April Update

Well, some things have happened around here. Samuel was supposed to graduate from nursing school in a few weeks. He has studied a LOT in this final semester (like probably about 40 hours a week). There is only one class, and it covered neurology, psychology, and med-surg. Oh, and there were two teachers- one nice one, and one super cranky one. He can retain information AMAZINGLY. If you start asking him medical stuff, he tells you stuff way over your head (not on purpose.) He is so smart, and he assumed that if he just studied his textbooks incessantly, that he would not have a problem passing the exams. This proved to be a fatal mistake.  All the studying and memorizing did not do him a whole lot of good, because he has not figured out HOW they TEST. It is NOT as simple as it is for regular classes (like things I took in college.) There is not only ONE right answer. There are usually multiple answers, and you have to be able to say which ones are the most important of all the right ones, without selecting any right ones. And it is kind of subjective, and Samuel has the trait of over-analyzing. He could talk himself right out of most of the right answers, based on other information he had studied that may or may not apply.

Long story short, he was 9 points shy of having a passing grade (on exams alone- other things didn't contribute to this grade) ( which by the way, needed to be a mid-C) to pass this final semester. It was a devastating blow to both of us. As he has struggled throughout this semester, only with the exams, we have prayed and fasted a lot, and also asked our parents to do the same. He still wasn't getting the results he needed. Finally, my mom, the woman of faith that she is, suggested that if we just got MORE people praying, then maybe we could bring about the miracle we needed- and if it DIDN'T happen, then we would know for sure that God had a very good reason and a different plan than what we had planned out.

Well, it's been two weeks now since he took the exam and we got the results. We've had a lot of people really reach out in love and support to us, and man, it has meant the world. We aren't sure exactly what happens next, we will know for sure by mid-May. He will repeat the semester, and if he's really lucky (blessed?) he will be able to get a coveted spot in the summer semester, which would have him graduating in July. If that doesn't happen, it will be December.

I had to come to grips with the fact that I was not going to be moving into my own place just yet. I felt like I was at the end of my rope with how much I could handle with living here. Not because I'm not getting along with my in-laws, but mostly because the constant stress and worry that I experience while living in these close-quarters with next-to-no privacy, it has really worn me down, and really made me feel quite anxious and irritable, and I was desperately hanging on for MAY- when he would be an RN and could get a job and we could finally FInally FINALLY get back to living a normal life, after all these years. You know, the kind that involves steady income.

When we didn't get what we wanted, it caused us to take a GOOD HARD look at areas of our life that might still need refining- areas that God probably wanted to to take notice of, and improve on. It was obvious to me what I needed to work on.  It's the same things- easy, basic, seminary answers, that I've needed to work on since I started having kids one after the other, and entered into Survival Mode- something that, it turns out, is kind of hard to get out of. I'm working on it now. I really want to start functioning at a higher level, and make God the most important thing in my life, even above my own family. Because He gives me everything I have, and He will make me a better mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend, by getting into alignment with His Ways- and His Will.

At first I didn't know how I could handle any more time here. The sheer amount of people who come through this house, because of my very social and kind in-laws, has been one thing that has caused me the most stress. My kids and their messes are everywhere. People drop by and surprise us all the time. The bathroom that the six of us share is the "guest bath"- so anyone who might need to use the restroom while they are here, gets to see how well I am keeping it clean.  And with six people sharing it (four of them tiny and messy), it usually looks bad.

Well, I am trying not to dwell on the hard things. I've finally accepted that we are not leaving just yet, so I need to dwell more on all the things I will miss when I'm gone. So I started taking a few pictures of things when I thought of them.

I will miss how my in-laws, and especially my father-in-law, love to help with the baby. My sweet F.I.L. is constantly helping with her, picking her up and carrying her around, and outside to do yardwork with him, or just to the bedroom to play with Grandma, who absolutely adores her. (Aria really cheers her up too, which is needed as she is losing her vision due to health problems.)

I will miss this incredible garden that has been feeding us squash and zucchini, tender broccoli, (soon-to-be) tomatoes, green onions, and even artichokes. I will miss the fresh herbs growing out back- basil, cilantro, and  mint. How NICE is it to just go trim a little cilantro when you  need it? I never have that on hand when I need it.

I will miss this huge backyard. My kids love it. I love it. I love the big covered porch and the cute playhouse, and the big trampoline, and the privacy of the walls, and the grass. And I will miss the CITRUS trees!! I've been juicing all the fruit and we're drinking the amazing, delicious, juice.

I will miss how we can just put the kids to bed, and then slip out somewhere if we need to. Tonight we went on a mini-date, and Sam took me on his motorcycle, and we got frozen yogurt, and returned books to the library. 

I will miss how I can usually leave a sleeping baby home with someone, because I have to go pick up kids from school.

I will miss how my in-laws say, "We're going to Costco. Can we take the girls?"

I will miss my M.I.L's huge bathtub. 

I will miss my lazy mornings just hanging out with my girls- because I don't have much to clean here. I only have to keep ONE bathroom clean. ONE!!!

I will miss having my father-in-law pick up after us. That sounds bad, but he does it often, before we can get to it, and he always does it cheerfully, and is happy to help. These things lighten my (physical) load, even though my emotional load has been heavier.

I will miss our babysitters- we can go out to dinner with friends, and then go to a late movie (or two!) and stay out as late as we want, because we don't have to pay a babysitter, and they can also just go to bed when they're tired.

I'll miss having DVR and a huge flat screen TV. 

I'll miss all her cool kitchen gadgets. A Bosch mixer, a waffle iron, endless baking dishes and pots and pans and popcorn makers etc. I don't have stuff like that at the moment.

I'll miss the ward we are in. The people are such salt-of-the earth, good, happy, people.

I'll miss how we always had a second priesthood holder here, to assist immediately in priesthood blessings when one of our children fell ill.

I'll miss the neighbors and the fresh eggs they give me. I'll miss the dairy down the street that sells me raw milk. (only $10 a gallon. GASP! I've only bought it once. I might put Aria on it though.)

I'll miss the safety I feel every night when they lock up all the gates on the doors (and there's locked bars on the windows too). Ain'T NOBODY gettin' in here. If there was an emergency, we'd be lucky to get out.

I'll miss how, on Sundays when lots of family comes over for dinner, that I can just put my kids to bed whenever I feel like it, rather than feeling like I have to keep them up late because dinner got started so late.


Wow! Look how long my list is! This has been good therapy. Anyone reading this might wonder how I could want to leave. haha! My kids have absolutely loved it here. My husband has loved having his parents around (for social reasons.) His only struggle has been to see me struggle. But anyway, we are meant to leave our parents and cleave to each other, and so soon we will be able to move on. I hope, if anything, this has taught us how to be on each other's team. It's kind of important, and it takes work sometimes.

Well, there's one more piece of good news, I almost forgot. Yesterday Samuel was offered a really great job as an LPN, at a prison in Florence (about 40 minutes away.) It will be full-time for now. He has had a hard time getting any LPN job and yet this one is probably the highest paying one he could get. It's the beginning of a new life for us. We will stay here probably throughout the summer while he works, and he will continue to work (at least 1 day a week- full time is 36 hours a week, 3 x 12 hour shifts), and if he can manage working full-time and repeating a full-time semester, then we will save up a bit, and then move into our very own RENTAL HOUSE. I almost can't remember what it's like to have a budget, pay bills, and have a cleaning schedule.

I don't know where we'll go. The further from the "city" that we go, the cheaper the housing gets. We will pray about it.

And that's all for now.