knots. The best part of my adjustment was the 45 minute massage I got on the table by their in-house masseuse. Yesssssssss. I'm going to go back every week. I'm hoping for good results from the chiropractor. The adjustment felt GREAT. I can't wait to feel better.

Samuel, on the other hand, thinks chiropractic care is "quackery." Haha. We'll see. I got some good feedback from some of you on facebook, so I'm hopeful.

It has been an extremely hard month. Kalia and Annie are just not getting the emotional attention that they need. I am SO glad they have each other. But they need more time with me, and I just can't give it to them unless I am letting my baby scream in the background somewhere. Ella just cries when I put her down. She can make it about 3 minutes in a bouncy chair, or about 5-10 minutes in her swing before she starts crying to be picked up. I have been trying really hard to help her get to sleep more, so she's not overtired or overstimulated, but this is not an easy process (getting her comfortable and relaxed enough to fall asleep). It takes quite a while, which leads to more time away from Kalia and Annie, as I usually have to lock them out of my bedroom while I cautiously try to lay Ella down. Often K or A comes running to my door, banging on it, fighting, crying or shrieking, waking Ella up, and frustrated, I start all over.

Annie is super sassy, Kalia is super emotional. Both are EXTRA whiny, and Kalia also likes to talk like a baby and I can't stand it! I am super-fried/burnt out/lacking in patience. I snap at them all the time, they seem to irritate me so easily, and I hate it. It's hard to see the problem, know what's causing it, and even KNOW the solution, yet not be able to implement it. If anything, I try to just find 2-3 minutes in a day to give 100% to Kalia or Annie. It's sad that that's all I can do now. But again. Things will be better soon. I really do enjoy being a mother, I promise! But sheesh, these can be trying times. It's hard not to think about how much easier the transition to three kids would be, if I had an "easier" baby.

I am totally just surviving each day and waiting for Ella to be on a schedule, and have a better, more mature digestive system. I keep telling myself that "This is Temporary." It's my motto right now! Things ARE getting better a little each week. Twice this week Ella has slept for a 3 hour nap on my bed during the day. She is not screaming for hours at night. Just fussing uncomfortable all evening, having the hardest time falling asleep or staying asleep. Last night I cursed that damn gas that is upsetting my baby so much. CURSE YOU! ENOUGH ALREADY. (For those of you wondering if she has allergies like Annie, from what I can tell, she doesn't have the respiratory or skin symptoms that Annie got, so I don't think it's food allergies with Ella.)

I was so hoping for an easy third baby. I have decided to OFFICIALLY STOP HOPING FOR EASY BABIES. Maybe it's just not in my DNA to have one of those babies who doesn't cry and fuss. I know they exist. I know some of you have them. You better read my blog and count yourself lucky. But my babies are a lot of work from months 1-3. So don't expect me to have it all together or to be a very nice person during that time, okay? In fact, don't be surprised (Samuel, this is for you, though you'll never read it) that sometimes at the end of a very hard day or in the middle of the night, I MIGHT seem to be a little on the edge of my sanity, ("I'M NOT CRAZY, I'M JUST A LITTLE UNWELL!! BUT STAY AWHILE AND BABY THEN YOU'LL SEE...A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME!"

I love to vent. I love to blow off steam. I am really trying to get Samuel to understand how HELPFUL it is for me to vent. He tends to think I am criticizing or blaming him, or complaining about how much I hate my life. That's not the case at all. I just need to really FEEL things, EXPRESS them, and then blow it away, and ahhhhhhh....that feels better! No need for anyone to take anything personally. And just so I don't forget, there ARE very sweet and happy and tender moments in my life. Truly. I love to hear the cute things that Annie and Kalia say to me and each other (good thing they can forgive me so easily, and love so generously.) I love it when Ella smiles and coos at me, which she does several times a day. I LOVE that! I love that when Samuel had to leave town for the weekend, I was able to get all 3 girls ready for Sacrament meeting and take them ALL by myself. And we WEREN'T LATE! (miracle of miracles) and we sat through a full 55 minutes of the meeting before I had to get up and take all 3 out. I love seeing the reunion of Kalia and Annie and Samuel after he gets home from work. It's like a huge celebration when he makes it home right before they go to bed. I love to see Samuel talking so sweetly to his baby daughter. And I love when he gets up in the middle of the night and takes her so I can go back to bed. Really and truly, I don't mean to be too pessimistic. I know I am so so so lucky to even have these sweet little girls to raise. But WHEW. Just needed to get all of that off my chest.

p.s. sorry for swearing. I'll go repent now.

Our Morning at the Park

The weather is beautiful this week in Arizona. A beautiful 70 degrees at 10 a.m. I decided on a *whim (*note to self: No more decisions on a whim) to take the girls to the park. They ran and got themselves dressed, and Ella was already asleep in the Moby Wrap on my chest, so we were good to go, right? I didn't want to pack a big bag to take to the park, so I opted to take a bottle of water and a conference Ensign to read while the girls played.

Kalia hopped on her scooter, Annie on her bike (that she recently learned to pedal, yay!) and off we went. It was nice and breezy so I covered Ella all the way up with the Moby and 5 minutes later we were at the park. The girls started collecting pine cones and playing in the sand, and I sat down on a bench and read the opening talk by Pres. Monson. You know, the really short one? It took about 2 minutes. That's when Ella started stirring. Dang it, I thought! She's probably going to be hungry. Luckily I am nursing her, so the food wasn't the problem, the problem was that I was going to have to take her out of the Moby Wrap and feed her with all these neighbors (and their giant windows) looking at me. I wasn't too worried about other women or small children, but any sicko men that wanted a free look at a boob. I went and sat by a tree and tried to shield myself from any onlookers. That's when I discovered two small things that I'd forgotten when I rushed out the door:
1. Ella wasn't dressed, she was in nothing but a diaper
2. I wasn't wearing a bra.

Oops.

I silently curse myself for forgetting these details, because now I have to be extra sneaky about feeding her in case anyone else came to the park or even just drove by and saw me nursing a naked baby. (Plus I didn't want her to get sunburned.) I decided to use the Moby Wrap as a cover (as best I could) but I really didn't want to untie the wrap and take it off, because that would require me having to put Ella down on the ground (IN HER DIAPER NO LESS!) in order to put it back on.

I managed to feed her on one side. There may have been a little boob sighting for some people, but it wouldn't have been for long. I stayed covered up.

Then Ella pooped- I heard it. I was praying it didn't leak out anywhere, since I had nothing to change her with. I kept feeding her, wishing I had her gas drops (I've been giving them to her with every feeding-- seems to be helping-- less crying...) That's when Kalia ran over and said she had to go potty. We had been at the park for all of 15 minutes. I was debating just leaving. There is no bathroom at this park. I had asked her to go before we left, but of course, she didn't. So I told her that I couldn't help her, but she could go squat by a bush somewhere. (We've done this before, but usually I hold her up so she doesn't have to pee on herself.) That's when she said it was actually #2 that she had to go.

Great.

So I did what any great mother would do. I told her to hold it. She liked this idea, since she didn't want to go home yet.

The girls went on playing and I kept on feeding and burping. Ella fell asleep while nursing and so I just let her sit there on my boob for about 20 minutes, and the girls got to play happily (whew!). But when she woke up, she was fussy and I was out of ideas. We had to go home.

I told the girls to get their shoes, helmet, pinecones, etc and we were leaving. Then I realized I could use Kalia to hold Ella while I re-tied my Moby wrap. She was able to do an adequate job, but in my hurry to get that half-naked baby hidden against me, I did a terrible job tying the wrap. In fact, after making it only 25 yards, I had to stop, take her out, ask Kalia to sit down and hold her again, and re-tie. The second time was better. Now Kalia wanted to ride Annie's bike, but I said NO WAY, because Annie + Kalia's scooter = SLOOOOOOOWWW. So I convince them to leave on the vehicles that they came on, and we started on our way. Annie and I got ahead of Kalia, she had to stop for some reason, and she wailed, "WAIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!" As if she could never catch up. 4 seconds later she had caught up and passed us. This is when Annie decides to get off her bike and PULL it. Kalia is about to cross the street on her own, but I yell until she stops. She waits (forever) for us to catch up. I am using my conference Ensign to shield the sun from Ella's face (at least it was good for something on this outing.)

We managed to cross the street together after two cars passed (one lady smiling, probably thinking, "She's really got her hands full, bless her heart") and then Kalia races ahead again, Annie still pulling her bike at a snails pace. Finally I give up in frustration and grab Annie's bike and start pulling it myself, telling Annie to just WALK. I march off, dragging the bike backwards by it's handle, shading Ella from the sun, when Annie decides she will RIDE while I pull it backwards. Kalia, who has stopped again and is getting left behind wails again, "WAAAIIIIIIIIIITTT" and I yell a little too loud "NOO!!! HURRY UP!" and marched on.

We passed our next door neighbor as we got home, who for some reason shouted, "The girls look so cute!" (???????? What on earth? They got themselves dressed, I hadn't done their hair, and I was pulling Annie backwards and shielding the baby with a magazine. How is any of this cute?)

Well, at least by the time I got to the door, I decided to take a picture and document this experience. I was really frustrated at this point, and tried to remind myself that "someday I'll miss this" but I was having a hard time remembering exactly WHAT I would miss about times like this.

We walked in the door and Kalia took off her helmet and totally chucked it outside and it smacked into the ground. I said, "Uh-oh, I hope you didn't break it." She said, "I didn't. It's made of wood."

Okay. I will miss hearing things like that when she's all grown up. So...we survived. Ella's diaper didn't leak. Kalia was able to hold it. Annie kept her panties dry. I didn't run into anyone I knew (besides a quick passing of the neighbor) who would see me with messy hair and a visor on. And no bra. So ya know what? It could have been worse. But I guess I learned my lesson. Boy Scouts 101. Be prepared.

(Don't you love Annie's headband?)




Thank you Ella, for sleeping long enough for me to write this now.

Update

(you may already know about this, thanks to facebook.)

I found out on Friday that Ella has a broken clavicle. It is already healing- we assume it's from birth. I'm actually pretty positive that it happened at birth. A few clues (looking back):

1. Right after she was born I tried to nurse her on my left side- she wouldn't take it, she just kept whimpering. (The broken clavicle is her right, which would have been the side she was laying on to nurse on my left.

2. Ella cried for hours one night in the hospital. I remember calling in the nurse at 3 a.m. to bring me a pacifier and a turkey sandwich cause I was starving. She tried to re-swaddle and bounce the babe to sleep, with no luck. Finally an hour later I got her to fall asleep (exhausted- and with a pacifier.)

3. A few days after we brought her home from the hospital, I lifted her up under her arms and she seriously SHRIEKED. My mom was right there, and I wondered outloud if she could have a hurt shoulder. Broken clavicle never crossed my mind.

Last week, after one long and miserable night when Ella screamed before bed and the again in the middle of the night, I decided I'd had enough. I took Ella in to the doctor to have her checked for silent reflux- her doctor had me take her to get a 3D x-ray thing. It showed the break/fracture, and it also showed lots of bowel gas, like more than normal. So the doc told me to focus my efforts on helping her be less gassy (and not swallow so much air when she eats, etc.

In other news (you may have seen this on facebook too)- I had a particularly DIFFICULT Saturday over the weekend. Two birthday parties to go to (family) and Samuel was working again. Ella was fussy, the girls had totally dirtied up their brand new matching outfits (what was I thinking sending them to outdoor birthday parties in new clothes? duh.) and to make things worse, I have been in a ton on pain in my left leg and hip. I put the girls in their bedroom with the door shut because my OB-GYN had called me to find out more about my pain. He is going to send me to an orthopedic doctor, but ANYWAY, I was probably only on the phone for 5 minutes when I came out and found these girls like this:
That is a $30.00 tub of Triple Paste, the best rash cream I know of. (The girls are REALLY lucky I found it on clearance for $10, but still-- it was brand new.)

Ella was crying of course, so I couldn't even put her down to clean it up. I think I cried a little, I might have said a swear word, and at least I had enough sense to know this will be funny one day, and I took some pics. (It's not funny to me yet- Annie's hair still looks grease-soaked after TWELVE washings with dish soap, and the carpet might be ruined.)

I made the girls sit in chairs in the living room for half and hour until Samuel got home. Then I let him deal with it. We were not happy parents that night.

Having 3 kids can be pretty tricky.

The end of blogging?

No- of course not. I don't think I could ever give up blogging. But it SURE is hard to get to it these days.

I have sat down several times to try to write a post and update ya'll on everything here.
I never can finish them.

I have a fussy baby. I love her to death. She still smells like a newborn on top of her head. She is no longer keeping me awake at night (she wakes up to eat twice and falls right back to sleep. And we are co-sleeping so I get to stay in bed all night.)

BUT.

She fusses a LOT during the day. It's worse in the evening. She acts like digesting breastmilk is the WORST thing ever. Those burps must really hurt. (not really.) But it's so sad, her cries do seem more like "I'm hurting" then anything else. And it makes me feel really guilty, because it feels like it's my fault (my diet.) So I went off of dairy-- thought it helped, but now I'm not so sure. She is good for about 30 minutes after eating, and then the crying begins. Gripe water helps a bit. Liquid probiotics seem to make a considerable difference. But I am considering asking for a prescription for reflux medicine. (Note- she rarely spits up. I am wondering if it's silent reflux, the kind that burns after you eat, but doesn't make you spit up?) But to be honest I'm not convinced that reflux is what she has-- and I kind of hate to put her on medication.

She needs to be rocked/held to fall asleep. The Moby Wrap has been extremely helpful so far for this little chica. She will stay asleep in her swing, and right now she is asleep on my bed (on her tummy. Whatever works, right?) That's nice- I have both hands free.

I am praying she doesn't have a million allergies like Annie did. So far she doesn't have the skin and respiratory reactions that Annie had-- so hopefully that's not it.

Maybe babies are just fussy in the first few months? I have forgotten. So if YOU have any advice about babies who are almost 4 weeks old (too young for colic, right?) who cry a lot, let me know. Or just tell me she'll probably grow out of it.

On another positive note, she will smile at me about once a day. She's been doing that for over a week now, usually right after she wakes up in the morning, usually with her face mashed into my bosoms. (hee hee). Who wouldn't smile after waking up to that? No, actually it's when I start talking to her, she'll give me a smile and show me her cute little dimples (Samuel's baby for sure!). That's usually all I get for the day though- one smile.

She's still asleep, so I will add this in. We had one amazing day on Saturday. Samuel was working, so I decided to take all 3 girls BY MYSELF to our ward Easter breakfast and egg hunt. It went so well that I decided to run to Costco and McDonalds. Ella just kept sleeping all day, so I then decided to brave our subdivision Spring Festival and let the girls play on all the Bounce Houses for two hours. I couldn't believe it. I was out of the house all day (from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.) all by myself with 3 kids. It went so great. But I'm not fooled. It was just a tender mercy, I know, I won't be trying to do that very often.

My milk seriously hurts when it lets down. (Funny sidenote- after I had Kalia, I remember reporting on my blog that I had thrush. These "shooting pains" in the milk jugs were obviously thrush, right? No, I learned later that it was my milk letting down. Is that weird?

Here's a few pics of the festival, plus a few Easter pics, and a few more Ella pics-- in no particular order.








Oops, her head is falling out. I had to re-tie my wrap after this.
I am sure Samuel is THRILLED about all the pictures of him in his G's, but you can see the little dimple in the above picture. Kalia and Annie don't really have dimples- but they are a definite Bigler trait, Samuel and his sister and his dad all have that dimple, and maybe Grandma Ella did too? Who knows.


P.S. At her 2 week appointment she was already 9 lbs 6 oz. Already out of newborn diapers. She was also a full inch taller. It's crazy how fast they grow.

Birth Story

Here I am at 39.5 weeks pregnant- the last pics of me pregnant (ahhhhh...that felt good to write). I was only measuring 38 cm, so this is a smaller belly size for me. Don't know why, but kind of a fun surprise after all my complaints about people telling me I was big.




I have had to work on this long and detailed story for several days. Didn't want to leave anything out- of course!

So, back up to Sunday, March 26th. I was really anxious to get my labor going. I didn't have any signs of labor yet, besides being dilated to 1 cm. So on Sunday we went for a morning family walk. Then after that, I walked up and down our stairs (3 landings- 17 stairs) a total of 40 times. I had some nice hard Braxton Hicks contractions, but still nothing. (This stair-walking brought on my labor with Kalia within about 48 hours, or so I thought, maybe it was just a coincidence, but I had to try it anyway.)

I took the belly pictures on Sunday- in typical, sports bra fashion. I was surprised then, (and still surprised now) that all of a sudden I don't feel "Extra large" anymore. I don't even feel like I'm almost 40 weeks along. I kind of like my belly size.

Monday and Tuesday go by. No signs of labor. Braxton Hicks are irregular, but getting stronger. Still not painful. Wednesday I was really worried that my mom was going to show up and I was going to go overdue, and she would miss the birth. So on Wednesday morning I walk about 2 miles with the girls. Wednesday evening I walked (and jogged and skipped) 2 more miles by myself, and then jumped on the trampoline (hard) with Kalia and Annie, all in hopes of getting some more dilating action. I knew if I had dilated past a 1, my doctor could most likely strip my membranes at my Thursday morning appointment.

Thursday morning I woke up at 6 a.m. to pee, and oddly, couldn't fall back asleep. I realized that I was having regular Braxton Hicks contractions, even while laying down! They were about 10 minutes apart- still no pain. But regular! How exciting! They continued for the next 6 hours, including while I was at my doctors appointment.

The FIRST happy moment was when I got on the scale and I had LOST a pound. Which meant I hadn't gained any weight in 4 weeks, plus I'd lost a pound. What a miracle. I guess that's what happens when you lose your ability to smell and taste.

The SECOND happy (nearly euphoric moment) happened when my doc checked me and said, "Oh yeah. You're ready." (I was dilated 2-3, 75% effaced, a nice change from 7 days previous) and he stripped my membranes, which he warned me would hurt, but wasn't very bad. He told me that he thought there was a good chance that I'd go into labor that day/later that night, and that would be great for him, because he had all his c-sections scheduled for the following day, which could be tricky if I went into labor then. I practically skipped outta there.

I picked up my mom at the airport, we went to Costco to stock up on a few necessities, filled the car with gas, and waited....I thought my contractions would get harder and more painful. But basically they stopped. My mom talked me into taking a nap, which I did, from 4-6 p.m. But at 6 and 7 p.m. STILL NO CONTRACTIONS! Now I was a little bugged because my hopes were up, Samuel was at work, anxiously awaiting "The Call" that it was time, and everyone on facebook knew that I might be having a baby that day.

My mom encouraged me to go on another walk, so we took Annie in the stroller, and we did a light jog for about 2-3 miles.

That finally did the trick. An hour later, my contractions started regularly, and they hurt a little. So I used an awesome App on my Ipod touch, and kept track of them. I started tracking at 8:20 p.m. and they were coming every 7-10 minutes.

Samuel came home, and I made him drive me to this house to get a refrigerator off of Craigslist. I didn't want anyone else to get it, and we really needed a new one, and this one was a great deal. So there I am, laboring away as we pick up a fridge. I had to start concentrating and relaxing through my contractions (about 6 minutes apart at this point) as they were hurting more. I also made Samuel quit talking to me during contractions, so that I could focus. Still though, pretty bearable pain!

We got home around 9:30, and they just kept coming, slowly getting closer together. I was trying to watch American Idol (elimination results) but I had to pause the show every 5 minutes. They were getting closer together.

We decided to call Samuel's mom to come over to stay with the girls at 11:00 and in the 30 minutes it took her to get there, I climbed into a hot bath, which felt GREAT, and labored there for a bit. That definitely took an edge off the pain. They were down to about 3-4 minutes apart when I really had to crack the whip and be like. OK. IT'S TIME. LET'S GO. It wasn't so much that they were killing me (like I expected)- it was just that they were getting so close together. So I think we actually left at about 11:40 p.m.

We got in the car, me, Samuel, and my mom, except I insisted on sitting in the very back where there's not a seat, and I was sitting on Kalia's big bouncy ball. That had helped at home, but in a bouncing car (and my head grazing the roof of the Pilot) not so much. Contractions were hurting a lot, also, I couldn't get in a good position to ease the pain (moving and finding positions was key in me staying home as long as I did, and not being in as much pain as I expected to be at that point.)

But during the 20 minutes car ride, I was really hurting, in fact, I kept telling them that I was feeling really nauseated, and that I thought I was going to throw up. Samuel was sweet and ran a few red lights to get me there faster.

We got to the Pregnant Patient entrance and Samuel and my mom talked to one lady to check me in, while some nurse made me stand there for 10 minutes and give her my HEALTH HISTORY (SERIOUSLY? I had pre-registered, and they were making me give health history? I was so irritated, and in contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart.) Then they took me to Triage. I have never had to be in triage before. IT SUCKED. I could see all these drawn curtains with (supposed) laboring women behind them, but it was totally quiet except for the baby heartbeats that were sounding. (How were they all being so quiet? I can't figure it out.)

Of course, that silence went away when I seriously started MOANING during my contractions, and swaying and holding onto Samuel. All this and there is no nurse even coming to CHECK me. Again, I almost wanted to start screaming at them to hurry up, but they were in no hurry. FINALLY some nurse comes in (it was probably 7 minutes, but it felt like 20) and makes me lay down, which hurt, and she checked me and said I was 7 CM dilated. That was good news, but not good enough, I didn't know how long it would take me to get to 10 CM, so I just looked at her with INTENSE eyes and said, 'I WANT AN EPIDURAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." She looked back with big eyes and said OK! Like, she could feel what I was throwing down. I go back to my slow dancing/moaning/disturbing other laboring mothers with my pain management, 5 minutes later, two nurses come in with bags of something in their hands, and in my distress I remember thinking that maybe this was the anesthesiologist already to give me my epidural! Yay! But no. They were like, nursing students who came to put an IV in.

I DIDN'T WANT A DANG IV, I WANTED SOME PAIN RELIEF! (I forgot that you have to have like 20 minutes of IV pushed through your body before they can even give you an epidural. I couldn't talk or complain though. Before they could even start to stick me with their pokey thing, I felt the urge to bear down. And I told them. I THINK I NEED TO PUSH!

Aw, the look in their eyes was great. It was like the lightbulb turned on. Even though it had only been 5 minutes since I was told I was at a 7, apparently it was time.

The nurses snapped into action and decided to move me straight to a delivery room. They made me lie in bed to transport me (again- I'm not loving this laboring lying down thing!) and then we enter the delivery room, full of nurses. Still no doctor. I saw my postpartum nurse preparing the infant warming bed. That really stuck out to me at the moment- my baby was really almost here, and was going to be IN THAT BED in just a short while!

So all these nurses are bustling around, but without a doctor to direct me, everybody was trying to just leave me alone. Samuel was at the side of my bed. I had a few contractions, and I knew that you're supposed to pant like a dog to stop yourself from pushing. So that's what I did, and the nurses were so nice and encouraging and telling me to keep that up. I have the vaguest recollection of the nurse putting the IV in, but that was really the least of my concerns as the contractions were coming fast.

My nurse tried to check me again to see if I was at a 10, but she said she couldn't tell, because all she could feel was a "bulging bag of waters." But I did hear her say, "I don't think she's complete." I was a little worried that I was going to be stuck laboring for another hour trying to get complete, and at that point I was sure I couldn't take this pain for much longer. She also said, "As soon as that water breaks, that baby is coming out."

Finally I just said I HAVE TO PUSH (with question marks in my eyes like, what do I do?) And the charge nurse finally said, "We can't tell you what to do- but you can do whatever your body tells you." In other words- Green Light. Whew! I started pushing. And it really did feel like the biggest bowel movement ever, but it just felt so great to not fight that urge anymore! The nurses were like, 3 feet away from the bed, but kind of peering in to see what was happening, and everybody was making encouraging comments (Samuel said they could see the bulging perineum) but it was nice to feel like my pushing was going to go faster than it has in the past.

It was a totally different experience for me to push when I felt fully rested and strong and unmedicated. It was actually AWESOME. I just felt strong. Even though I was on my back (not the best position for pushing, and since I didn't have the epidural, I could have pushed in a squat or something, but it was happening to fast for me to even try to get up and move. Plus- the pushing was very effective. She was moving down. It was still hurting. The urge to push, it seems like, came every 30 seconds, but it was no problem to catch my breath and push some more. I remember saying that one of the nurses was going to have to deliver the baby, cause I couldn't hold back anymore. I gave a good strong push, and POP!! The best way I can explain it is that my water EXPLODED. It hit Samuel, but the majority of it ended up 8 feet away all over the floor. It felt cool. And sounded cool. And it was just exciting. Here's Samuel with a splattering of amniotic fluid on him. hahaha!Just a minute later, MY DOCTOR ARRIVED! Yes! Finally! He sat on the (wet) bed to check me real quick, and said he could feel a little bit of cervix still there, so on the next contraction, he literally like, pushed it the rest of the way out of the way (does that make sense).

That was probably the MOST EXCRUCIATING PAIN I have ever felt, to have him doing that during a contraction. But the good news was, the exit was clear. I was "complete."

The doctor turned to get his smock and gloves on, and before he could even do that, I had pushed out part of the head. Samuel told me this later, but I guess he had to use part of his sleeves (covering his hands) to start to guide the head out. The nurses got excited and told me to look, but then I stopped pushing, so my Dr. reminded me to get back to focusing and pushing. And somehow he got his gloves on.

So I do remember pushing with all my might, and really GROANING as I pushed, and I also remember that instead of pubic bone pain, like I felt with Annie, it was all in my hips, which have been really sore the last week before labor. It was like I could feel them widening as I pushed her body through, but I felt like all my hip bones were popping out of socket.

Oh. And then. the RING OF FIRE! I don't remember it hurting so bad with Annie, so maybe the epidural (that had worn off) gave me a tad bit of relief, but that ring of fire, when the head is coming through, but has to sit there in between contractions. HOLY COW. I was sure I had ripped and torn in 8 places. That burned and hurt like crazy. But I was feeling excited that she was coming out so quickly. So I just kept following those urges to push, like, every 10 seconds. It seems like it was all one big, unstoppable urge to push at this point. It was really cool. My mom was snapping pictures and telling me what was happening, "She has hair! The head is out! Here come the shoulders!" And then ahhh....relief, I felt her come all the way out. Nobody said anything at the time, but Samuel noticed that Ella had the cord wrapped tightly around her neck once. Her face was dark purple. The doctor noticed of course, and Samuel saw him slip a finger under the cord right after her head came out, to help loosen it a little. Then he undwound it as soon as she was out.

(And though I can't post them, my mom captured three of the COOLEST pictures I've ever seen- one of the baby with just her head out (and cord wrapped), then one with her being pulled out, she's about 50% out of my body, and you really get to see how big you, um, STRETCH to let a baby out. And then this moment right after he pulled her out, and you can see the cool umbilical cord, which is still attached to the placenta inside me. (Sorry for anyone who doesn't like the details, but I am fascinated by all of it, so I'm including them.)

They placed her on my chest, and tried to suction her, but she wouldn't cry. This is like, one second after he pulled her out. I could see that she had some meconium stuck to her little bum cheeks, so we knew there was a little distress going on.

So since they couldn't get her to cry (it was only about 30-60 seconds it seems...but I could hear her making sounds), they decided to cut the cord quickly (Samuel did it, in fact my mom also just happened to catch this moment the second the scissors snipped the cord. She got so lucky with her haphazard picture snapping, but she caught some really amazing moments from the other side of the hospital bed.

As soon as they carried her to the warmer, she let out a big wail, and didn't stop. She pinked right up, and they cleaned her up and brought her back to me.It was great. I was so excited that LABOR was over. And oh my goodness, I think I had the proudest husband in all the world. Proud because his sister and mom like to go natural, but his wife--kind of a wuss about pain. He must have said 25 times, "I can't believe you did it." I never did really get him to clarify what he meant, but I know that he was really shocked that I made it without pain medication. He also couldn't believe that I, in his words, "handled it so well"- he was remembering how I completely fell apart and screamed and thought I was going to die when I was laboring with Kalia (for 27 hours, on Pitocin, and had the epidural wear off for three hours at the end- three separate hours.) I reminded him that #1, I didn't have a choice about going all natural- and that I HAD begged for an epidural in triage, and #2, that with the Kalia labor, I was on that awful Pitocin for hours, dilated to a 10 for hours, and had to cope with THAT awful (back labor) pain, and yes, it was much worse than what I had just gone through.) Nonetheless, I really appreciated his praise and adoration.

Anyway, I forgot that I had a placenta to deliver, and so the doctor turned his attention back to me after a little bit and delivered it. He had me give a little push to get it out. I don't remember doing that. And yes, I like to look at it and see the cool thing that fed my baby for 9 months. So other than my booty, which felt "like a bomb had gone off down there"- I was feeling pretty dang awesome. Not quite euphoric, like I've heard people say after going natural, but just really happy. I just loved everyone. My doctor. The nurses. My mom. My husband. My baby. Love love love. And pain in the booty mixed in there.

Then I heard the nurse ask, "Any tearing?" And he said, "No." And I think my jaw hit the ground because after feeling what I felt, I was sure there was tearing. And I tore when I had Annie, in two different places, and this baby was almost the exact same size as her, so I was just really surprised to hear that I didn't need stitches. ESPECIALLY because the doctor didn't have any time to do any stretching or prepping of that area.

As a side note, a few days before I went into labor, a girl I knew in high school had given me some tips on managing my labor and delivery- specifically, pain management tips. She had just had a successful home birth, and also had not torn- and she had shared with me that she had tried to "surrender to the pain" and keep it in perspective, and really appreciate it instead of dread it. She thought that might have made a difference in her delivery and her body letting the baby out without tearing. I think that she is on to something, and that her techniques helped me in more ways than one. Also, twice in the week before the birth, I had tried to "stretch myself" a little in the shower, but I didn't really know what I was doing, so I'm not sure if that made a difference.

So Samuel got to really hold Ella first, and she was all bundled up at that point. It was so sweet to see him snuggling her and talking to her. Finally he gave her to me so I could try to nurse her. That was a little discouraging, because she didn't show any interest in it- and she wouldn't latch. She just whimpered. I have heard that babies born without an epidural will nurse and latch extra good, right away, but that didn't happen for me. Maybe she was too traumatized? But she just whimpered for about 5-10 minutes. She had some big 'ol forehead bruises, and blood pooled in her eyes, maybe from when my water broke, and slammed her down into my pelvis? Not sure, but one week later and she still has the blood in her eyes (enlarge this picture from a few days ago- you can see the blood in her eyes. It's not too bad though.) Finally she did latch on though. My doctor had left at this point, after I thanked him profusely and probably told him I loved him. I really felt a lot of good emotions- love and gratitude and excitement, and happiness that I actually was able to give birth without an epidural.

I had really wanted to try a natural birth, but was pretty sure I couldn't handle the pain. I knew that as soon as the hospital "admitted" me, I would cave in and ask for pain relief. So my plan was to labor at home as long as I could take it, and hope I could get to the hospital so far along that I wouldn't even have time for an epidural. But I REALLY did not think it was going to happen exactly how I had secretly wanted. Also, did anyone notice that the baby was born the same night my mom flew in? Go back a few blog posts and read about how "I would love to have the baby that night"-- and sure enough, I did? I just felt like Heavenly Father really gave me some tender mercies with this birth- not sure what I did to deserve them.


Another tender mercy happened when it was time for them to move me to the postpartum room. I didn't get to choose the hospital where I gave birth- I had to go to the hospital closest to my doctor's office, since I was a VBAC patient. It's a good hospital, and the only complaint that maternity patients ever had (according to my research) was that the recovery/postpartum rooms were TEENY! So that was the one thing I was not looking forward to. We even sent my mom home to get some sleep, since I knew there was not going to be room for her and Samuel to stay the night.

But somehow, at that moment in time, they didn't have an open postpartum room, so they wheeled me to what the nurses call "The Penthouse"- the biggest delivery room they had, their "overflow room." It was HUGE. A big ol couch for Samuel to sleep on, plus a rocking chair, a big comfy bed, and room to spare everywhere. It ROCKED! It was just like one great surprise after another. I couldn't believe how everything was going so well.

The rest of the time in the hospital was a breeze. I had Samuel take out my IV port a few hours later, cause it was bothering me. The nurses told me to leave it in for 24 hours, but why on earth did I even need it? They could always start a new one. So Samuel took out his first IV ever. It kind of hurt. :)

The girls came to visit twice. It was a sweet reunion, and they totally loved their new sister. Kalia's favorite thing is to be the Binky Police. She likes to put it in Ella's mouth, or "just hold it" in her hand, or sometimes, of course, I catch her sucking on it. With a super guilty expression on her face. Annie has been surprisingly cheerful and sweet. I thought she'd be the more difficult one. We'll see as time goes on.

I got a really awesome "Welcome Home"- the best I've ever had after giving birth. My next door neighbor decorated the outside of the house with balloons. And the people we're living with happened to be home this weekend (they are usually not here) and they gave me a beautiful lily bouquet. My mom and girls had gotten some mylar balloons, and Samuel gave me some gorgeous roses. It was such a fun surprise to come home to all that. (Finally Samuel caught on that a girl wants some FLOWERS after birthing a child!)So- the recovery.
What can I even say about the recovery. It was almost like there was nothing to recover from. My bum hurt for about 6 hours. I took some Ibuprofen for it. I got up and walked around right away and felt amazing. I didn't use a peri-bottle once- I didn't even know you could give birth and come home without needing a peri bottle, or tucks, or numbing spray. And it just got even better after that. My lower back has been sore, but other than that, (and the contractions while nursing, which were pretty brutal), I have not even felt like I gave birth. I went to the grocery store yesterday, and took Ella, and people kept looking at me funny when I said she was "4 days old." And I admit- who goes grocery shopping with a 4-day old baby? Granted, my last two births have been a c-section (and postpartum infection) and a vaginal birth, with tearing, and stitches that came out and had to be put back in a few days later-- there was lots of pain, hobbling, and pain while going to the bathroom. So that made this recovery seem even more like a breeze. But wow. I think these people are onto something about the benefits of going natural- if it works out that you can do it.

Finally, I did not have back labor this time- so the labor and delivery was just that easier. I will say that if, with my next baby, I have back labor, and I know my baby is not in a "fast birthing" position, I will not try to be tough and go natural. Plus, back labor is just that much more painful, and sometimes doesn't let up. Just a note to self for future.So, now it's almost a week later. My mom has been here all week and has truly been a lifesaver. She has done EVERYTHING for me. I've just been sitting around and snuggling my baby. I can't get enough of her, and it's been so wonderful to have all this time to hold her. She sleeps all day, and has a fussy period almost every night (middle of the night.) So we're working out those kinks. Kalia and Annie are doing great with her, and aren't mauling her nearly as much as I expected. They ask to hold her once or twice a day. And they tell me as SOON as she starts crying, in case I didn't notice.

I had to drop my mom off at the airport today. She left everything in order for me- everything clean and spotless and all the laundry done, and meals made, and shelves organized, etc. etc. I had a mini-meltdown the night before she left. You know, the typical "My mom is leaving me" meltdown. The true test will come in the next few weeks as I try to manage on my own. I think Samuel will take about 5 days off to help out, and then the real trial begins.
I finally had to cave in and go to the doctor. I was almost better when the symptoms relapsed, so my mom urged me to get in to a doctor to listen to my lungs, which were very congested, as were my sinuses. He sent me to get a chest X-ray to make sure it wasn't pneumonia. And I finally caved in and started an antibiotic. And I REALLY hope this is finally the end of it. I was just so sure that it was viral- and maybe it started out that way, but it seems like it progressed into bacterial infections. I am just really hoping my baby doesn't catch anything from me.

WHEW! That was long. But now I can rest that all the details are safely recorded, and I can get back to holding my baby. Here's a few more pics that I took today. She is 6 days old and I already wish time would slow down. I absolutely love newborns in their first few weeks of life (even when they keep me awake for hours at night.) I love how they are all curled up, and smell so good, and their skin is so perfectly soft. I just wish I could keep her like this forever.

Comparison Pics

My sister Tara asked for some comparison pics of my three girls. So here ya go! Do you think she looks more like Annie, Kalia, or a mix between? (Most people around here are saying Annie...)

ELLA








KALIA



ANNIE